Graduating to New Levels of Lame 1

Graduating to New Levels of Lame

Graduating to New Levels of Better
DIY Peplum Top from Frumpy Dress

When I haven’t posted in a while, it usually means one of two things.

1.  I’m really happy and busy

2.  I’m really sad.

I was really, really fantastically happy.  I just started my awesome new job I really like with coworkers who are just awesome.  My friends and I were having awesome times together. I was in a relationship that I felt happy and fulfilled in with someone I deeply cared about and was starting think, “Wow.  This is my favorite person.”

Than lousy shit started happening.  I had to revert my house hunt to a rental hunt when I realized my car was about to die and therefore financial reprioritizing was in order.  Finding a rental here in Columbia that’s in a safe location without holes in the walls that will allow my little Douglas to live in is pretty much the most impossible quest I can imagine at this point.  If you’re up for an exercise in futility and depression, go ahead.  Do it.  If you want to raise your stress levels to entirely new & exciting heights, arrange viewings every day during every lunch break as well as every day after work.  Sit at home every night scouring listings that repeatedly say “Absolutely NO Pets Allowed”.  Mark, in an attempt to cheer me up, said, “At least you can’t feel any worse than you do right now.”

Never say that.  Things can always get worse, and in my case, rather frequently do before they get better.

Then Mark and I broke up.  It was awful.  Imagine seeing the person that you care about more than anyone staring at you blankly and telling you they didn’t want to be there for you anymore.  And seeing the body language that told you they just don’t care anymore and really just want you to leave and for all of this to be over.  I’ve never felt so hurt, unlovable and expendable.

The next night, my car died.

The next day I woke up to discover my hot water wasn’t working.

After a good cry in a cold shower, I went in to work where a very sweet coworker asked how my house hunting was going.  When I told her, “Not so well.”, She responded with, “Well…at least you can drink wine!  I gave that up for lent. Just trying to put a positive spin on it.”  She was being really nice, and I was probably a callous jerk for saying, “You know what I’m going up for Lent?  Putting on a positive spin on things when things are just plain shitty.”

My friends ask me how I’m doing, and I want to say “Fine” and “It’ll all be okay.”, but that’s really just not where I’m at right now.  More observant followers of this blog will notice a few things.  You never see a single post with my family in it.  Why do you think that is?  I’ll also go for weeks on end without posting.  When you read someone’s blog like mine, you don’t see everything that’s going on.  That’s why when sometimes I get comments like, “You always seem to have such a great outlook on life.” it gives me pause.

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember.  Most days I’m great.  But then some days are just awful.  It’s just always been that way since I was a little kid.  I’m one of those people who have to try really really hard to be happy.  And sometimes, especially when things seem really awful, I can’t do it.  And I hate that about myself.

I don’t usually run on about breakups, because, frankly, they’re usually not a big deal to me.  Just minor bummers with guys who never made it my my “Important People” list.  It hurts to think that maybe that’s all I was to someone else.

So.  There you go friends.  Your ReFashionista is going through a tough time, and can use all the good vibes she can get right now.

But what the hell?  Let’s do a refashion!

This is one of those, “I seriously just tied something around myself” ones, but given what I’ve been through, please keep the negative comments to a minimum, okay?

When I found this graduation gown for $1 at my local thrift store, I decided to give myself a fun challenge.

Wow. This is the saddest “before” pic ever.


Then, things got really lousy, and I said, “Eff it.  I’m not sewing today.  The world should just be thrilled that I got out of bed and clothed myself at all.”


Seriously. I just tied it around myself.
Seriously. I just tied it around myself. And yes, Ryan has intentionally placed his ass in this photo.


I didn’t want to be alone, so I spent the day with friends.


I was fantastic company.
I was fantastic company.


I even faked a few smiles.


My face hurts.
My face hurts.


So yay.  A refashion.  I promise I’ll actually do a sewn version of this one as well.




And now I’m just going to leave you with this:



Graduating to New Levels of Better
DIY Peplum Top from Frumpy Dress


  • Syria

    I have been following your post for a few years, I subscribed to receive your emails, sadly, due to depression I don’t check them every day.
    I was in a car accident 5 years ago that rendered me “useless” (my point of view) yet, let me tell you what my dreams are. I want to be like YOU.
    I’ve always wanted to learn to sew, since my 25 year old daughter was a baby. I dreamed of making a dress for my self and making one for her with trims or pieces of the same material and we could wear them on the same day, kind d of thing. So, when I found your blog…. ohhhh myyyy gooooodnesss. It was eyegasms. I couldn’t believe that there was someone so creative and a [email protected]$$ with a sewing machine.
    Swetie, we all have our bad spells, some are worse than others.
    Take some Omega 3 supplements, fish or Krill oil, those help ward anxiety and depression. Make them part of your daily regime and you’ll notice a difference.
    God bless, sweets.

  • Joerdis lentfoehr

    I know, this is an older post, but I felt the urge to reply.
    I can say from experience that it’s always darkest before the dawn.
    I was suffering from depression myself after two miscarridges. A good therapist makes all the difference. At least that was true for me.
    Keep on going. And thanks for sharing.

    You dont always have to be strong

  • marilynmermaid

    Thank you so much for sharing honestly. I have been following your blog for over a year, and your creative fire truly inspires me. I’ve coped with depression and anxiety for most of my life, and am a few decades older than you. So, over time, I’ve seen how these challenges have been and are perceived publicly. Thirty or forty years ago, no one talked about it. It wasn’t even a “thing.” (But, BOY, was it a thing!) Now, even though it seems a brave act to have taken to share your situation in this forum, it is something a person can conceive of doing, without being terrified it would affect your livelihood or cause others to cross the street when they see you! I applaud your courage and willingness to be known. Thank you for helping to raise awareness for people who suffer, whether you meant to or not. Rock on!

  • Jennifer Loves 饺子

    Yep, I get it because your circumstances and mine are alllll-most parallel. It’s hard. Your little cartoon says it all and your words say it even better. Keep chugging along because that’s all you can do. You have lovely friends, they seem to love you. 🙂 Now if only I had a car (mine died in March, I still miss it. I had it for 9 years and it got me through bad stuff and drove me around and was so good to me!) … oops back to what I was saying; if I had a car I would drive down to the local op shop and refashionista the heck out of that stuff! Your blog is wonderful! Thank you!

  • Leigh Mackie

    I know it’s been almost 4 months since you posted this. I’m not a regular reader (but I really love what you make 🙂 )

    I hope things are better for you now. It’s funny…intellectually I think most people with depression know they are not alone. They know that there are other people who feel the same things. That said, I know that you felt so alone and as though your world was ending. I really do understand….as do most of the other people who poured out their hearts to you in response to your pain. <3 That kind of depression is a very dark place.

    Even though it's hard to do at the time, in the midst of a horrible episode, when you need to boost yourself up, read the things your readers have said to you. You are loved. Even if we don't know you personally, we feel a connection to you through your creativity.

    I wish you every good thing and hope that your life has moved into an up-swing. You are not alone. Please please please….know that you are loved.

    Bright blessings,
    Leigh Mackie

  • MW

    I’ve battled depression for years. I’m not in a great place right now. Reading this post-seeing someone who is beautiful, funny, & clearly very talented express the feelings I often have-helped. Thanks.

  • Lorri

    I love your blog and am very sorry to hear about your trying times. Your description of yourself sounds just like me. I’ve stopped opening up to too many people because I’m so sick of pat answers or people saying things like, “Well, at least….” or “You should be grateful because…” I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for your pain even though we don’t actually know one another.

  • Ms. Jackson

    I am firmly convinced this year is definitely the year of shitty situations for a lot of people I know personally and me. This year has been positively God awful up until no joke 2 weeks ago when things just kind of started falling back into place out of nowhere. No matter how bad you feel or how crappy situations are, as long as you’re still living and breathing and making progress towards whatever goals you have, progress will always be progress; no matter how little gets done in the time you have, and how slow it takes. I can’t tell you how many times I just cried on my car rides to work and back because I felt nothing I was doing was getting me where I wanted to be this year. Now the pieces that have fallen all over the damn place are coming together, and they will for you too when you get all the pieces for your puzzle. Always focus on making yourself happy. Sometimes you’re going to be all you got. I’ve sought help from counselors at my university to help guide me through rough times where I was falling apart.

    I absolutely love your blog and seeing all the awesome refashions you do. I hope even though life is testing you during the time of this post, you don’t wait so long to keep making blog posts about your awesome clothes! You are positively an amazing individual that inspires anyone who discovers your blog, and I’m sure whoever comes across you in person. Don’t ever forget it 🙂

  • Kaycie Farley

    I’ve been told that even though break ups are hard, but you just have UPGRADE to the next person. Eventually you will find one guy that has all the things you want in a person that you only found in some of the guys you have dated and he will be your perfect one. Cheer up! I love your blog BTW! Its inspired me to do my own refashioning from thrift store clothes!

  • artisamc

    Cyber hugs! <3 Thank you so much for writing something so real and honest. The majority of bloggers don't do so and it's certainly very brave and extremely admirable to put yourself out there. You're not alone, anxiety and depression suck hard. My husband and I both deal with it daily. The best way I can deal is by creating either by crafting or painting. The last time it was really bad for me, I picked up a paint by numbers kit. Normally completely out of my comfort zone cause I'm an abstract painter and trying to paint into tiny lines was a challenge. But it was a great one, it was new but somewhat familiar. I had a paintbrush in my hand, I guess that's what really mattered to me. It was nice to concentrate on something outside of the issues. You are an exquiste creator with an amazing sense of vision. Your talent will carry you through this 🙂 Thank you for being you!

  • Ellen

    Congratulations on your decision to get help. Hope you find a treatment regimen that works for you, although as time goes on, you’ll find you will be constantly reevaluating what works and what doesn’t. (I know from experience.)

  • Melanie

    Holy CRAP, have you read all these comments! There are a lot of strangers out here that like you 🙂 The image of crawling into a nest is so perfect! Too bad we have to come out eventually. I loved the skirt, brilliant.

  • Lisa

    Hello. I just found you (on Pinterest), was checking out your blog, and found this post. Hooray for you — you’re doing something about your depression! I know from experience that sometimes you cannot do it alone, so I am glad you are getting help. I know exactly what you mean … sometimes I have felt that I deserved a cheering squad just for getting out of bed since it’s so much effort. Hang in there. Sending prayers up for you. And thank you for your fun blog and your wonderful honesty.

  • Vicki S.

    Hello Fashionista! I’ve been there. The best advice I can ever give…just breathe. Lay down on the floor with your stomach facing the ceiling and just breathe in and out as deep as you can go; and give yourself a break. Love coming your way from Big D Dallas TX!

  • Sara

    So I haven’t spent the time to read all of the comments so if someone suggested this already I apologize. So I suffer from PTSD and with that comes anxiety and depression. I was able to get my dog registered as an Emotional Support Animal (ESA). I was like all of 60 dollars to do online. This is not a service dog, she did not go through the training of a service dog, what this is is a certificate saying hey I have emotional trauma and my animal helps me with that so I need my animal. This certificate for an ESA means that renters cannot refuse you because you have a pet, so the NO PETS ALLOWED is suddenly not an issue. yes they might come up with some other reason not to rent to you but it cant be because of Douglas. They also can’t charge you a pet fee. I would recommend looking into it as an option, it also means you can take him on planes with you.

  • bebepubtart

    I feel you. Some days I can only muster enough energy to watch old movies and drool over the clothes and furnishings, while I dream up names for the new cats I will adopt.

  • Trish

    You are sooo not alone. I got dumped this past Saturday with the words…”You’re perfect. You didn’t do anything wrong” thrown in the mix. People are stupid! That hurt for real. But I have to believe there is good on the other side of that relationship. My mind plays tricks on me too. But it is important to remember we are loved whether our minds/hearts believe it or not. Thank you for being real. Sending all the hugs and positive vibes your way.

  • Charmaine

    I cried for hours today. I emigrated to the top half of the planet 8 yrs ago leaving my parents and grown up kids in the bottom half. Over the past 3 years I’ve had a terribly difficult job which I eventually managed to swap for a not-so-bad job, I’ve moved house, had my landlord die and moved again (all rentals – this is my 9th address in 8 yrs). my mothers’ had breast cancer and got a new pacemaker, my godmother has Parkinsons, has started falling over and looks like she’s best friends with Mike Tyson now. My daughter-in-law was refused a work visa so they’ve sent their toddler to his other granny in Indonesia and gone back to working the cruise ships – June will be the first time they see their baby again in 10 months. My daughter has had her first baby with a man who isn’t her estranged husband. I am undergoing treatment for a dodgy heart. I decided to treat myself to a trip back to celebrate my mothers’ cancer-all-clear, check on my godmother, share my 53rd birthday with them and meet the new grandson. I’ve just been told that I may not ever meet him because I’m too negative and they don’t want my vibes upsetting him. Yesterday my landlords’ girlfriend told us we were being evicted. Today our landlord said she was lying and he was extending our lease for another 2 years and THAT made me cry. Stress, anxiety, depression – not only are they hard to live with but it’s such a tiring load to carry. You are doing an amazing job of hiding your burden, much like me. but there are people out there who can sort of lighten the load if you allow them to, just by letting them listen. I find it hard to do but it does help.

  • Sakura

    I check in on your blog every once in a while, you’ve inspired me to buy a sewing machine, now for more inspiration to create something with it. My mother is the greatest seamstress in the Universe and not one of those genes ended up in me. I just read this post and wanted to say how sorry I am for your problems, when it rains it pours. But I also wanted to say how proud I am of you for trying to be positive. It was very refreshing to read a post about real life pains and aches, too many times bloggers seam to be perfect and it’s so hard to measure up. You seem to have a great community of people that are here for you and the pictures of your friends makes me think you have a good personal support structure. My BFF and I have a toast that we like to give everyone once in a while, feel free to use it any time! For those people we love who love us back, bless them and for those that don’t “F” them! Yup say it loud and proud, it helps! Keep up the great blog and wonderful transformations,.

  • kathryn7kids

    Oh my internet buddy! I pray you find that one thing that sparks you back. I wish i can personally help, but also understand its a special spark that only you can find and see. It can be small or something huge but you will see it, hear it and best of all know it! I pray sooner than later as time is what i pray is on your side! Special hugs from me to you! Hugs and kisses! Your special buddy kat 🙂

  • Brittany

    There are no words that express how sorry I am that you have to endure this, just as there are probably no words to fully convey what you are going through. Hopefully you realize that you are not to blame for not “fixing” yourself sooner. You are not broken. Some people just aren’t equipped to be with someone who suffers from depression. It could be unwillingness, fear, or just plain helplessness because they don’t know what to do. But you are perfect, right now, as you are in this moment. Don’t forget that. Don’t punish yourself for bursts of negativity. You are human. And don’t exhaust yourself trying to wear a mask. Those who truly care about you already know what’s underneath and embrace you all the same. On a random but related note, check out Boggle the Owl on Tumblr. Trust me, it will perk you up at least a little. Even when I was in the midst of a 3-year stint of depression, it made me smirk from time to time. Sending love and strength vibes your way. Also, you are welcome to email me if you need another supportive friend who understands depression.

  • Kristina

    Thank you for saying that you struggle with anxiety and depression. I do too. It’s nice to know that you’re not alone in a struggle, even if the people who are “with” you are strangers. I LOVE your blog; you are very inspiring.

  • With Love, Rhianna

    I’m late to the party but I just have to say…I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be HAPPY and positive all the time. If it was supposed to be that way, we wouldn’t even have these 100’s of other emotions. The truth is, we grow and learn the most in our pain. Girl, you are gonna be one tall, strong oak tree at the end of this round…and another round will come, they always do. That’s why I just try to enjoy the “happy” while it’s present, cause it will pass, but so does the pain and sadness! As for renting, I get you. I moved back home with my 125lb Akita, not only is it hard with a dog that size but its also nearly impossible as a single woman with one income. I don’t worry to much about you…I don’t know you but have read your blog for years. YOU always bounce back! Go rock your bad ass refashionista self…if some one doesn’t appreciate all you bring to the table, then fuck ’em.

  • Lyn

    Jillian, you are creative, spontaneous and absolutely precious. I am sure that a lot of us that follow you would love to introduce you to our sons.
    Struggling with anxiety and depression really sucks. It is a chronic medical condition that can be managed. I hope that you are in counseling and are receiving medical help. It took guts to put it all out there for the world to see and comment on.
    I have never found it helpful when well meaning people point out how much better off I am than others.
    When you are heartsick, heartbroken, or just plain down in the dumps it is hard to look around and see how good you have got it. There is no substitute for time and a BFF.

    Please don’t think that not being in a relationship makes you a failure. I believe that you just have not found the one that is worthy of you. Keep kissing those frogs. You will find your prince!
    Hang in there sweetie. You have a lot of folks in your corner.
    My grandmother always told me that God never gave us morel than we could carry. That never made me feel better either…………………………

  • Kate Hawkins

    *hug* i am currently going through a situation very similar to yours house hunting sucks like shit as it is when you have a pet but then you get a letter in the mail saying that the dmv is taking away your license and you get kicked out of the place you’re living and you just wanna crawl in the bed and sleep until things get better but it doesnt help and it makes you feel even worse. I cant wait till my fiance gets finished with school and we get to move to south carolina because i really want to meet you some day and go goodwill shopping and refashion clothes. You’ve really inspired me over the years i’ve been reading your blog and i just wanted you to know that you are not alone

  • Sarah

    I just wanted to chime in to say I think you’re awesome, and I can sooooo relate to what you’re feeling, and that I don’t freaking understand why everything always seems to come crashing down all at once, it’s not fair and it sucks! Better days (and better guys) are ahead. In the meantime, wine and friends are pretty damn awesome things to have and be thankful for. 🙂 Also I just read your current post and I’m happy you’re feeling better!!

  • Donna Handley

    Man, I’ve totally seen that body language a few times it’s the worst! I don’t know why you don’t talk about your family, but I do know that if there is pain in your past because of them it will hurt extra bad to have someone you choose to be in your adult life leave you. Just be aware of that. I also understand the struggle to stay happy. It truly is easier to be sad then to be happy. Remember you are strong, and you can beat it (with effort)! Honestly, that’s your only choice, you have taken on a wonderful mission and you need to keep it up. Good Job Girl!

  • MaryJo

    Your blog is terrific. You’re talented, smart, resourceful, and funny. And you’ve got many, many, many blog-followers who care about you. Take the time you need to get over the shit that’s happened and know that we’re all cheering you on, kiddo!

  • Amy

    Okay. Get your brightest red lipstick, and write on your bathroom mirror “He was a bastard, and didn’t deserve me.” Sounds like the worst chick-flick idea out there, but it works. I swear. And there’s always slumber parties. With friends. And doggies. And pillow forts. And booze. And potato chips. And cookies. And maybe pie. *hugs*

  • Venus K

    You are so amazing! I struggle with anxiety and depression as well. You aren ‘t lame, you are strong, because even when it takes herculean efforts to get out of bed, you do. And you do it with a smile (faked or not, doesn’t matter). That is much better than I can pull off sometimes. No matter what has happened in your past, or how uncertain your future is, you get up and do a refashion. You are the freakin’ ReFashionista, and that is nothing to sneeze at.

    I know how hard it is. It sucks to feel different, to know that you have to work so hard just to achieve what others do without effort. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. Nothing makes it better sometimes. Just remember that you aren’t alone. I’m praying for you, you awesome person you.

  • Lia

    You’re awesome and you deserve better than someone who can’t accept you for who you are – ALL of who you are, the good bits and the challenging bits too. A guy who isn’t prepared to be there for you through difficult times isn’t worth it! Trust me, that says a lot more about his character and flaws than it does about you. Good luck with the rental hunt, and stay strong. xx from Australia

  • Amy

    Made it all the way down to my tiny little comment? I write from Australia, in a country town. I have read your blog for about a year now but I have trawled all the archives.
    Jillian, you inspire and carry many people and we hope that this is our chance to ‘carry’ you a little. You had so far to fall this time ( the boyfriend, the job, new friends) and the disappointment will be a thousand times worse. I am also praying for you to find a wonderful place to be where you can create, heal and be with the dog and the sewing. I am so sorry about the boyfriend. You are usually cautious about mentioning so I was very surprised he was not crazy about you like he should be. We ALL think you are amazing and your blog has helped us when we were down many many times. God bless you beautiful girl.

  • Heather

    So sorry to hear things have been so difficult lately. When it rains, it pours. I never know what to say in instances like this, but … *hugs*

  • Vicki Stancavage

    This too shall pass. It might not feel like you’ll ever get through the crap sandwich life handed you, but eventually it will be better. Until then, please know that this blog will always be your nest, and you will never need to be in it alone. If a virtual hug from a random online stranger helps, then I and hundreds of other people from around the world are hugging the MFing *HELL* out of you right now.

  • pefroe

    I’m sure you already know this by now but: We love you, sweetie. Bad times will pass.
    I adore your blog, your goofy “before” photos make me so happy. Sending all the good vibes.

  • Tara

    I love your blog. I started reading it when I saw you on GMA. You are so creative. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch. I’ll be praying for you. *hugs*

  • Sarah's Nana


    I’m not a blog reader. Until you.

    And I’ve never responded to any post from a blog. Until now.

    But I felt that I must, in my wisdom of years, respond and tell you some of my observations.

    1) You are an amazing, talented artist with a true gift for both imaginative sewing design and translating emotions through your printed word.

    2) You are touching hearts and motivating so many people with your talent.

    3) Your honesty is bringing a dawning realization concerning anxiety and depression to many- and who among us can’t at least relate?

    Please accept loving thoughts, good vibrations and prayers…. We’re here for you. take you time, knowing so many wish you well, health and happiness.

  • Janet Lynn Howell

    Wow! You sound exactly like me. I’ve suffered from depression since I was a kid and when things get low they get really low and at times I have to fake being happy. For someone like myself, who is a perfectionist, it’s really really difficult to do but I try. My little dog I bought who is a Cavapoo really does cheer me up. He is only 4 months old, a bundle of energy and always happy. No matter how crappy my day is or how things are at home his silly little self really perks my spirits. Take out some time for you, sounds cliche but it’s the truth.

  • Beth

    When I’m not feeling like a bursting ray of sunshine and don’t want to “put on a happy face”, I go back to this website: or read Allie’s book “hyperbole and a half” and I tell myself “it’s ok that I’m not ok.” The website/book tend to make me smile/bring a little comfort. Perhaps they can do the same for you? Either way, sending comforting vibes your way!

  • Julie

    I love your blog and your creativity is amazing and I really enjoy seeing the pics of you with your friends and they seem like a fantastic bunch of people. I also understand that if you struggle with depression, its hard to see the positives and recently you have had a really horrible run of bad luck, some people seem to sail through life with no worries or cares and for the rest of us, its just wonderful highs and crushing lows. I hope there are a few highs coming your way soon xx

  • Tiffany

    Thank you for sharing: anxiety and depression are so often masked with putting on a happy face, or putting a positive spin on things, and it’s incredibly refreshing to see someone put themselves out there and say “nope, things are shitty right now, no silver linings, no BS”. Thank you.

  • Roseanne Floyd

    I’m sorry to hear that you are having troubles. I wish I could help; but you know that only you can get through it. Crying helps, chocolate, sad movies. Not alcohol. That just adds to the problems, usually with a hangover. Keep on truckin’, as they used to say!

    I look forward to your refashioning all the time. I wish I had your talent!!!! Take care and keep us posted.

  • Lexie

    Jillian, Thank you so much for being so candid. It takes a lot of bravery to be so transparent. I don’t usually make a habit of commenting on blogs that I read…but I felt lead to say something to you, this time. Strong and independent girls, like us, don’t tend to like to admit that we don’t have it all under control. Admitting that we are feeling sad, desperate, anxious, lost, lonely or even dark is the furthest thing from what we do. But the truth is that we all feel this way sometimes, and those of us who struggle with actual clinical depression probably deal with it WAY more than we are willing to admit.
    I am sorry that you went through a break-up. Sometimes relationships are the hardest things for those with depression to hold onto. When I am in depressed place my husband will throw up his hands and end up walking away. It is frustrating to those who interact with us because they probably start off wanting to help but then can’t figure out how…because we typically don’t even know how we need them to help.
    Hang in there… I know that doesn’t mean a lot when you are feeling what you are. Focus on all the good that you are. Because there is a lot of good…circumstances are just that. Who and what YOU are is what counts. You are creative and an inspiration. It is clear from your blog that you love A LOT and people gravitate towards you because of the kindness and love you pour out to them. You try hard and succeed and you shoot for the good (not everyone does that).
    I am not expecting to make kindred spirit friendship here with this comment, but I want you to know that I can relate. I admire how honest you have been and I hope that you can see the light to get you out of the dark corner you are in. If you need an unbiased set of ears to vent to or talk things out with I have left my email.
    Thank you so much for sharing. I hate to say that I was touched by your misfortune, but it was what I needed to read today. I appreciate you!

  • leslie

    I get get sad too, (a lot) I feel your pain. It sucks. Hang in there. Nothing is permanent, this too shall pass. Be kind to yourself.

  • Lori

    Girl, you got this. Just hang on and it will pass. This is why we love you.

    My sister & I always encourage each other with a quote from Elizabeth Taylor… “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together”.

    Whatever pulls ya through. ((HUGS))

  • Kristin

    I’m sorry that so many things are going wrong right now. It really stinks. I hope that you get through it sooner, rather than later. There are apparently a lot of us out here pulling for you and sending positive thoughts! I hope it helps.

  • Else

    Good Riddance – goodbye, delete. If you can’t tell your friends . . . who can you tell – we (your audience) are only faraway acquaintances – I’m at the other end of the ocean from you so you can’t wet my shoulder. Maybe try cycling to become happy, to get the endorphins flowing, the nice legs are just an extra 😉

  • Liza

    Really sorry to hear all that’s going wrong right now. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find a great place for you and Douglas, with working hot water. You have an amazing blog, I’m always inspired by the outfits you create. Keep on getting up every day, grieve however you want and savour those friends who love you however you feel and who are there whatever you go through. The best way to kill darkness is to walk in the light some. Kindest thoughts and hugs.

  • Lynn McCoy

    I have so been there–so many times. Somehow, against all odds it works out…I have found that ‘denning up’ works best for me….I curl up in the bed with a couple of my little dogs (I rescue Chihuahuas), something on TV that allows total escapism and a good bottle of wine. Good luck to you.

  • Valerie Rodriguez

    You are a doll and I LOVE YOUR HAIR!! Keep on keepin’ on.. happy positive thoughts coming your way from me and 501 of your friends!

  • Peg

    Jillian, I pity the fool that beaks up with you. Alright, now that the Mr.T humor is out of the way, sorry about things not turning out. It its okay to be mad, cry, eat way too much ice cream and have one more beer.Please know that we will all be thinking about you. Just know that around the corner something unexpected and magical is waiting. I always think that way when life gets rough. It helps in weird way.
    Also, think about a Kentucky Derby Refashion.

  • Linda

    Like many others I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. Although it is hard , don’t give up there are so many here that care and are inspired by your refashions. Sending you hugs and a ton of good vibes for a smoother life course in the very near future.


    I have just found your lovely blog and read your most recent post. I’m sorry to see you are going through a tough time and hope things start to improve soon. Best Wishes all the way from Glasgow.


    I am giving you a huge cyber hug!! I love to give hugs!!!! Just take one minute at a time or one day at a time…whatever works for you! I just love your blogs!

    Katrina W.

  • missrose10

    501 comments when I write this, that should make a lady feel a bit better about at least 1 thing she is doing in her life. And if she can do 1 thing right she can do more. This is how I get myself out of bed every morning. Take some time off live your life we will be here when you get back.

    • parttimegoddessAkhila

      Love love love ur blog, when I first came across it, I read through ALL your posts in like 3 days. And i check your nlog every day for a new post.
      Shit happens, hearts break but guess what , you’ll get through this too. My best wishes to you . Can’t wait to read your posts when you find your new home, get yourself a new ride and find the right person. Muuuaah. May these happen soon. Loads of love from India .

  • SanTiki

    A friend of mine told me about your blog about a year ago & I pop in every now & then to see what you’re up to. You’re always an inspiration to me cuz, although I love clothes, I’m more than a bit challenged in the creativity department :-). And I, myself, was feeling a bit low today with certain life challenges that seem to be piling up and no easy solutions in sight…. so I clicked on to see what’s new in your world. I’m sorry to hear what’s going on & although the first thing most of us wanna do is say something annoyingly positive like “This too shall pass!” :-), I will just suffice to say that it brought me a smile to see that Ryan intentionally placed his ass in the photo :-). Surely with friends like Ryan & all of us out here sending you good thoughts, things gotta get better soon! P.S. I like the latest refash 🙂

  • Thea

    Sending you love and hugs and thanks for all that you share with the world: the wonderful ideas, the positive attitude, AND that, well, it’s nigh-on impossible to *always* be positive. Things will get better. Of course, then they’ll get worse at some point — but then they’ll get better again! It looks like you have a wonderful community of friends so besides the fact that you’re fabu, you have that giant point in your favor!

  • Dee

    I’m one of your non-sewing avid readers, and I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry about the suckiness of life right now. One of my grandma’s favorite phrases that I come to in times like these is: ‘this, too, shall pass.’ And it’s true… in good times and bad. So, curl up in your nest until your ship comes ’round and you find true north again, and we’ll look forward to reading about it and seeing your amazing refashions!

  • Julie

    Jillian…OMG…I don’t even know what to say…except your writing is so good I could feel your pain and sadness acutely. Life does suck at times! Please know you have yet another reader/follower that is sending yoiu love, hugs and the offer of a shoulder or nest as needed. If you need to get outta town, come west to Cali and I will host you…if you could stand 3 chihuahuas…Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as always. (And I am serious about the hosting your stay here 🙂 ~Julie

  • Raizel

    Thank you so much for sharing. It can’t have been easy.

    It seems you already know what to do – go out and see people, keep busy. It’s what works best for me (I suffer from BPD).

    Tons of good vibes your way! virtual hugs! I’m a huge fan and I hope you post another refash soon!

  • Chris Rose


    I am so sorry! I have first hand knowledge of what it feels like to have bucket of s**t poured on you all at once. It’s super awful and no pretty words will change that. Sending some gentle hugs and healing energy.


  • April

    Jillian – I don’t normally post comments to your blog (even though I DO love it and refashion myself) but wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel and have been there myself. There is such a stigma attached to depression and people always struggle to say something to make you feel better and while their words are well meaning you really are internally screaming at them to f**k off because they have no clue how you feel.
    I am not a happy person by nature, it almost seems foreign to me. I don’t like being unhappy and miserable but I have known it my whole life that sometimes I think of it as my friend, someone who understands me which only sinks me down even further. There are serious ebbs and flows with depression, times where you want to listen to sad music and just cry or times where you want to be outside to smell the air and enjoy the day. I used to never believe things would work out…they did slowly but I had to start taking it minute by minute, day by day. Be kind to yourself Jillian, there are many people who may have not met you but are there to support you.

  • lialou

    So, Dear Jillian, I hope you see how many people are rooting for you out here in Blog land. You are smart, cute as a button, have a great job (or so it appears), have great friends, are a very talented refashionista and have scores upon scores of us out here wishing you the best.
    First, don’t let a stupid boy ruin how you feel about yourself, hes’ the stupid one. Second, you’ll find another car and there is always public transportation in the meantime. Third, it takes time to find a home, be patient and FINALLY – YOU ARE AWESOME and I am always amazed by your talents! Chin up, you’re gonna make it! P.S. La Crema Pinot Noir – always helps me!

  • Elisa

    I’m likely your oldest reader (70 plus), and you continue to be a daily inspiration for me. When I read your postings, I feel like a proud grandmother who wants to tell everyone about her grandchild’s success. My heart now aches for your pain. Please know that I am praying daily both for your inner healing, and for the resolution of your temporary material difficulties (house, car).

    Grandmother’s advice: I also have suffered from depression/anxiety at times, but a very healthy diet (little or no sugar, no alcohol,no tobacco, no processed foods), plus supplementation (as per Dr.’s recommendation) with vitamin D3 (1000 IU), Magnesium (400 mg), a good multi-vitamin with minerals, B-complex (labeled “Stress”), and Omega-3 (@ 100 mg EPA, 120 mg DHA) put me in “remission” almost completely. You also may want to consider a low or free gluten-free diet, which is not that as hard to do as many think.

    God is with you even if you don’t feel Him at present, and these temporary difficulties are part of his great PLAN for you. I have been where you are now many times over 70 years, and when I think back of my times of difficulties, and how things didn’t always work out the way I wanted, I am so glad they didn’t. God had a better plan for me. Believe that He has a better plan for you too. With my prayers and love.

  • Lianne Pritchard (@afrightfulfiend)

    I am so sorry to hear about all the crap you’re going through right now. I’ve lurked on your bog for ages and spent the best part of two months reading every post from the very beginning to catch up. I really look forward to reading all about your refashions and find it inspiring. I’ve had depression for the past 15 yrs and diagnosed with BPD about 5 yrs ago and the tiniest thing can set it off, much less the big stuff you’ve described. There’s no good advice to give really, just know you’ve got people around you who are there for you. Sending you humungous virtual hugs from across the pond. P.S. I love the cartoon you posted at the end; can totally identify with it.

  • Oblivion Westwood

    This was so honest and so real that it may be my favourite post ever. That’s not to say that I am in anyway enjoying your pain but I am one of those people that everyone thinks is so happy all the time. I often reach what I call Fuck It Mode and I stop putting a positive spin on things. People are always surprised when I’m not being “myself”. You are right that we never really know what’s going on under the surface and I am so impressed by you putting it all out on the table. I really hope things get better soon. x

  • debi

    Omg how guilty do I fell now, I have been hanging out to hear from you and cussing you for not doing your thing – all the while shit was blowing up all over you. I’m so sorry for you, you a major inspiration to me and everyone else who took the time to comment, so you stay strong, deal with one thing at a time and believe that this too shall pass.

  • Ciara

    Hey – I have never, ever commented on a blog before but this one really got me. I completely get this!! While not in your bad situation at moment, still feel down. Hang tight.

    I also love the “nest”

  • Ree Cee

    Hey Jillian: Sometimes you don’t want a solution – maybe you just want to let it out. Thanks for being so raw and open – I’m sure it wasn’t easy to post this. You bring so much sunshine in our lives – I’m sorry a few rays are missing for you right now.

    Not to make light of your situation, but some ideas for amusement while you work things out:
    -go to Pinterest and search for adorable animals
    -not sure if Thin Mints will pair with Pinot Noir, but what the hey – this is a good time to find out
    -surround yourself with close friends who adore you and let them
    -tell those same friends to bring their comforters with them and have a big nest in
    -run around and take pictures of Douglas – will temporarily forget about everything as you try to get the perfect shot
    -go for a bike ride – makes you concentrate at the task at hand and it surprisingly clears your mind – borrow one if you have to
    -buy a brand spanking new paper notebook – brainstorm on anything and everything – yes in longhand, with your favorite pen
    -listen to Lisa Lampanelli – raunchy hilarious comedienne

    Take your time – take a break if you need to. We’ll be here waiting.

    From just one of thousands, maybe millions of beeotches who love you.

  • Karen & Pippa

    Dear Refashionista – we tripped upon your website today whilst seeking inspiration for my fashion-crazy minifashionista daughter, aged 9.
    Via Pinterest, we found ourselves in awe of your creations from 2012 and my miniF was delighting in your creativity. She’s away in her room looking at all your posts.
    I then clicked on your page header and found today’s story.
    You are inspiring, beautiful and supremely clever. Know that today, you have delighted a young girl and I know she won’t have been the first.
    Kia Kaha – forever strong.
    New friends in Australia xx

  • angel chivers

    Oh poor Jillian .I feel so sorry that life is such a nightmare at the moment for you. I hope that . all of the comments that you have had has made you realise how much WE all love you . I really hope that things get better really soon .xxx

  • Emily

    This blog entry really touched me, and apparently a lot of people. Such honesty is not unprofessional or off-putting. It’s refreshing, and especially so in our culture of enforced positivity.

    Less than two months ago, I sobbed over a parking ticket. It was my birthday, which I spent picking up a bed frame from one friend to haul it to my boyfriend/almost fiancé, when I might have been celebrating. Meanwhile, the relationship wasn’t going well. I’d been told by my OB that I’m getting older, and my desperate desire to have a healthy kid or two may never be fulfilled. Also, thanks to the recession, I have two degrees, multiple jobs, and am not making enough to live on my own. So, with the damned ticket for parking at my friend’s place to get the frame was the last straw; depression was basically telling me that I couldn’t have anything I want in life, and even doing favors was going to get me punished. On my f***ing 35th birthday.

    Life can suck. And sugar-coating it for others does no one any favors. By all means give up the pretense of positivity when life is shitty for Lent, and maybe even beyond. You might find a new depth of connection with others, and any discomfort it causes them is their issue, not yours.

    Thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to heal fast, and that things get better soon. All the best. Hugs!

  • thebearpelt

    I’m sorry to hear that things have gone so awfully for you recently. It’s always the worst when things pile up and up and up and then, and THEN, someone tries to be like SILVER LINING NOT EVERYTHING IS AWFUL and you just glare a hole into their face with the thought of “YES EVERYTHING IS AWFUL GO AWAY.” It’s so frustrating.

    I hope things look up for you soon. Stick it out, it’ll pass. Remembering that helps me a little. I’ve been through worse, I’ll get through this, even if this sucks and lasts a while. It’s something. I hope it helps even a little.

    And hey, the outfit was still cute.

  • KA

    Hey Jillian –
    I’ve admired, enjoyed and been inspired by the creativity, humor and honesty of your blog for a couple years now. I wish there were some way I could repay all the smiles and reality-breaks you’ve given me by keeping this blog alive. I wish saying “I can relate to what you’re feeling” made things better somehow.
    Even though I’m just a faceless internet stranger who happens to regularly look at the cool pictures of pretty things you make, I’m going to go out on a limb and say, I think you’re fabulous. Also, I think you need a link that allows us to directly donate wine to you when needed.
    Hope life makes haste on improving itself
    Best wishes

  • Ash

    Be kind to yourself- you have a lot going on including the new job which even though you love it (which is awesome) takes a lot out of you. Know that you have inspired and impressed countless people, including me, and touched our lives. You seem to have loving friends who I am sure can help you through this and loyal readers cheering you on. Keep going- one step at a time- and know we are all her to keep you company and cheer you on. Take care of yourself.

  • Stephanie

    Oh Jillian… I am sad to hear you are having a hard time. I hope your spirits are lifted reading everyone’s kind comments. As creative individuals, we tend to give and give of ourselves, freely and without reservation. And then depression and sadness sneak up on us because we have given absolutely all of our happiness away. I hope that you find a way to get some poured back into you. You are witty and kind, and deserve lots of love and happiness to come your way! Sending virtual hugs from Virginia!

  • ali

    Thank you so much for sharing. The struggle for happiness can be very lonely – though I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, it helps me to know it’s not uncommon. Wishing you peace.

  • Nicole

    I obsessively read your blog all the way through in about a few weeks. I started with the most recent working back but then felt like I was missing some of your story that had happened in the past so decided at about page 60 to go to the very first post and work my way forward to where I had stopped. I also happened to listen to the soundtrack of “The Book of Mormon” while I was reading, which means your blog and that music is forever linked in my brain now, and I think of your blog whenever I hear it! 🙂 Thanks to your inspiration, and a tutorial from Zero Waste Home, I pulled out all my old sewing materials (which consist of thread, needles, scissors) and darned a sock, dredging up ancient (15+ years ago) memories of my mother teaching me the most basic elements of sewing. Then, I proceeded to mend holes in all my overly loved, favorite clothing. I had been paying someone waaaay too much to mend items. I haven’t been courageous enough to refashion something – yet. But there is a sewing machine in the house, so who knows, maybe I will attempt something! Thanks for your posts, and creativity! And yes, your attitude usually seems so positive and happy on the blog, and it really cheers me up and makes me feel happy too! So, thanks for sharing that!

  • Shannon

    Thank you for putting yourself out there. I don’t usually leave comments, butI admire you for doing this. I’m one of those people who everybody thinks is always happy, has a great outlook on life, and had it all together, but like you, every day has been a struggle to stay happy since I was a kid. I fake my way through every day and do my best, but it feels good to know someone else goes through the same things I do.

  • Lauren

    Jillian-I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I don’t suffer from depression but I have been depressed and I know it’s hard to scrape yourself off the ground and look at the bright side. Sometimes no matter how I try, it doesn’t matter if someone else’s life is worse or if tomorrow will be better…at that time when life blows up, everything sucks. So, I usually just go with it. I do stuff for me and maybe a few nice things for others and it helps me feel better. I really love your blog and am a fellow Douglas owner, except my Douglas is named Cocoa! Keep posting when you have a chance, I love your refashions! Hugs from Mommy of three (five, if you count my dogs, six if you count my husband and my dogs) in Colorado.

  • Nancy

    I’m so sorry you are hurting. Depression sucks-but you can take comfort in knowing that most of the really creative people in the world suffer from feeling depressed and unloved- it’s almost a plague. Think of it now, though, that 366 people cared enough to comment on this post. To all of us you are a creative and thoughtful human being. You are important. The world needs you-why else would you be here? You have something unique to give.
    Take care of yourself. Snuggle with Douglas. Know that you are loved in Heaven.

  • Teresa

    Darlin’ I’m so sorry you are having a crappy time! Just know that those of us that have been through breakups and depression know how you feel. Also, feelings come and go. You will have times of incredible love and happiness. Maybe right now isn’t when that’s happening, but it will. Life just keeps going on no matter where we are stuck! It’ll be better. You just look for it. It’ll happen little girl. You’ll see.

  • Ashley

    It happens, Jillian! So sorry girl. You inspire so many people with your refashions so I hope you feel the love with 365 comments!

  • Carolyn

    When I am overwhelmed, I reread the Desiderata. I am not someone who is religious, but feel the phrasing is concise and reminds me to let the ‘muckity mucks’ go… I look forward to your humor, what you Refashion, and the cool vibe you put out. I don’t sew, but love a good resale shop or Goodwill ‘happy hour’! Grab your tennis shoes or bike and walk as much as you can- it’s free to rediscover your city, region, or state. Spring is on its way

  • Cindy B.

    Oh honey, I am so sorry you’re going through a crappy time right now. Wish I could just sit with you and let you cry it out. Things WILL get better and you will be stronger. Been there ( depression and all)..
    Just remember, the more you cry, the less you pee.

  • Simone

    holy crap!!!!! i’ve seriously been checking this blog every day thinking “she died…or her sewing machine died…or she was eaten…or she lost an arm…” I am so glad you’ve picked yourself back up and are making an effort! You’re gonna do great, just keep trucking there girly! You’ve got great friends and loads of talent!
    Think of this like baking cookies, you have to combine a bunch of ingredients that taste like shit by themselves (exception is sugar) but when it comes out of the oven, its quite a treat!!!
    love you!!!

  • jdcrawfJulie

    I applaud you sharing your struggles! I’m 44 and struggle with depression and anxiety, which often surprises people who only know me casually. I love your blog and thank you for sharing your creativity. I’m sorry that you are having so many difficulties right now. Just know you are t alone and share the scary stuff helps all of know we aren’t alone. Hugs from Louisville, KY.

  • AJ

    Poor thing, I know how depression and anxiety feels. No advice, you have heard it all before, just: we understand and we are on your team 🙂 hope you are feeling better soon.

  • livinglifeupsidedown

    As a woman who has crashed and recovered, sending positive vibes your way. It sucks when someone is on your most important list, and you aren’t theirs (and your car dies and house hunting sucks). It is awesomely strong of you to acknowledge that it happened, and you are just as loveable and interesting even when what you have to write about in a day is a rough experience rather than your favourite re-fashion of all time. I think most of your readers probably identify with both sides of things. By the way, you have inspired me so much with your creativity and willingness to just try things that I went out and bought my first (second hand) sewing machine and a seam ripper!

  • dogloverlaura

    Thank you for sharing. It just makes you more real and loveable. Wish I could give you a hug and share a glass of wine. Keep up the good work and if you don’t feel like smiling that is ok. Sending good thoughts and many hugs to you. Xxoo

  • Christine

    WOW!! I am encouraged by all the reply’s, I never, ever, leave reply’s I just assume mine will be lumped in with what everyone else is saying…BUT…I felt compelled, I am not sure how I came across your blog, but I did, and have been a subscriber since the first time I read..11/12/14 .I share your “refashions” with others,,,I do admire your talent….sadness is human, however YOU can’t even keep your creativity down,,,its who you are, there are those of us who wish we were as talented in the same as have the human existence we have is a treasure in itself, you don’t know me and I may never post again….but you touch more people than you know….sometimes these tough times, show us are true integrity and are true grit!, and you sure did good, LOL.. I was happy to see the skirt you made with the grad gown.. It made me smile…I thought, “man, if she can do that with just the “eh” attitude, then I know why I keep following you!
    from One Human to Another

  • Joan McClure

    Oh, sweetie, so sorry you’re having such a bad time. You are such an awesomely creative person, things WILL get better! I have a cousin in Columbia who lives in the Rosewood area, and I will see if he knows of any rental houses in a safe area where pets are allowed. If he has any ideas, I will let you know. Meanwhile, try to enjoy your friends and your fabulous new job.

  • Nanci B

    My smart, beautiful, refashionista friend, let me share the advice my Grandmother gave me: 1. The best way to get over a passing fancy is to find something fancier. 2. Never, ever marry anyone who cannot do more for you than you can. 3. Always keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. I know these things are easier said than done but hug the pup, go cut something up to let off a little stress and remember. Depression is not who you are it is just a part of what makes you, and you are perfect just the way you are. Hugs!!!

  • Jessica

    I’m so sorry to hear of all your troubles! It’s especially unfortunate that hard times are exactly the time you find out who is really there for you. I wish I could give you a big hug, a warm fluffy nest and a tall bottle of wine! Honey, you are strong, beautiful and smart, you will make it through this like you have made it through hard times in the past. Take the time you need to grieve your losses, then pull up them big girl pants and say to yourself “screw this! I am too good to let this crap keep me down”

    I am looking forward to your future posts with your smiling face where your creativity helps some horrible garment blossom into something wonderful.

  • Milie

    Your blog found its way to France (where I live).
    I’m so sad for you to read so many bad news !
    Take the time you need to recover, cry, shout, whatever. You seem to have great friends but you also seem to be a good friend. You seem to be a beautiful person (both fron the outside and from the inside).

    So all I can do seem to tell you I hope the situation will very soon get better.
    With care,

  • Angela

    Depression is never easy, as you know. I found that accepting it and learning the best way for me to deal with it key to making it through (even when it feels worse then you remember). Letting your friends know how you are feeling with “today’s” struggle, and more importantly letting them be with you sounds like something that works for you. I know it made my day to see how all these people have reached out to a stranger in pain; I hope it helps you as well. And don’t give up on alterations, even if it is a simple wrap…Hugs

  • Stef

    Jillian we are all with you!! Just think that you inspired soooo many people and your posts and super cool “enviromental friendly” ideas goes around the world!! Ciao ciao from Dublin 😉

  • Elizabeth

    One day and you already have 358 comments! I don’t know if internet friends help… but it looks like you have one heck of a support group here!! I’ve messaged you before, I told you that reading your blog feels like I’m having a cup of coffee with a good friend. You might not know alot about us… but we are all pulling for you. Pulling for your career… your love life… your happiness. (Does that make us odd??? I mean… We’ve never met! 😉 ) Either way… please know that you have someone from the California coast thinking good thoughts for you. And you’ll get out of this funk… tomorrow’s sun will come.. throw on some good tunes… pour yourself a glass of wine… and just let it naturally happen. (Like any healthy person… I go right for the wine.)

  • Ceili

    *hugs for you* Even though most of us will never meet you, we miss your posts and your pictures. You do an amazing job keeping happy, dear. I love your smiles. Your posts always make me feel better. There’s love for you out there. Don’t worry.

  • Sarah

    I’m a new reader of your blog and I’ve kept checking back each day to look for your awesome posts. I’m not gonna bore you with my sad story except for I feel your pain regarding the SC rental hunt (a nightmare to say the least). Good to hear you’re ok and sending you some good vibes!!! Keep on looking for the positive cause you help us stay positive! Good luck 🙂

  • Angela

    I am sorry you have struggled with this. I would like to think that maybe your refashion of a graduation gown is somehow a symbol of the next chapter in your life. We don’t graduate without trials and struggles. I wish you well on your journey and hope that you find resolution to some of the chaos in you life.

  • Kate McKay

    Yes I have noticed that your family never comes up. But other peoples families are fair game. I’m sad that you don’t have that back up most of us have when things get tough.

    Don’t be afraid to ask for help if things get too hard.

  • Barbara

    I pray that you will see we all have our trials. Mine a failed 25 year marriage and a brain tumor. Don’t allow someone else put you in your bad place. You have such great talent. I will ask God to give you inner peace. We all love you so.

  • Jess

    Thank you for sharing. I also struggle with depression and anxiety and I know what it can do to you, on a good day, never mind a crap month. Thank you for helping to remove the stigma- people avoid talking about it, hide the fact they are on meds, etc. I try to share to normalize.

  • Candice

    I have been following your blog for quite awhile now and I have yet to leave a comment. I don’t sew although I am a little crafty I suppose. I look at your blog because I like your personality. I have felt so happy for you whenever you shared your accomplishments. I don’t know you and will never meet you but I, like many others I am sure, feel like I know you a little.

    You sharing this latest life experience must have been difficult. I felt really moved when I read your honest statement because it was so raw…so personal and that took guts to share. From reading other comments of support, it is clear, that many other women are going through or have gone through similar experiences. I know I have.

    I was at my lowest point a year or so ago and then things changed. I have no family, my marriage had fallen apart and I had 2 kids to raise. I got back up. I found peace and clarity through meditation and have embraced mindfulness as part of my daily practice. I remind myself to live in the moment, to be grateful for all that I have and to let go of what does not help me grow.

    You will rise again after you deal with what you are feeling right now. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you all the best. Sending love to you from Windsor, Ontario.

  • sirenitallenita

    You werk that tied gown because 1) yay! you got out of the house fully clothed and 2) look at that pop of color and lovely volume from the “bow”! how avant garde of you! I think you are brave for posting the good and the bad. You are my absolute favorite blog to follow, regardless of how long it is between posts. Sending you good juju vibes for finding a new home for you and Douglas and for things to look up! And Spring is almost here! yay! xoxo

  • Jessie

    We will all be waiting for you to come out of your blanket fort. Positive thoughts for a better tomorrow for you.

  • fleshbeauty22

    Never apologize for not being “perfect”. There is no such thing and people are not meant to be stagnant (even being positive all the time is stagnation). We learn from everything we encounter. We grow from everything we encounter. Know that you are loved by your readers for your ups and downs. Your ups revive our tired lives with your posts magically seeming to be timed when we
    need it. And we are here for you during your downs to let you know that virtually we are a rock you can stand on when you feel water rushing in all around you. People say family is everything. I say hooey. You can’t choose your family. To me, it’s friends that are more important in your life because YOU get to have a choice. You seem to have an amazing group of friends. Let them be your family. Virtual Love, Jeanette.

  • Rhonda Mearing

    Hi Jillian, I always look forward to reading your blogs, wishing you well and remember that things always have a way of turning out for the best (even though it doesn’t seem so at the time). You are too talented, beautiful and clever to be down for too long!

  • Allie

    Hi, please know that we all have been there. Some of us, more times than we want to admit. Keep your head up my friend. You will never be alone and we all love you.

  • Kathy

    Like everyone else, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. Depression and anxiety can kill you if you let them. Don’t let them!!!!! When there’s nothing you can do for someone, my family always gives “Poor Babies” which is a big hug, pat on the back, and “poor baby” whispered in your ear. Poor Babies are coming to you.

  • Linda

    Can’t say anything new but never forget you do matter to many people you may never meet on the other side of the computer screen. You have made us smile, scratch our heads and think how did she ever come up with that 🙂 You have such a creative gift but more than that you are a great person. Sending hugs and prayers your way friend <3

  • cindy

    Sending positive vibes and hugs ! Hang in there ,I am praying for you . Think positive and please know how much your followers care about you . So turn that frown upside down and re fashion it into a pretty little smile !

  • jess hogue

    Thanks for sharing, hon. It took a lot of guts to open up about your ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety. Proving once again that you are made of strong stuff, sistah. Keep on keeping. I will DEFINITELY be sending positive vibes your way.

  • talia

    i never wrote a comment to a post before, but reading your post, i just knew i had to. i wish you all the happiness in the world; for you to see the good but to also evolve and grow from the bad. Depression is awful and overcoming it is probably one of the hardest to do, but you always have a smile on your face. every time i see you are in a new relationship i am so thrilled for you and then i cry with you when it ends. i am sure that everything will turn out fine- you will find an apartment and you will find someone who will never leave.
    thank you for every post you have posted and for every smile you brought to everyone here. continue on and we love you ♥

  • Lisbeth

    I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know what a break up can do especially when you already suffer from depression/anxiety. But keep your chin up pretty lady. Better days will come. Sometimes we have to go through some storms but the sun always comes out and a rainbow always appears. I’ll be praying for you <3

  • Ali

    Oh Jillian – my heart was breaking while I was reading your post. I feel your pain and share your angst, even though I fortunately have been blessed with the happy gene. You know how they say it gets darkest before dawn. Well it’s getting pretty dark there girl – I am waiting for the sun to SHINE back upon your pretty face and empower you to do what needs to be done. I’ve been through some pretty sucky times too, and there’s no advice that helps with that, other than FRIENDS. And wine – they go together. As everyone else here has already said, hang in there girl, it WILL get better! Believe it because it’s true. I know a fabulous place is right around the corner for you, and that special man is not far behind. I am sad that as you say, I haven’t seen any family photos (ok, message received), but you do have more friends than practically anyone I know – and I only know you through the internet! I wish I could do more than offer you virtual hugs, but here goes….{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUUUUUUUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you and your sweet Douglas. Looking forward to better days ahead, and hey,, I actually like this refashion a lot!

  • Lisa

    Ladies, living well is the best revenge, as the Spanish proverb goes. You know that graduate gown? It’s worth a lot of money around May! Don’t sew it; sell it!

  • freetimegoods

    This is my first comment, and I apologize for that because your refashions are often times what brightens my day, and also gives me inspiration to do something new. It sucks that everything seems to be coming down at once, but your honesty in posting is refreshing in today’s e-world of viewing just the surface. One adage I try to remember when things get down is “what’s right about this I’m not getting?”. Keep one stitch in front of the other and the fabric will smooth out soon in the best possible unknown ways… Another, to use in good times or bad is “what else is possible?” No hot water, WEIP? Free case of wine, WEIP? Keep going sister & know that you have a TON of support behind you. You’re more courageous than you know!

  • Michelle

    First, I love the skirt, and you look adorable as usual. Second, don’t apologize for feeling depressed, we all have those emotions. Hope you start feeling better soon.

  • coffeesnob318

    I think your refashion looks fantastic, and now I have something to do with the graduation gown in my closet. And I think giving up thinking happy thoughts when life is shit was a perfect response. *hugs*

  • Liz

    I’m so incredibly sorry that life has shit on you lately! Things WILL get better and hopefully you receive some measure of comfort from all these strangers who care for you so much! You have been such an inspiration to so many of us (myself included)! Thank you for being you, you are a treasure!

    HUGS!!! Good luck! (Everyone can use a bit of luck, right? ). ;^)

  • mirella

    i love to hear from you, not to be nosey or anything but you are so good at this fashion stuff.. im not going to say its said bc we all go through rough times. i will pray for you for God to give you peace, comfort and strength.. its ok to have bad days or bad times just dont stay there, get back up… blessings 🙂

  • LJ

    Wow, thank you for the honest post. You never know what kind of battle someone is fighting. I know it makes some people uncomfortable talking about illnesses and being so candid but it has been an eye opener that sometimes we wear masks to hide what we are feeling. hopefully things will start coming around soon for you, stay strong.

  • Diane Liljestrom

    I am Diane’s mom. Also from Laguna Beach, CA
    We both love you and your blogs brighten our days! I know how you are hurting right now, and how words don’t seem to be effective in easing our hurt.
    We love your sense of humor, your creativity and your sense of fun

  • Missy P.

    Oh honey. My heart hurts for you. I can actually feel your pain coming right off the page. I am so sorry you are feeling this way, and I totally understand it (as someone who also struggles with anxiety and depression). A wise woman once told me that it’s these hard times when you are just “between opportunities.” Take care of yourself, wallow in it as long as you need to, and then get up and start kicking more ass! You are an incredibly funny, smart and talented person, and you WILL find your lifelong “favorite person.” We are all pulling for you!

  • Mary Bane

    i love the concept of refashioning for the benefit of our environment and the judgement statement it makes about the fashion industry, but i don’t really read this blog because of that…i come back to it daily because your personality shines through in so many of your posts and i feel connected to you in ways that i don’t always feel connected to the people right in front of me…my heart is hurting for you and i am sending you all the good vibes i can…i hope that feel supported through all of this and that the effort it takes you to be happy is lessened as each burden is lifted…even in this dark time, you have made me smile and surprised me with your talent!

  • Diane Liljestrom

    I am so sorry that you are hurting… You have no idea how happy you make others with your delightful sense of humor and inspiring re-fashions. Thank you for sharing – it serves as a reminder to me that just because someone is smiling they can be hurting. Your sharing will remind me to be a more caring person and a better friend to others. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you how happy I am anytime I see your blog in my in-box. I adore you! Diane, Laguna Beach CA

  • Maria

    Know that your blog inspires me daily to try to create something new. Thank you for being inspiring. Sending you good vibes and hugs!

  • lisa

    ((((Jillian)))) be well! Know you are loved by many!! Good vibes heading your way!!

    Take yourself to your local health food store for some happy camper … I can’t live without it. As someone very much like you this has helped me tremendously!! This herbal has been a life saver for me!!!! Its all herbal with no wonky side effects. Make sure you aren’t allergic to any of the ingredients and check with your doctor before using it 🙂

  • Kristin

    I have suffered from depression for most of my life. so I know I can say this: I will totally build a little nest with you and we can drink tea (or wine) together. And then I would just hold your hand in silence. Because sometimes, life just sucks and we need someone who will sit quietly WITH us in the midst of our misery.

  • Rene S

    I’m sorry everything seems to be crashing down in your life right now. While I don’t know much about your personal life, I know what it’s like to be in a low place. I am sending good vibes and thoughts, and hope that soon the good days will return.

  • Debbie

    I don’t suffer from depression, but my husband does and I am actively trying to learn more about depression and specifically how to love my husband through it and how to keep it from destroying our marriage. Seeing your blog post and reading the comments have helped me on that path to understanding. I am thankful for that. One thing I know for sure is that you are not alone. We are all cheering for you and waiting for the good times to return so that you’re able to get back to doing your thing and spreading your inspiration.

  • Justina

    I have read, followed, and been inspired by your blog for quite a while, and yet have never posted before now. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and challenges with us. I’m sure I speak for all your readers when I say you are a creative, interesting, beautiful person, and that reaching out for help is courageous. I hope you are surrounded by your chosen family whom I’m sure love you dearly!

  • Renae Walker ~ Real Estate

    I don’t usually comment but I wanted you to know that I appreciate your honesty and the fact you are trying to move forward. Thank you. Life sucks sometimes, it sucks for some more than others sometimes and just getting out of bed somedays can seem like a accomplishment, let alone blogging. Again thank you, sending good vibes you way


    Sweet girl, just know that you’re my FAVORITE Re-fashionista EVER, and you’re very loved in every way! Other people will never make us happier than we can make ourselves, so go on out there and set the world on FIRE……… when you’re ready! We will wait patiently so you can do whatever you need to do for yourself…………

  • Tamara

    Many thoughts and prayers going your way. They say that the man upstairs does not give you anything that you cannot handle, but sometimes you have to wonder if he really is going overboard. All you can do is just keep fighting the good fight and know that there is a plan. Much love!!!!!!!

  • Annie

    Hang in there. I know I can’t know how you are feeling, but there are people praying for you and supporting you (and you don’t even know it). Keep the faith. I will hope that things look up for you soon. Always enjoy reading about your life – the good, the bad, and the refashioned.

  • Kat

    This is such a good description: “I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Most days I’m great. But then some days are just awful. It’s just always been that way since I was a little kid. I’m one of those people who have to try really really hard to be happy. And sometimes, especially when things seem really awful, I can’t do it. And I hate that about myself.”

    And I know how you feel. Not exactly, as we haven’t been through the same experiences, but that descriptions … just, I understand. And though we don’t “know” each other, you can rest assured that you’re not alone.

  • Kiki

    I’m just one of hundreds that wishes you well! I’m so sorry you are hurting but everything will work itself out. Much love from Ohio! (:

  • mary

    Hi! I know I’m a total stranger, so this won’t mean much, but I think you are terrific! Your blog brings me a lot of happiness and helps me through tough days when my depression and anxiety are getting me down.

    So, a great big thank you to you, and I hope you are able to get to a good place in record time.

  • Shelby Chubb

    I’m so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time lately. It really sounds like that whole “when it rains it pours” analogy. Although, thank you for being so frank about your struggles. I also have grappled with depression most of my life and totally understand what you mean when you say you have to try really hard to be happy. It’s so frustrating. But, I appreciate you being able to put it out there in such a public way, as I feel that depression is so stigmatized and therefor people who experience it feel shameful; which they shouldn’t! I spent a good portion of the last decade feeling shameful, wondering what was wrong with me, and losing relationships that were important to me because the so couldn’t figure out how to deal w/ my depression. Slowly, I came to realize that I am how I am (and I received some significant medical information on why exactly… it’s literally in my genes) and that even if I never truly conquer depression, I’ve learned to live with it. I admit, that I was also lucky enough to find a husband who wasn’t scared off by my low-low points and who was willing to build that nest and get in it with me until I could crawl out. I certainly hope you find your way out of this low soon; we’re all rooting for you.

  • Lisa T

    I’ve loved reading your blog for a while now. I’m sending you good vibes in the fight we’re both fighting. Take care. Always keep fighting.

  • vadhamrick

    I am sending prayers and good vibes your way. You are a very talented person and I don’t know you personally but you seem to be a great friend to others. I believe in placement in this world and a time and reason for everything. You have brought joy and inspiration in a dreary world. That is your gift! May you receive it back triple-fold!!

  • Marina

    We’re all going to have bad days and some more than others. However, you are an amazing lady doing amazing things that needs to appreciate your self worth. We never like to show weakness because we don’t want others to see us in a vulnerable state. Hang in there sending you postive vibes your way.

  • Molly

    As a fellow anxious, depressed lady experiencing a tough patch in her life, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You are an awesome human being and the misery is temporary. Keep kicking butt and inspiring your readers to try new things. We appreciate all that you do.

  • drumville

    I’ve been there. A mountain of shit (that usually comes in threes), also led me to the happiest point in my life. A couple years ago my dog died, my boyfriend (of 4 years) left me for another, and my car got stolen – all in the matter of a month.

    It was the worst thing I’ve ever lived through. I also deal with depression and anxiety and at that point succumbed to both general anger at the world and a huge driving urge to prove the universe wrong. I found drive I never had before to make myself better – even if it was out of spite.

    That period of shit lasted only a few months, and then turned into complete and utter pride at what I had accomplished. Since then I’ve felt pretty invincible, and you will absolutely get there. Ride it out, squash the sadness with whatever emotion you can grasp at for a while, and then conquer whatever gets in your way. You can totally do this.

  • Abigail

    Do you read The Bloggess? She’s a nice reminder that we’re not alone.

    Also, you’re like the only person I “know” who could just tie something around yourself and look high fashion dahling.

  • dlb

    Big, big, BIG hugs to you. Thanks for putting yourself out there – the good days, and the bad. Your posts always make me smile and I wanted to say “Thanks.”

  • Jen

    You inspire so many! I have always been a thrift and resale shopper, but with your amazing ideas through your blog, I see clothing so differently, now. I am not great at fashion, whatsoever, but I do have a certain style and some sewing talent. Sewing is my stress relief; it relaxes me, and helps me fee productive. I haven’t sewn clothing for my kids or myself in so long, because it doesn’t have quick results. over the last few years, I’ve gotten into making rag dolls, and lots of doll clothes, because it had quick results and children are so appreciative of these. But your blog has changed all that! You showed me so much possibilty! I have been inspired and see clothing differently, now. It’s amazing! Now, when I’m at the thrift store and I find a top with a pattern I like, but something doesn’t work for me, I still grab it. I don’t have to say, “Only if it didn’t have that on it.” or “Only if it were like this.” Now, I can make it that way! I can’t believe I never thought to do this before! I successfully made several long sleeve shirts into short sleeve shirts for my daughter and I and we are very pleased! I can take it one step further, though… I use the cut sleeves to make doll clothes for my younger girls. A favorite pair of out-grown capris was made into a pair of shorts and two doll dresses. I loved a floral pattern on a top, but the long sleeves were a bit overwhelming. I shortened the sleeves and made doll desses. A dress was too big, and my daughter liked the skirt, so I took it apart to make a skirt, cropped jacket, and the beading was removed to make a necklace for my youngest. So much fun! Now, I have an excuse to buy baby clothes again, as I am making doll clothes out of them! You have inspired me sooo soooo much! And made 3 young girls very happy!

  • Jenn

    You are so loved, and so valuable – like the pearl of great price. No one can take that away. Much love, and prayers for peace and stability.
    Big hugs from beautiful (and chilly) South Dakota. 🙂

  • Sonja

    I am sure you have been told this over and over again but, hang in there because it will get better. I have been where you are. If you love someone but they can’t deal with the funk that comes with depression then it is best that they move on because they are not what you really need. I thought I had found the one but he couldn’t deal with the crushing depression that would come over me. And I get it, dealing with someone who is basically catatonic and goes through the motions is not easy. I am not an easy person to live with but I am worth the effort to put into sharing a life with. You are too because you do not give in. You try even when you no longer want to try. You are worth the effort. And there is someone out there who will not be selfish with their time and will put that effort in. “There is a light in the darkness of everybody’s life.” Your’s seems to be your awesome friends. I am glad that you have them as your family to help you and support you through this rough time.
    Thank you for giving me so much joy and inspiration! I and all your followers appreciate your presence whether you are happy or blue.

    p.s. try not to clock the people who come up to you and say, “smile!”

  • Pat

    I am almost 66. I love your blog. I love your darling face. I love to see how you take things awful and make things usable, adorable or just plain cute. Depression is an illness. I have had it for years. And sometimes I fall into the black hole. And stay there for awhile. Then I crawl out. And get back into the world. The world is cruel because they don’t know WHO you are. But we, your faithful readers, know you and your sense of fun and adventure. As for men? I am lucky to have a great one. But they are not the be all and end all. You will survive. Let yourself relax. Then go and find another rental. You know we’re all behind you!!!!! Pretend all of us who have responded are giving you HUGSSSSSS………

  • Bridgit

    Hey lady! Want to say that i think you are so talented and creative! When i got back into sewing your blog greatly inspired me! i love seeing what you come up with and it helped me to try it too! I know about stress and struggle and family issues. . It’s tough, sometimes too much, but venting it out (even to strangers on a blog) helps relieve those feelings so go ahead and let it go. . We will listen! I hope you get to feeling better and better times come your way!

  • Andrea Howard

    Thank you for reaching out with a “HELP!”. Sending much healing love and admiration to your beautiful, talented self. I always admire the lovely inner light that comes through in all your photos. Even though every day hurts like hell, and feels like the world is against you, you’ve gotten through this before and you will again. Once you get through this tunnel of ick, guaranteed there will be bright light at the end. It seems the rental home is your biggest challenge, so sending prayers that the perfect one shows up NOW.

  • Mitzi

    To say you just tied it around yourself, it looks amazing!

    Personally, try to keep your head up. I know life looks bleak right now, but it will turn around. I know. I’ve been there/am there. Life is constant ups and downs, and the only way I get through the downs is to know that eventually it will go up again. Take care and be strong.

  • Bonnie Marberry

    That really sucks. I’m so sorry your life is hard right now. I struggle with depression too, and I’m so sorry that it’s been compounding all these already-difficult situations. I’m so glad that you did this refashion- frankly, it’s a miracle that you made one of those grody graduation robes look so good! 😉 and I’m also glad for all the people in your life who DO love and support you, even if they can only express that through a paragraph from behind a computer screen. I think you’re super rad and I’m sending lots of love and hope your way. <3

  • omyn77

    when my little 7 year old is feeling blue she comes to me with her quilt I made her and asks if I can “make her a nest”, then she curls up on the couch in said quilt and watches youTube videos of old cartoons like teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Scooby DO (etc) all day.. We call that a Mental Health Day. Its ok to take one when you need it *hugs*

    I wish I could make you a nest so you could watch some cartoons and maybe feel a little ok again.

  • Ms. Attitude

    I’m sending you lots of good vibes and I would totally be the person with the cartoon above. It seems like you have some great people to surround yourself with, not to mention all of your totally awesome readers! I feel you on the house hunt thing too. It’s hard to find a place that’s safe, affordable, and most importantly, accepts dogs. Ironically, I live in a Columbia too. 🙂

  • Connie S

    I miss when you do not post… Sorry about Mark but so glad you are ok and taking real steps to manage your depression I pray that you will look back at this point in your life as the turning point. You have so much going for you. You are cute, smart, and talented; have a sense of humor, great job, and a nice circle of friends. Remember your online family too. Keep the faith.

  • Jess

    This post is very timely for me, as I am also house-hunting and job-hunting while single and financially insecure. It is very difficult for me to “look on the bright side” even though I KNOW deep down that I am blessed with many things. Anxiety and depression are NOT friends to a job/house hunt, because every rejection = catastrophe.

    I’m just trying to ride out this wave of negativity and hope that things will improve for the better. I wish the same for you. 🙂

  • auntoskitchen

    A few years ago I saw The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel – I was going through a lot of crap at the time and was stressed about so much: family, finances, and the future…. A line from the movie really hit home, “it will all right in the end, if it’s not all right, it’s not the end.” And just this weekend I saw the The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel; and the line that gave me pause was, “there is no present like the time”. So, take the time, and know that in the end, it will be all right.

  • Beth

    You’ll be ok… life hands US some really big let downs but in the end its for a reason. The house will come, the car will be replaced and Douglas will always be that one special man in your life.
    In the meantime, hold on relax, and enjoy the small things in your life. The big one really will follow.
    AND never stop refashing! Your an inspiration to so many.
    Hugs, prayers, and lots of love are being sent your way.
    And it’s only 11 days til spring!

  • Laura

    Thanks for being so transparent on your blog, your readers love YOU! Know you are not alone, there are thousands of others struggling with depression and anxiety every day! Hope tomorrow is a better day!

  • Helene

    I just want you to know,I’ve been reading your blog for the last year. I look forward to it every time it shows up in my email.

    I think you’re creative, funny, and sweet.

    You have every right to be upset. But his opinion does not define you. Things will get better and while they stink, listen to your “bloggees”! Everything gets better with time. You will survive and get past this. Everything just seems bad because it’s a bunch of little things piling up and you’re upset to begin with. It’s my opinion that you have the drive and I have faith in you. You’ve got friends, gumption and a good attitude. You’re going to get over this. Soon. I’m rooting for you. Please tell us your successes along the way. I know they’re coming!

  • Becky

    You are a brave and forthright woman. Know that I and others whose lives you touch appreciate your philosophy, talent, and zest for fashion. Hold fast. Better days are coming.

  • Victoria

    Be strong (I know you are) and feel better. I think you have great coping skills. You talked about how bad things were and then you got up, did a Refashion and went out with friends! Good for you! Things will get better I know it! <3

  • Erin

    I wish we could whisk you and all the people who have left such nice comments away on a fabulous free vacation full of thrift shopping with all the best ones in one spot and refashioning time with terrific chefs to feed all of us throughout the day. I love your blog – it is a gift to us. Thank you!

  • Susan

    Look at you, in such emotional straits, creating grace and beauty out of one of the ugliest garments available today. I hope you recognize your own powers!

  • Adele Wain

    As long as you get up one more time than you are knocked down, you are a complete success. Also, trying so hard to be happy all the time is exhausting, maniacal, and fraught with peril. Just go for balanced, centred, even-keeled, unmisearable. Get some ‘runs on the board’ with that first. And, I think your work is great.

  • Emily

    Hey Refashionista! Love your blog and have been anxiously awaiting your next post. I’m so sorry for your hard times. You are NOT unloveable. I won’t try to put a positive spin on this, but I am sending you good vibes and hoping for some sunshine for you. Thanks for doing what you do and keeping it real. Peace.

  • Kristine

    Hang in there honey. Depression sucks but can get better with help. I’ve been dealing with it for over 35 years. As long as there’s one part of you still interested in life and determined to get to the good stuff you’re in good shape. Make your own nest if you have to.

  • Wendy

    I always enjoy reading your posts! You’re so talented & inspirational. I say stick with your plan to face your issues head on so when the next special person comes around your in a healthy place 😉 You’ll get through this! xoxox

  • lp

    When your anxiety acts up, ask yourself what’s the worst thing that could happen. When it’s depression, remember that it won’t last forever. I really like you, and you are special to me.

  • Nitzan

    Hey, I love your blog (even though I can’t saw to save my life), and had to send you some smiles & best wishes after this post. I went through smiller things in my life, anxiaty, light depretion, and then, two years ago at the age of 31, while I was going through a really good thearpy I was intruduced to a tiny pill, at a very low dossege, that just changed my life! Suddenly not everything is the end of the world, I’m happy with my job, I don’t feel so tired all the time. I still have bad days, but they don’t feel as ‘doomsdayish’ as they used to. It’s amazing to suddenly realize how the other hailf lives. I hope that help and that you will find the right place for you and your sewing machinne 🙂 Nitzan, Israel

  • turbooferret

    I usually lurk about for the fun vibes and the refashions, of course. Well, this time I guess is about time I posted something.
    All those years ago when you first started Refashionista, I guess (from reading the early entries) that you went through one of downs in your life. Refashioning kept you going, the challenge and exercise of doing it every day made your blog and took you where you are now. You did great things on the way, lots of exposure on how to live differently and use the resources we already have. In you I found a person who thinks alike. You have given a lot to the world.
    But now be selfish and take care of yourself first.
    All best

  • Gillian

    You bring so much joy to so many people. Be kind to yourself. Sending love and good vibes from Perth, Australia. Xxx

  • Judy

    Hey what a jerk! He doesn’t deserve to have you as one of his special people. If he doesn’t realise how fab you are he’s clearly not a good guy, go find yourself a good guy. Your blog is great – it’s fun, original and real and doesn’t try and sell you lots of stuff that the blogger claims is great, but is really just paying them money to blog about them. Keep up the great work! I love your blog and how you turn really unpromising clothes into something great.

  • Ilaria (Pisa, Italy)

    Hi! I’ve started reading your blog 6 months ago, and it brought new perspectives in the way I think about clothes – I’m starting to stole my partner XXL T-shirts to turn them into dresses or skirts, I wonder how happy he is about it!
    Well, I just wanted to send you hughs from far far – yet sunny and warm – Italy, hoping to cheer you a little up.

    I’ll keep checking and hoping things will get better, and that you’ll let us know

  • Sara Nyström

    So sorry to read about all the sad things that have happened to you! I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers (though I don’t know you in person or know if you’re a believer or not) Take care and I hope that you’ll feel better soon and find an apartment. That seems to be really difficult everywhere! Even in the small town in northern Sweden where I live, so I can really relate to that!

  • Francesca

    I really feel your pain, and I’m very sad about your situation. I’m not going to give you advices, I only send a big big hug. I’m sure better days will come!

  • Ludi

    Dear Jillian,

    I have been following your blog from France since a few months and I was happy to follow your refashions and “enter” your little world even just virtually.

    Don’t give up, things can be hard sometimes but as long as you’re not alone, anything is
    possible and I sincerely hope it will soon get better for you.

    Think how Lucky you are to have such fantastic friends to support you. TO have done what you have done so far means you are probably stronger than you think so hold on !
    Meanwhile, hiding in a nest for a while is ok !

    Take care of yourself,


  • Hindihanna (@hindihanna)

    Hi! I can really relate to this. I too have had a battle against myself for the most part of my life. I’m also struggeling right now with a broken heart. I’m still so much in love and so is he but we are not good for each other right now så we had to say good bye and now all that is left is hurt.
    I don’t have any good tips but I believe that averything is going to be allright in the end.
    I try to do good stuff and try to talk to friends, even thou it’s hard.

    You do inspire. Even if you are sad or heartbroken. Life i shitty some times but it’s not forever.

    Hanna from Sweden.

  • tracykuhn

    I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. When you’re in the middle of all of this it’s really hard to remember that it will get better, and you will feel better, but that day will come, you’ll wake up one day and realise that it’s been a few days since you felt really bad. In the meantime give yourself a break, take one day at a time and let yourself grieve. If your partner ccouldn’t deal with your depressiona and anxiety, that’s his problem, not yours, you haven’t made this happen, you are worthy of love the same as anybody.
    Depression and anxiety are rough and if I had soem money for everytime someone said to me ‘but you always look so happy’ I’d be able to buy you a new car and house outright.
    Hibernate, take some pressure off yourself, do only what really needs to be done and remember there are lots of people out there who care and who are thinkging about you.

  • Dasa

    I know a lot about fighting depression and I deeply admire you for going into open with your feelings. You are a strong person with loving heart and compassion. Keep going, it WILL get better.

  • Beth Ineson

    Hang in there, girl! My family is going through a terrible financial crisis right now and I, too, struggle with depression and the like. It is hard, but there is a place to live out there for you and Dougie and there is a person who isn’t afraid of loving a real woman who is beautiful and talented (I am neither and my husband is a prince). Believe me, when the right person comes along you realize you would have waited another fifty years for him if that is what it took. Meanwhile, I suggest long walks with Douglas, meditation and throwing yourself into your new job. 😉
    Seriously, just take a deep breath and then keep on breathing.

    Prayers coming your way!

  • purplerock99

    A big hug from across the pond! I hope that all these lovely comments can hope to make you feel a little better. Being left sucks, but ultimately, if someone can do that to you then do you really want them around? It took me a while to understand that when it happened to me but you are worth far more than that and you deserve someone who couldn’t and wouldn’t treat you that way.

  • Rosemary Layosa

    Jill, some day you are going to be very famous and the only, real problem will be your tiny fingers because of the many autographs you’ve signed. Oh, by the way, that guy couldn’t handle a lady with a few days at, times, he’ll be at the end of the line waiting his turn! However he will be busy eating Humble Pie.
    i’m thinking, about the book you will write some years from now, will be a great seller!
    I can see the book now, “Eating Humble Pie” written by a courageous leader Jillian O.
    You are the best!!

  • Rhiannon Forster

    **massive hugs** I understand what you’re going through all too well, but things will get better! Just make sure you look after yourself and just “be” for a while. Treat yourself like your best friend. Then things will start looking up

  • Emily Donaldson

    Sweety. I wish you lived close by so i could offer you a nest, love and hugs. i suffer with the same and when the poo hits the pan and i hide. Nothing can be said to make you feel better, I know. But know that your followers have you in our prayers and just as quick as life got pants, life will fix you up nicely. lots of love and hugs beautiful. Em xxx

  • Peg

    I am praying for you I go through the same thing with depression just keep pushing forward ! Life will get better . And he was a jerk

  • Tiya

    Thank you for sharing your struggles, it’s hard to put yourself out there like that but you are helping others to know they are not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am glad you are starting to get help for your depression…stick with it. Make it your top priority if you can. You will be able to buy a house later…you’re doing right by taking care of yourself. I am so sorry for the extremely sh**ty slump you are in, that just plain SUCKS! I am in your corner and believing you will pull through stronger than ever. I really enjoy your blogs. ~Tiya

  • Hélène


    Je vais écrire en français car je ne pourrais pas exprimer tout ce que je ressens en anglais.
    Je suis ton blog depuis quelques mois et j’ai lu tous tes posts. J’ai vu que tu as même “survécu” au jour supposé de ton mariage. Je ne sais pas quand tu seras mieux, et je donnerai tout pour que ce soit le plus tôt possible.
    Ce que tu ressens, je le ressens également.
    Je t’envoie un lien sur youtube d’une chanteuse française (ttp:// qui chante l’optimisme.mais qui est passé par ce que tu passes en ce moment. Quand je n’ai pas le moral, j’écoute souvent cette chanson.
    Tu as tout mon soutien et si un jour “Ca va”, passes par la France et je te ferai visiter tous mes endroits préférés. En plus, toi qui a toujours voulu voir l’Espagne, j’habite à 10 mn de la frontière espagnole.
    Good luck Jill
    et comme on dit en espagnol “Animo”

  • annikins

    Look at all your friends and all the love coming your way. It’s ok be numbed out after such an awful week but there will be a better day. The sun will shine again. All the and prayers.

  • Melissa

    Well, now you have me crying. I loved your post. I love you – I LOVE it when you pop up on my news feed. I love all your creative ideas, I love your call to be more responsible with clothing and wastefulness, I love your beautiful smile, your sharp wit, your willingness to be open and vulnerable with this internet community you’ve built up. I’m rooting for you all the way over here in Seattle. You are a great light in this world – thanks for all you do, J.

  • Nik

    The pressure put on folks to be “happy” is enormous and ridiculous. It’s like being forced to eat cake when you really need a bowl of broccoli. Life is full of troubles and we should cry when need to. There’s a book by Oliver Sachs called A leg To Stand On that may not seem relevant at first, but if you consider emotional pain & heartache as you would physical injury, I think you’ll be helped by it. It helped me when I was very down.

  • Anne @ artygreeninparadise

    We don’t really know you, but your light shines through – you are fabulous. I’m sending you a link to a song that I would play and it helped me through some rough times. You may know it already – Grover Washington Jnr’s “The Best is Yet To Come”. (hope the link works), hope it helps you too, along with the thoughts of all the people around the world who love what you do. We love that you are real – and that means that it’s not all roses and the sun doesn’t always shine. Be kind to yourself xx.

  • Donna Halpern

    We can’t see into the future Jillian, but things will get better. Sometimes we have to walk in mud to get to the sidewalk. I have a world of faith in you. And BTW, Mark is a turd…better you know now than latter!

  • Sheila

    I understand you so deeply. I too struggle with depression….and a life that likes to throw a load of crap at you at once. I can’t help you, but hope that it makes you feel just a little better to know that you are being thought of and wished the best. I think you are a beauty and also very talented. Hope this passes soon for you! ((HUG))

  • Joanne

    I’m loving you even more today! I’m so making myself a nest 🙂 and my LadyBug sends sloppy licks to Douglas xoxo

  • annybeads

    I also have suffered from depression since earliest memories of childhood. I know it doesn’t help but having been in the bottom of the black hole with no light sining up above that I could see, I just hold on to the fact that is does get better. I know for me that antidepressants changed my life. And so did becoming an artist instead of a nurse. I hope you find what works for you. Mark is an ass to not want to help you work through the stuff. I have had more than my share of asses in my life, Now I have a dog – but then I am 71 and content with Riley as a warm body next to me in bed at night. For you I hope someone better comes along – someone who understands and doesn’t walk away. You are a strong and beautiful woman and I am holding you in the Light – that’s Quaker for I’m praying for you!!!! And it feels more appropriate to me. Love and hugs from one of your followers. Ann

  • Danielle

    I’m so sorry! I’ve had some hard times too. You’re doing exactly what you need to get to a better place. Keep getting out of bed every day, stay connected with friends, if you feel like crying… Get it out!! If I’m at a breaking point, getting a good cry out helps relieve stress and helps me refocus. You’re awesome, girlie! You can do this!

  • Katie

    I really hope that your world starts looking brighter, like, yesterday! You bring so much joy to those of us who read your blog and are inspired by your creativity. You deserve so much joy. In the meantime know that lots of us are out here sending you positive vibes and lots of love!

  • Edith

    When I saw the title of your post I thought ‘oh, goodie, she’s going to refashion something made out of that shiny fabric (lam-ee).’ But no, you really meant lame. Not only are you feeling depressed you’re feeling guilty for feeling depressed. I ve got news. A recent study showed that depression is directly biologically related to the amount of inflammation residing in one’s body. I was thrilled to hear that. I too have a history of depression and have felt really wimpy about it. Please don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. There’s a lot of spunk under that down feeling. You’ll be better than ever soon. Besides, who else is going to rescue those frumpy fashions but you!

  • annie

    I find you amazing that you found the strength to share all of that with us. I too have suffered with depression often and find it very difficult to do anything with my day. Sadly I have put on 26 lbs. most recently. I have faith that things will improve for you. I speak for others. … we are sending positive vibes and prayers your way.
    P.S. I so look forward to your creations. .. they motivate me. 🙂

  • Aura Liuli

    Your story stayed with me today, and so an addendum to my previous comment: “Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.” You have reached out to touch the world and the world now returns the same. Life consists of one step in front of the other. As long as you can take that one step, the journey continues, and the sun rises even though there be clouds obscuring it.

  • Sally

    Thank you for being brave and honest and sharing what you’re going through! I know that so many in this online community can relate and it’s almost reassuring to know that even the most talented and “positive-outlook-on-life” people deal with troubles and pain. It’s even more comforting to know that they get up again and keep going when things fall apart. Did you know that today is International Women’s Day? Take a moment to celebrate yourself as a woman who’s taken risks, who’s perservered and who’s had a great impact on her community!

    “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.”
    ― Eleanor Roosevelt

  • Wanda Lee

    Ms Jill, I have always found your blog insightful, honest, and heartfelt; highs & lows, sadness & joy…take heart that so many strangers feel for you and your situation and only wish that you find some comfort in their comments. Sending calmness and another flicker of light to help guide you out of your personal “tunnel”… Wanda

  • DB

    Hugs to you! Depression and anxiety suck, so make sure to take exquisite care of yourself during this rough patch. You’re an inspiration, and I cant wait to see what you come up with next.

  • Emily J

    I never EVER comment, and I don’t sew or shop at thrift stores much, but really and truly subscribe to your blog because I think you’re awesome! You see such beauty in things most people would throw out. I hope you can see all the beauty within yourself and know that things will get better. You have so many friends and even strangers who care for you. 🙂
    Remember that you’re amazing and inspirational, even when you don’t feel like it. I hope you feel better soon!

  • Susanne

    I’m sorry. I always say to myself. “I’ll look back on this in six months and it will be no big deal. ” time IS a great healer and we just have to roll and wallow until time passes.

  • Brenda

    SEE … HOW AWSOME YOU ARE… I thought I would never get to the bottom of all these wonderful words just to tell you that. At least you didn’t marry someone who married you so you could support him… Newly divorced from an “A.H”. Just used me and told me how sorry I was after I had a serious back injury and lost my job and could not let him sit at home. Count you’re blessings, girl… And get on with your sewing and making us smile… Don’t make me come up there!!! 🙂

  • Bonny

    I’m so sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. You seem like such a nice person and i love following your blog. That seems like an aweful lot of stuff to deal with all at once but you have to make sure to let yourself feel how you feel. It’s normal and healthy to be sad and overwhelmed when that much shit is tossed your way. But darlin’, you made that gown look pretty cute. Not gonna lie…I’m a little impressed.
    Sending good vibes from Cali

  • Candy

    I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie Hoosiers, but the owner of the bording house tells Gene Hackman that the sun does’nt shine on the same dog’s ass every day. Keep that thought in mind. Rain is always going to be in an area to mess up our plans, but you have to stay strong! You are my favorite blogger and have inspired me in so many ways. Stay stromg and Don’t Forget to Be AWESOME! Something awesome is just beyond the hill and you will prosper and flourish when you get there!

  • Carlyfay185

    ComPlEtEly understand the anxiety… It’s a burden that those who don’t have just don’t get. I’m sorry you’ve had such a crappy hand to deal with right now, Jilly. Just hang on, it’s all you can do sometimes you know. One thing that’s always helped me is writing down all the good thing ga I can think of and everything I have to be happy about or look forward to. There will always be so muchore to write than you think. Just said a little prayer for you :). Much love from an NC girl 🙂

  • Holly

    You are smart, funny, talented and inspiring – NO ONE can take those things from you. Good karma all the way from Seattle from a fellow wine-lovin, art-lovin, music-lovin seamstress! 🙂

  • Marci Vandercapellen

    Dear Jillian, I too am a person who often has to work hard to be happy. I have a very good life so I could never understand why I should be depressed, people often suggested I go to counseling for the depression, but I honestly couldn’t think of what I would tell the psychologist. I’ve tried many things such as exercise, shopping, even alcohol. Luckily for me I can’t handle more than two glasses of alcohol without feeling sleepy nauseous, so that never worked. Finally in my 50’s a friend shared a similar problem and suggested that I ask my doctor for an anti depressant. I hate taking any pills by the way, but now I take a very mild anti depressant. It took a month and a half for it to kick in but I now feel great about 98% of the time. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself and all those around me. Good luck Jillian, feel better. Love Marci
    p.s. I receive much pleasure from your blogs, so thank you.

  • Jillian

    Our brave Jillian.
    I hear you.
    Sending loving thoughts to comfort you.
    And telling you, i think you are wonderful.
    So glad “you have got back on the horse”
    Love Jillian, Melbourne. Australia

  • Ginny

    Your honesty will touch and help so many of your followers. Having felt the same kind of anguish, I can tell you that there is help if you are willing to seek it. Know that you are in my prayers beautiful Jillian.

  • kauaikolea2

    The past few weeks have been havoc in many lives. Is the moon doing something strange or some weird right-angle triune or whatever? All I can say on the topic, and my life has had some serious downers, is that it will change, and we are all going to hope the change will be for the better. If you finances were not so tight, I would say come to Kaua’i because it is impossible to be unhappy here. The east side (Coconut Coast) is very spiritual and has great positive vortexes and negative ions from the ocean. And something drunk from a coconut is an instant upper.

  • Robin

    I am so sorry you’re going through such a tough time. Rest assured that you’re in good company though. I too struggle with anxiety and depression but your blog has definitely been a light in the darkness for me. I find that doing creative things like sewing and crafting almost always improves my outlook. Hang in there, we may not know each other but your words bring inspiration and happiness to more people than you know.

  • Nico

    We’ve never met, but I love your blog and think you’re a super cool, creative gal. I’ve been there, when things go from bad to worse. I hear Ya sister! Keep refashioning anyway!!!

  • Jen

    This is meant to make you smile, but when my uncle was bummed out he’d say, “If it weren’t for Bad Luck, I’d have No Luck at all!!” Sorry that your life is lobbing lemons your way now. I wish we could all vaporize there and have a big get-together with you, because we’d cheer you up and have you laughing in spite of yourself! Thinking of You!!

  • Mary

    Jillian, you are not defined by your current circumstances. Please know that you are much more than your circumstances. Live in the “present moment”. You don’t have graces for yesterday, you don’t have graces for the future. You only have graces for the “present moment”. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

  • Alisa

    Sometimes life sucks. I’m sorry things are less than awesome. I hope they turn around for you soon. Best wishes from Nashville.

  • Beth

    “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Hang in there. It will get better. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago. I take my medicine, but fighting a mental illness is hard work. I have NO doubt that you can do this. 🙂

  • Jen

    I just cried reading your post. Yep. Cried. I rarely cry. I just really appreciate and admire your honesty and openness. Sometimes you just need to say “You know what? Life is really f$&@ed up right now. And I’m kind of a mess.” We’ve ALL been there. I’m there right now…in a completely different way/set of circumstances. The problem is, I’m still faking it to the outside world that things are great. And that’s a very lonely place to be. Your rawness made me reevaluate my need to fake awesomeness. Hang in there. I always loved your blog and now I love it even a little bit more.

  • AnneMarie


    I don’t have any further words of wisdom to offer, but I wanted to comment just to let you know that you’ve made a difference in how I think about refashioning clothes. You’re smart, innovative and have a great eye. Thanks for being here to encourage all of us, and hopefully we, your faithful followers can lift you up as well.

    Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, girl, and know that you are loved and appreciated.

  • grjsskkaa

    My heart goes out to you. But gloom comes in groups of three, so smile, because you are due for something wonderful to happen. Guys like their women to be mean, if you want to keep one, just be mean to him and keep him guessing. Don’t be nice all the time. Look around….see all the mean beatches have faithful lovers. You’re just too nice. Saying prayers Mr Right will come along for you……but secretly (I have been married for 54 years and men are just kind of weird, so you must be true to yourself, for YOU are the one who matters.

  • Jacki C

    Honey – as someone who has been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time, someday’s life just sucks. I totally belief that God created Pharmacists for a reason, and I LOVE my pharmacist. Go spend some time at a shelter and let puppies or kittens love on you. It doesn’t make things better in the outside world, but they give unconditional love. I love your Refashions!

  • Connie-Ann

    To shorten my tale suffice to say I’ve been there. What I have learned is this. Things always change. Not always for the best. However, sweet energetic, forever finding old unwanted things. With a snip and a stitch (or a mere tie) making something new and alive. You are an inventor a creator a wiz !
    If nothing else you are simply purging the old and un-useful!!!
    So, while I have a will my moto is this
    Ignore the torpidos full steam ahead !!!

  • Sheila Roddenberg


    I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and know how horrible it is. I only recently found your blog but I have seen every one of your talented refashions. You have inspired so many of us. I got a sewing machine for Christmas and am on my second refashion.

    Thank you so much for being YOU and sharing your life with us. I feel like I know you personally.

    Great big HUGS and KISSES. It will get better sweetie!!!

  • Pamela

    We, your followers, care about you!!! You bring such joy to others. And I can see from the pics you post that you have friends who also care deeply about you. I wish we could all give you a hug right now.

    And anyone who is not willing to hang in there when things get tough does not deserve you.

  • Leah sipprell

    Jill I can’t make things better and they sometimes really really suck but know I am sending every positive vibe and love your way ….xxoo Leah Sipprell

  • Bobbie

    Depression is so very real! It is not a choice. Some days, you really do just have to make a conscious effort to put one foot in front of the other. Right foot, left foot….inhale, exhale. Never, ever, ever give up!! That is not an option! You bring a lot of joy to a lot of people, without realizing it. To borrow a thought from “The Help”…You are good, you are kind, you are important! I hope that tomorrow is a better day. I saw daffodils this morning, so hang on, spring is on the way!!

  • Judy

    Hey Sweetie,

    Here’s some of the self-talk that gets me through bad times. ” This too will pass!” “I will NEVER give up!” and my favorite “Don’t let the bastard’s get you down!” You can get through this, there are many of us here who love and care about you.

  • Erin

    #246 here. Yes things are shitty right now…And not to be a bummer but it can be worse (hey, you’re not in Syria right now right?). But you know what else? It won’t feel like this forever. Its actually not possible. So it may suck in different ways, but it won’t suck like this. And yes, I hope this makes you feel better. You know why? Because you are a bright spot in all 245 and counting of us’s (yes, us’s) lives. So thank you for sharing, we have all been there, and we are rooting for you to bring us your fantastic perspective on thrifted fashions and sewing. You are NOT alone. We are here for you. Please get help if you need it in your creative brilliant way. Every day I don’t see a refash from you, is a day a little dimmer. I don’t say that to put pressure on you, but so that you may know, when I sit down after a long hard day, it gets a little better from you sharing yours with me. I wish and pray for peace and love in your life. Cheers*** to what lies around the bend.

  • Tamara

    Feel better soon. Spring will be here before you know it and the flowers, if they don’t make you sneeze, will be very pretty. Take care.

  • Murielle

    First: (((Hugs)))

    Second: You are awesome, you inspire and encourage so many people to see, and create beauty. Because of you my birthday present to myself this year was a sewing
    machine–seriously! And because of you I am fearless!

    Hang in there, Hon. The last guy you need is the one who isn’t able to be with you through thick and thin. The right one will come along and in the meantime you are changing the world, one fashion at a time!

    (((More hugs!)))

  • iastargal

    I envy you because you can get depressed and yet still take a positive swing out of it. If it was me and it frequently has been, I just crawl into my bed and stay there until my other half drags me out a week later!

  • kim

    I am so sorry about all your troubles. It hurts so much when you are down on your luck. I wish you luck and its OK to cry!

  • Jennifer Mead

    Although I am new suscriber to your blog, I already know what an inspiration you are to many. I wonder if you realize the courage and dedication it takes just to put yourself out there to create and maintain a blog? And the committment? Oh my such commitment! Give yourself credit miss, you are truly, truly amazing. Your creativity and artistic talent probably coinside with your passion, which probably also causes other issues, like depression. I hope that the support of your blog followers is helping you, as you deserve some help and uplifting from others. So, with all that being said, thank you for sharing with us, and I’ll be praying for you. Thank you for all of your inspiriation and I look forward to more!!

  • Holly

    Kudos to you for being open and honest about what you’re going through. All too often, we read things online that make us feel that the writers life is perfect which we know can’t be so its refreshing to see what is real. I can identify with so much of what you’re saying! Another blog I read talks about the importance of continuing to “show up” for life when it’s hard to. Sometimes that’s all we can do but it counts for something! I do have a comment on the family thing…..we have our biological family and we have our logical family. We get to choose the logical family and those are the people who love us no matter what! Don’t forget that you’ve created a family here with the blog and we’re definitely here for you!

  • Elaine

    Well I think you are wonderful and I am addicted to this website. I hope that it helps when I say that you put a smile on my face even when I’m feeling down and alone. So I’m sending you lots of hugs and kisses and extra love and luck! <3

  • Courtney W.

    i first started following your blog in 2012, and yours was my first introduction to the concept of refashioning (which has now become something i love and try to participate in, though i still have a lot of room for improvement). thank you for that–before i found your blog (which then led me to the refashion co-op and other similar blogs), i had no idea that there was such a large community and movement (for lack of a better word?), and was really excited to give it a try myself.

    thanks for being honest about where you are…i don’t know if this helps, but if i could go back in time to a really rough patch for myself (a few years ago), i think all i would have been able to hear at the time is just don’t give up. it does feel sometimes like bad things in life come like the waves in the ocean–one after another without stopping, such that once you’re knocked down, it makes it so hard to get back up–but hopefully, there’ll be a break for you soon. if i can speak for myself and maybe other followers, i’m rooting for that to happen for you, and still love seeing your refashions and other bits of your life that you choose to share.

  • julie

    Anxiety has plagued me also. I believe in sharing these issues as a way of diluting the stigma associated with them so I thank you for having the courage to do so. Do you have any idea how many times your blog has cheered me and encouraged me to be creative? I hope your
    world gets less shitty. I hope you find a love that celebrates you. And I hope you realize how I and countless others value you on your fabulous blog.

  • Amélie

    Sending some love from the big north of Canada, where daylight only last 5-6 hours in the winter… and makes everyone depressed every year. But spring is coming soon, and your personal spring will shortly come as well. <3

  • Ellen Clayton

    Jillian things WILL get better. We have all been in your shoes at one time or another. This too shall pass. As for the depression, sorry but most artists do suffer from depression. Seek out a group, maybe it will help just knowing you are not alone. Hugs to you.

  • Christine M. Taylor

    I’ve been there it gets better since you cant be positive right at this moment I will be for you! You will find a pet friendly rental soon until you find that home to call your own. Mr. wonderful will find you when you least expect it and won’t be put off when things go wrong he will be there even when you don’t want him too patiently waiting.
    You have a light that shines bright and when you focus on what’s going right then those bad things start to turn into good things. Douglas depends on you for love and hugs ans knows you are going through a rough patch and even though you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel its there you just have to keep pressing forward until you see it and reach it! Love hugs and light your way

  • Heather

    I have not posted before, though I love your blog and read it regularly. I don’t sew right now – I am just too busy with too many other things in life, but I eagerly await your refashions and dream of the things that I might do when things slow down. I have been missing you lately and the longer we got from your last post, the more concerned I became. You have been on my mind often – wondering from afar if you need help and hoping you have good friends to lean on. I send warmest wishes to you, Jillian.

  • Katie

    I have pretty severe depression/anxiety and follow your blog because it cheers me up immensely. I’ve never had anything to say before so I’ve never commented but…now I want to say I’m sorry you’re hurting. Of course no one on the internet really knows how you feel but I empathize as much as is possible for a stranger. Thank you so much for the slice of your life you share with us– it has helped me so much– and it took a lot of strength to write this. I hope you can continue to find strength and move towards feeling better.

  • Lisa

    First, I am so so sorry you are going through such a lousy time
    Second, and perhaps more importantly, thank you for your honesty. I too am a glass empty person and have had to deal with the monkey on my back of depression my whole life. I’ve lived a little longer than you have so I can say with all certainty that things can and will get better and you deserve a partner that respects and cares for all of who you are, including a person who has the disease of depression. Yes, I do believe it is a disease and needs to be treated as such. Daily long runs, yoga and high intense cardio are generally my best ‘medicine’ as well as an antidepressant. I usually limit my drinking if I’m really in the throws of a deep dark. It doesn’t help me. Surround yourself with people that make you laugh and remind you of who you are when you aren’t feeling depressed.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers for success in finding a new home and car and that you celebrate your unique gifts!


  • Alisha

    I actually think this is/was a choir robe! 😉 On an ironic note, Pastor said something this morning that’s for you. If you find yourself constantly in a low spot, perhaps you should be open to getting some help. He also said, encouraging one’s self is a choice. You choose to either stay in said hole, or you choose to lift yourself out of it. Now, like I said, if you’re in a place where you can’t do that, please seek help. Depression is a very serious thing and I don’t want to see you travel down a path you can’t come back from. You are special. God made you that way. He also loves you and so do we. Get a good night’s sleep, it’ll be better in the morning. Love you girl!

  • beshelley

    Hope by now, things have improved a bit for you. From one crappy life situation to another…it will get better. I started a blog about mine and somehow, it helped to write about how crappy it was. Hoping your writing did so for you. Love your posts, only fashionista I follow.

  • infomissionary

    You’re amazing. I love the refashion of the grad gown,it turned out so chic! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with the entire Internet, you’re a brave and bright star. I love your blog.

  • Beverly Blackwelder

    Your blog has brought many smiles to me, along with great ideas and inspiration to try new things and think outside the box. I’m so sorry for the bad things that have happened; dealing with anxiety and depression when life is upsidedown can be overwhelming (I suffer from GAD). My prayer is that you will feel all the outpouring of love and caring and hope from all of your readers, friends and coworkers as you work through life’s challenges and will feel comforted. I’m sending positive thoughts, hopes, prayers and especially love your way.

  • Mara

    So, reading your post makes me worry that you think you owe the world to be positive… Um… Sweetie? You owe us nothing. You’re real. That’s all the world needs. And frankly, it sounds like you need to reserve some energy for little things, like, you know, waking up in the morning. I love your blog and it inspires me when I’m in a creative rut. I love that you love your dog. I love that you put so much of yourself out there that your readers think they know you. I also love your struggle; its authentic and inspiring. I was thinking about a re-fashion today and wonder if seeing what your art brings out in others would shine a little light in your day? I can send you pictures. Ha! They might make you laugh out loud at how ridiculous they really are. But really, Jillian, you are enough… Flaws and all.

  • becky

    I am 73 years old and enjoy your website. You are a beautiful, funny and talented women. I finally learned after all these years that you don’t have happy days or bottom of the pit days all the time. When the bad days come I just figure its my turn. Every person gets their turn. The good days will be back and it will be someone elses bad days. You will be able to help that person because you know how they feel.

  • Michelle Rose

    A new level of lame…? Ummm, I think not. Girl we are all on an incredible journey together– traveling different paths–but ALL of us hit similar highs and lows, happy times and sad times, times of joy and times of despair, times of bravery and times of being afraid. We all walk it alone– but most of us are not alone– we have those who love us– friends and family– near and far. (And fear not your special man will come- who will love you just as you are and will never walk away.) Love and peace to you! Blessings– Rose

  • Jessica from PA

    230 some comments later, I’m not sure if you’ll read them all 😉 ,but if you do, know that this girl understands what it’s like to really have to try to be happy too (and I know I have more blessings than I deserve). Tomorrow is another day and it is never too late to be proactive about what life throws at you. Just stick with it! Better days are coming.

  • Kylie Haberl

    From one strangers heart to another. Hang in there. Sadly there is nothing Fair about life. Things happen to us that shouldn’t happen if we all lived in a computer game. (Hang in with me for a minute while I try and explain this) In computer world we get bonus points to use when we have been good, and bad people use all their points up and get eaten by pac man.) If we were all a computer game that would be great. But real life just isn’t fair. Shitty shitty things happen to good people all the time because there is no points saving system. Cry, Scream, whatever it is that helps get the ick out of your heart. You are a good person. Good things will happen to you again. I want to thand you for shareing your whole heart and soul to the world helping my days become brighter and happier. I hope you can find joy in having your love rain back down on you from all of us. Big sloppy internet hugs and kisses from me.

  • Julie Tol Veeneman

    Look what your transparency brought on you!! Pages and pages of people with well wishes blessings and prayers for you. Keep on keeping on. You only have to be the best you you can be, not somebody else’s great. Sometimes being just ‘FINE’ is good enough. Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, emotional. Hope your cheering section has convinced you that you won’t be stuck in FINE. It will become OK then fine, then good and then as good as you get. Do what ever worked before to move you along and know we are cheering you on.

  • Eve

    Hugs to you sweet girl. Life can be so incredibly difficult at times, and it’s hitting you from every direction right now. Hang in there! Give some thought about moving to Asheville! We all love dogs up here!
    …and you are the only person that’s ever made a graduation gown look awesome!

  • Mellissa Greene

    Girl, it’s crazy how we all think we know you because electronically, you are such a huge part of what makes us happy!!! We look forward to that email with a new refashion or witty story. We look forward to voting on what we like best , we get excited when we see good things happening for you, we are happy when you are happy and we celebrate your awesome accomplishments. (I was on vacay in FLA when you did GMA and OMG I had every one I could find watching you!)
    But the truth is, most of us DONT know you or what goes on in your life. Not really. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get sad when we read a post like this one.
    I sat on my couch and read every word and all I wanted to do is reach through the computer and give you a big hug. Because sometimes a big hug can mean so much more than words. Especially because words aren’t usually what we want to hear when we feel this low. For me, I just want someone to get it. To get ME. And to let me wallow. At least for a little while. Then I want those people to just smack me in the head and tell me to snap out of it, ala CHER in Moonstruck.:)

    We all have a story to tell of that day when we thought things couldn’t get any worse. I know I do. So I want you to know that i know you have awesome friends. We see them in all your pics. And I know that they can really, physically, carry you through this tough time. But please know that there are also a ton of us ‘electronic’ friends who look forward to seeing you overcome this bump in the road and find your true happiness. It’s out there and you will find it. Of that I am certain. And in the meantime, here’s my big hug- ((((((((((((((((<3)))))))))))))))

  • Amanda A

    I hope things get easier for you really soon. Sounds like you’ve been hit by an avalanche!! Thinking of you and sending light and love xo

  • Katrina

    Love your writing, love your inspiring refashions, and sending you all my best vibes. Think on this idea -try living in Australia for a while. Really. What you are looking for is not an issue here. Can you do your job from a distance?

  • Francine

    Hang on there girlfriend, sending you good karma from Canada where we still freeze our butts in March!
    Things are cyclic, currently down but soon to be up!
    We love you! You and your funny and talented posts!

  • dannyscotland

    I am so sorry to hear that things are sucking. I hope the vacuum drawing that mighty suckaliciousness will break down and quit running soon so you can get back to feeling better and not have to fake smiles. PS You don’t have to fake smiles.

  • Aura Liuli

    Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before.
    Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”
    — Alice Walker

    a hug from my corner of the wide wide Universe.

  • Joyce

    Jillian, I’m so sorry you’re going through such a tough time. But damn, you sure rock that graduation gown!
    I hope things will start looking up for you soon – you deserve the best!

  • Denise

    ‘ve been reading your posts for almost a year now, and find you to be so inspirational and a bright star. The trouble is, I think creative people (me included) sometimes feel the need to cheer others up because we thrive on sharing good vibes to the world. But it isn’t fair for you to have to always be the happy one!

    You finally had feelings that weren’t perfect, it’s okay. Sometimes people, especially guys are attracted to that light because they don’t know how to cultivate joy for themselves. So naturally when things get a little real (moving is stressful!) they take off! He didn’t have the capacity to handle the heat so he doesn’t deserve you on your best days either!! And a good guy would want to help you better your life…he wasn’t one, which is SO GREAT because that gives you the gift to be open to attract someone better.

    You are gorgeous, talented and can share your real self with us! That takes so much strength and tenacity. You have support all around you!! So feel it ALL! Some of my best work (artist/dancer) has come from times when I have been down

    So I’m not going to tell you to cheer up! You are officially allowed to feel down. It’s fun to brighten up a room, but it’s not always your job. It’s okay to go a few weeks without making a stunning creation or blog post.

  • Katherine

    I have followed you for a long time and enjoy every post of yours. All have been enjoyable and I have missed you very much. Please know that while I do not know what it is to live your life, pain is realized before we grow. Very creative souls often experience more pain due to anxiety and depression and maybe this is necessary for the creative process. Just know that I am thinking of you and wishing for your life to go through a pleasant turn around soon. I find that meditation work wonders for me. Take care, Sweet Soul!

  • Cara

    I never, ever ever, never ever, EVER leave comments on anything. But here, I am compelled to post something.

    Shit is shitty, no doubt. There have been days when I literally didn’t shower or change clothes because the depression was so thick around me. But anytime I checked my email and saw a new Re-fashionista email, I opened it, read it, and inevitably smiled.

    Go, fall apart, feel the feels. And when you are ready, we will be here waiting for more awesome refashions, because lady…you fucking rock.

  • Ali

    Whenever I see a new post from you in my inbox, it totally makes my day. I love the way you are always real and yourself and today is no exception. I am so appreciative that you are willing to share yourself with me, even though you don’t know me. I have had similar feelings under different circumstances, so I have an idea of where you’re at. I am raising my virtual glass to you and wishing that the universe expedites an amazing set of joys to you to offset your sadnesses.

  • Lil

    You tied a graduation gown around your waste and still look so bloomin’ cute!!!! Not many people in this world could do that ! In fact, you might just about be the only one!!!

    You hang in there my dear! Continue to allow yourself time to “just be”.

    Your posts always bring a smile to my face.

  • Pam

    Sounds to me like you have REASON to feel a little low. Too much stress, the positive kind, new job and great new co-workers, along with the negative kind, no home and a break up, will do that to a person. Many great suggestions here from let the landlord meet your pup (I’m a landlord and have been known to take in a doggie or two) to get some vitamin D and whatever else. You are a beautiful, talented woman who probably has what she wants and needs even if she doesn’t always know it. All the best from a mom of a thirty-something daughter. {BIG HUG}

  • TaraLee

    To quote the great RuPaul, “The best family is the family you choose”. We are your family, your awesome group of friends are family and your adorable pup is family. Take comfort in them and ask for help. You are a helper and I suspect you are the type who never asks for help, and is uncomfortable with that. Ask your friends to keep their eyes open for a rental, or maybe you could still purchase, but add a roommate to ease the financials. Concentrate on the blessings in your life and how grateful you are for them. Take care of yourself while your heart is healing. When it feels like anxiety and depression is taking over your life, take it back by getting out, or staying in, but with a friend or two. Keep busy so you can’t wallow in the bad. But most of all, know that you are loved, and valued, and it will all work out in the end. It may not be the way you had envisioned it, but it will still be great! Just look at all these wonderful comments. I have a blogger friend who recently had some setbacks and when she shared them she got tons of wonderful, uplifting comments. She printed them all out, cut them into individual comments and put them in a pretty jar. Whenever she started to feel down, she would take one out and read it. One day that jar was the only thing that got her out of bed. It’s a good idea, worth trying. In the meantime, hugs to you!

  • sandra

    Wow, I really feel for you. It hurts so much and I know words will not relieve the hurt, But it does get better. You seem to have some awesome friends. Take strength from them and keep those refashionistas coming. You seem to give so much – as I say take strength from friends. Yours in Oz Sandra

  • Linda Stanley

    I am 68 years old and have suffered from depression on and off all my grown up life. I do understand and will be praying for you.

  • Steph

    Thank you so much for sharing. I love your refashions and also really appreciate you telling us how you feel- I can relate to what you are saying- the trying really hard to be happy. Big big hugs from the UK.

  • Christine Scott

    Hey. On the bright side … know that you are not alone! Warm hugs from Calgary Alberta, Canada. Love your site. Love U. <3

  • Michelle Swetland

    Today being International Woman’s Day an all, you for some reason were on my mind. I kept thinking, where is Jillian and why hasn’t she posted? I really look forward to your posts. They bring a lot of joy to me! I love your creativity , as I have stated before I can’t even sew on a button!
    Well now I know why! I am so sorry for all your bad juju you have been having lately and not really knowing you I don’t want to give you some lame platitudes that will just sound like blah,blah, blah to you right now. Suffice to say we all care about you!

  • Sandra in Rochester

    Jillian, look at how many love-filled comments you have! We, your adoring public, wish you a quick turn-around. Think of us all crawling into that cozy nest with you and Douglas.

  • ajlugton

    Oh Jill, I’m so sorry to read this. What a crappy time you’re having. Thinking of you, and praying that things are on the up very soon. Be kind to yourself.

  • Gloria Silva

    I am so , so sorry you are feeling down! Thank you for opening up about your life this way. So many times we are fooled into thinking everyone is so “Happy Go Lucky”, and don’t know what’s happening inside. For a drastic example, my Niece was going thru tough times in her life, although she had a gorgeous, hard working Husband, two beautiful boys, a great job, yet she chose to end her life two weeks ago.
    Everyone is so devastated, how could she give up on life, we say.
    I found out she was Bipolar, something you would never know , unless you lived with her, I guess.
    So do your best to remember that you are important to many people in your life! You’re gorgeous, talented, and such a smart woman! Life is a gift, it’s up to you to make the best of that gift. Now get out there and so some fashioning! I love looking at your new projects, although there’s NO thrift stores that sell anything for $1.00!
    Please fell better, sweetie, we love you!

  • Bonnie

    Thank you for your transparency. I’m not preaching to you…not at all…but remember that alcohol is a depressant. Nourish your body and soul with pure water and good food. Prayers coming your way.

  • Lindsay

    Sending you good vibes!!!!! I love your blog and I love your refashions. Sorry life has thrown you curve balls lately. Happy that you have good friends to hang out with and cheer you up. Hoping there’s a silver lining coming up for you soon!!!

  • Sandy Athens

    Dear Jill, I love following your blogs and think you’re a “real” person who feels the lows and highs just like most of us! Hang in there girl and things will turn around! That guy wasn’t worth keeping if he can’t stick around when the going gets rough!! Let’s picture you finding the PERFECT place to live at a great price and that the PERFECT guy is just around the corner! Things are going to get better!
    Sincerely, Sandy

  • Danelle

    I recently found your blog and find it very inspiring. After your last post, I find it even more so. Thank you for being honest and open. We are often bombarded with the illusion that everyone’s lives are happy and great but ours, making it that much harder to keep it together when ours just plain sucks. Your admission of struggle is a breath of fresh air, because we all struggle! We are human! I, too, struggle with depression and anxiety. Thank you for reminding ME that I am not alone. Chin up buttercup. It’ll be okay.

  • Carmen

    Someone once told me that throwing rocks at electric poles helped relieve frustration. In the city maybe a punching bag and a heavy dose of prayer. Your blogs are so creative motivating so don’t forget all the positive impact you have on us refashionista wannabes.

  • Tara

    Thank you so much for sharing about your depression and anxiety. I suffered from both since I was about 4. It is nice to see I am not the only one in the world and we have a support system out there even if we don’t personally know each other. I will pray for you for better times. Your fashions have inspired me to try a few of my own. Surprisingly it has helped with my depression. Much love and hang in there!!!

  • Pam

    Like everyone else, I love your blog. In church last Sunday, our sermon was about how everyone always says “I’m fine” . But it really isn’t the way it always is, and it’s okay if you aren’t fine, and to say so. Thoughts are with you.

  • Shirley

    I have come to realize that life does have its ups and downs…sometimes really painful. BUT, keep strong and keep heading forward and looking up because things do change and pleasant things do come around again. Best of luck to you. You are a very talented and gifted person and I always enjoy coming to your blog!

  • Always A Fighter

    It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to feel like s**t because you forgot to clean the vacuum after you last used it and now you just don’t have the motivation to clean it & then use it!
    I’m sure many of the comments above, & any that appear after mine, will make you smile. At least, I hope they do!
    There’s nothing worse than feeling alone & you should know that you’re not. I’m sure that any one of your followers (myself included) would be happy to listen to rants, shouts, cries and whatever else you need us to listen to.
    You, I and everyone else here knows that you’ll be happy again, maybe tomorrow will be the start, just be strong until then. And remember, it’s ok to not be ok!

    Also, thank you for all your posts, I’m a latecomer but have been through all the previous posts and you’re a genius! Such an inspiration & even more so now I know you have your own struggles. Good luck to you xxx

  • Marty

    Go have a really good cry, then fake it until you make it. I find that if I start trying to make other people have a good day, then before long I am having a good day also. Some of my best encouragement for other people has been some of the best encouragement for myself. You do amazing work and you have a whole legion of people who respect you and care about you. You may never meet any of us but rest in the knowledge that you are worthy of a meaningful relationship. Hang on, God has one for you.

  • Debr

    Thanks for keeping it real, chica, and sharing a bit more of your personal side! Sending sunshine and happy thoughts your way…woosh…woosh! 🙂

  • Ana

    Sorry you are going through so much s–t. Stuff does seem to come in waves, but waves do have a flow and ebb and your wave is on its way back to a good flow. You gave up wine for lent, but, I am sure frozen margarita can substitue.
    He obviously didn’t know what an awesome person you are. So keep smiling, keep living and keep your head up. We all love you for who you are.

  • Liz

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have also struggled with lifelong depression, and it’s the pits. I hope you are surrounded by loved ones who are being kind and understanding, and that you come out the other end of this soon.

  • hwhitney2014

    Sending you virtual hugs from London Jillian, and reassurance that things will get better, even though it doesn’t feel that way at the moment. just remember to breathe, eat, sleep and give yourself a break occassionally….yes, even from sewing, and things will get better. And do keep talking to us when you want to, that’s what we’re here for! Hang in there Sweetie. Heather

  • Jane

    Hi Jill, sorry to hear things have hit a speed bump lately. I love your blogs/refashionistas – looks like you have a great gang of friends. Mark has done you a favour; you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t consider you to be their ‘no.1 favourite person’ you deserve to be someone’s number one. Don’t waste tears or time on him, he’s not worth it. That’s over now, you have to look forward; spend more time with your friends and start interviewing again, the sooner the better, that way you won’t have time to dwell on what isn’t but what might be. I hope you find a new place soon for you and your furry friend. I’m sure something will turn up soon, meanwhile spend time with your friends, they look a lively bunch! 🙂

  • rebecca

    Be kind to yourself. Don’t worry about putting up a front, because the folks who share your issues already saw through it. And love you for it. Let your friends help – they seem like a sweet and devoted bunch.

  • Karen Gregg

    Do not hate yourself for depression and anxiety!! They are not under your control any more than the colour of your eyes. I am so sorry that life has been so rough on you the last little while. I really enjoy your blog, your sweet face, and your goofy comments. If you are not under your doctor’s care, change that, and if you are not on meds, go get ’em, trust me, they work! If you want to avoid meds, I just read an article that says folinic acid and methylcobalamin B12 are supposed to help. Here’s the link:
    Good luck, I am rooting for you!

  • Wendy

    Thanks for continuing to be honest and putting yourself out there, even when life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns! Let your creativity help keep you out of that dark place called depression. Thoughts and prayers your way!

  • Melissa

    I had been missing you and hoped it was because things were going well. So sorry to hear that isn’t the case. You have been such an inspiration to me this last year — you are so creative and full of ideas. I wish only good things for you and hope that with the warmth of Spring comes something new and positive. Take care and know you have many “friends” out here that do care about you……hugs and prayers…..

  • Judy

    I wish I could send you some Texas sunshine! Spring is in the air here. Winter is so depressing. Everybody was going stir crazy. Girl, sometimes you have to count your blessings by putting a positive spin on the negative. You got rid of a lousy guy. He was NOT the one. That opens the door for the right person to step in. Keep your eyes open. He is out there!

  • Tahnya Stepp Ford

    Murphy’s Law dear. This was a rough winter for me. Stressful, anxiety level super high, SAD affecting me. I was hating on just about everything because of my stress. My beautiful husband told me to write down on paper 10 things I’m THANKFUL for. I actually wrote down 11 and posted it on my computer monitor. It did help. Along with a sunlamp. Tomorrow is another day, different from yesterday, it is now the past. Leave it there. *hugs*

  • Звездица

    It’s gonna be tough work to read all the comments but it’s so nice to see how we care about you. This life moment will pass, and better one shall come. It will. IT WILL. Just take care of you. And spend time with friends, go outside and try not to be alone. These are my ex-single life secrets which have helped me.

    You have been a true inspiration for me for about an year, I hope that soon you will be feeling much better. HUGS from far away (Bulgaria, Europe).

  • Pam

    Dear Jillian, Thank you for sharing. Everyone goes through bad times, and we just have to do the best we can. From all of the comments I have read, you are loved and so many people are pulling for you, commiserating with you, and encouraging you. Try to focus on the good things and always remember that even when life gets so very difficult, there are always things we can be grateful for. Better times will be here before you know it! Believe it!

  • carissalick

    Hi Jillian. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and love seeing your creativity with how you approach your thrift store finds, but I haven’t commented before. I just wanted to share how sorry I am to hear about all your troubles lately. It’s totally unfair that you’ve had to deal with so many issues all at once. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!

  • silvia

    I know it seems tough for you right now but reflect on your good fortune. To me your life still seems awesome. I’m in my early 50s, dumped by husband 10 years ago so raised 2 little boys completely on my own. Men my age are not interested in women their own age so still single. No degree. Just told company is downsizing and I’m probably on the list to go. No friends.

  • Carole S

    I can totally relate to everything you said. Know that you are not the only one who struggles with all that stuff and you are not alone even though I know from personal experience it sometimes feels that way. I enjoy your blog, appreciate your honesty and hope things turn around for you. Loved the graphic you posted at the end. (((HUGS)))

  • Joy

    So sad to read your email. Maybe you could research EFT, also known asTapping by Nick Ortner, if you are not familiar with it. It works on the same principle as acupuncture and helps to resolve different types of issues. I wish you love and healing.

  • Judy

    Hi. I am so sorry about your challenges. I don’t know if you believe in God. I do. Prayer for help works.
    On the apartment hunt (You may already be aware of this!)…I suppose you have put the word put to realtors etc. When were were trying to find a space in a small town a few years turned out that the best spaces were word of mouth. For the owner of rental property, it’s easier to be very careful about the folks you even let know the property is available. By talking to many realtors and friends and neighbors. will probably find a terific place that is never listed on Craigslist etc.

    I enjoy your posts and the great eye you have for seeing the possible out of the different clothes. That ability is rare and a blessing to you. It means you never judge a book by its cover. (Or how clothing looks on a hanger !)

    Also, you keep on trudging and don’t give up..that’s another amazing trait that speaks to a strong character!

    I hope I don’t sound preachy, it’s just that at 54 I’ve been through some of the things you mentioned and wanted to reach out and give you a big hug and a little advice so you know even when you feel alone..your not.

  • Michelle Van Ellis

    Wow! So many readers caring about you. I didn’t read all of your comments so don’t know if someone else mentioned this, have you thought about getting your pup certified as an emotional support animal? I’m not sure that’s the correct term but it may help you get around pet restrictions. I’m sure he is a support to you. Good luck!

  • Organizational Specialist

    Thank you for your transparency! I love following your blog and appreciate every time you post, but I especially appreciate your honesty and willingness to be open about what is happening in your life. Love the no sew refashion, and look forward to seeing where the next day takes you! Praying for an awesome new place!

  • Cynthia Konow-Browenll

    Hey! You are very brave….and once you can attach language to something, you can do something about it. Have you ever considered talking to your doc about some of these issues? I’m also a lifelong survivor of depression….and it’s chemical! Some is behavioral, but by getting the chemical under control I could address the behavoirs that were getting me in trouble.

    Please feel free to ping me if you need more info.

  • Kiki

    I’m not going to give you pity, only helpless people need pity. You don’t need pity, you just need to know that things are going to get better, (they will), and you need to power through until you get to better, (you will). We’ve all had days where we run out of f***s to give, and for some of us, like you and I, the struggle is like a trap that keeps us underwater gasping for breath and trying to survive. But you will survive, you always have before, and you will do more than survive, you will live fully as only you can.

  • Kate

    Good wishes and internet wine! And I like the skirt — very elegant.

    Idea — maybe your vet or Pets Inc. or one of the other shelters has a list of pet-friendly rentals? You might could get on a waiting list somewhere even if they’re full right now. (Assuming you don’t have to move right away and you haven’t already tried this, of course.). Good luck!

  • Elaine

    Sending you many warm hugs x many of us using social media show the sunny side rather than the other one x May your down be shortlived and may you find the most perfect and gorgeous new home for you and your lovely dog x depression is never easy, regardless of how much you have or don’t have in your life, one step at a time lovely x x x

  • Tiffany

    I am a very new reader to your blog and I love it! You are creative, cute, and a good writer. My heart goes out to you sister. You are authentic-keep going.

  • Annette Deardurff

    I’m so sorry for the tough times you’re going thru right now. I hope your life brightens really soon. And that little cartoon you shared? I have someone who creates that little haven for me where i can find comfort and peace- his name is Jesus! I pray that you would find comfort and know things will improve!! Annette

  • Leigh

    BIG WARM SNUGGLY HUG! Actually love the refash! Just one thing and then no more “meaningful” platitudes; it takes a STRONG man to be able to care for someone besides themselves. Ok done. One more hug and then good luck with car and home hunting!

  • Cindy

    Thanks for your honesty. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, and I understand what you are going through. Sometimes I can’t think about making it through a whole day at a time. During those times, I just think “one foot in front of the other.” You bring a lot of happiness to others. I hope you can find comfort in that.

  • Anne Louis

    While hearing that things will get better is nice, it doesn’t help with the agony of today….I think you helped both yourself and countless others with your brave posts.

    I don’t have an answer, but I do have empathy (especially about the missing family).

  • Audrey

    I too just suffered a sucky year! But I didn’t get nearly as much positive comments on my blog about it. 😉 There were ups and downs and plateaus, but things seem to be improving, as I finally start a new job tomorrow. I’ve been reading through your blog, so I have this crazy belief that we will both get through it. I look forward to the return of the refashion, because it means a return to normalcy for you.
    Much love from Texas.

  • marteenacee

    First, graduation gowns are so stupidly expensive for a1-time wear! I think your maxi skirt is perfect.
    Second, thank you for bravely sharing your journey with us. We readers are your fans and will eagerly wait for you, no matter the length or reason for your pause. You don’t owe us anything except for your own well being. Sending love.

  • KC

    Well thank heaven for friends! Sorry things have been shitty for you. I’m sure you helped a lot of people by venting. We all need to know that it’s normal to feel that way and that everyone has a lot of levels besides their public face. Depression is so common and so misunderstood.

  • Kylea Amerin

    You are entitled to be unhappy sometimes. We love seeing all your goofy upbeat posts and we love to share in your silliness, but we all have bad days/weeks/months… And we can all just suck it if we have any complaints about you being human. 🙂

    I also suffer from depression and anxiety. It is better now than it used to be, but I still have some pretty awful days despite my desire to just BE happy.

    Not to be a pessimist, but I firmly believe in “when it rains, it pours.” When we’re having our bad days, everything that can go wrong seems to do just that.

    I know it’s been pouring for you, but I and so many others are happy to share an umbrella.

  • Claudia

    Oh dear, Jill, so sorry for what you’re going through…
    Keep your chin up, you are being loved. Hang in there!
    Hugs & huddles & wishing you well!

  • Andrea

    Ugh.. depression and anxiety are evil twin bitches. I hate it when people tell me to “hang in there”. Although they say it with the best of intentions, sometimes life just sucks balls… I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s not fun, it piles on for what seems like forever. All I can say is I can relate and I wish you peace and hope you can find joy and humor. (there’s always humor if you have a dog) <3 <3 <3

  • Carolyn

    I feel ya on the depression and anxiety. Sometimes it’s just really hard to be happy. Sending you virtual hugs!! ((Hug))

  • Donna R.

    Oh Jillian, I’m so sorry for your struggles. I have a close friend who shares your pain and I just want to remind you to let your friends be there for you. They hurt with you and only want to help you through the tough times. That being said, I think all these comments make it obvious that it’s not all about the refash…we love to see your spirit and creativity whenever you can share it. Your followers (even if we don’t sew) are behind you all the way!!!! Positive vibes that things will turn around!!!

  • Amy

    Oh you little sweet thing. we’ve never met but as a blog follower, my heart hurts with you. I just want to hug you and tell you this too shall pass. And until it does, I’m here with you. Thank you for giving me the privilege of sharing your journey with you. I will be praying for your hunt for home and transportation. And for your spirit. That God gives you hugs and encouragement from all over, web and face to face.

  • Rebekka

    I can relate. I also have battled depression and anxiety since I can remember. I say brava to you for posting even when stuff is shitty! Most of all, I really admire you for your honesty and your willingness to be vulnerable. Thank you.
    I love your blog, and now I love it even more!

  • Marsha

    I love your posts, but I understand your pain. Depression has haunted my family for generations! I’m the third generation, and I’m afraid it’s gone on to my daughters. I will pray for you for things to get better. I also hope you get professional help…it has helped me enough to get through the tough times. If one medicine doesn’t work, keep trying different ones until you find one that DOES work! Good luck with everything you attempt.

  • Sherry

    Bless your heart. Praying that everything turns around for you soon! You are an inspiration even when the going gets tough! Sending many many good vibes your way!!!!

  • Aden Cardin

    So sorry all that has happened to you so close together. Love your refashions! Love Douglas, Love your friends and Love you. Ask for help. You have everything going for you and you can do whatever you need to to make it work. Just look what you do with ugly dresses.

  • kristacarter14

    Jillian, can you tell from the posts that we all feel like we know you? You’re very human, we all have the same ups and downs….trust me.

    When I turned 39, in June 2009, I demanded To God, you need to bring mr a man or a house!! I had been a single mom for 14 years. 1 month to the day, I put an offer on my house. 2 months to the day I moved in. I tell this storie to friends and they said, “I think you got the better of the two.” Makes me laugh. I was “married to my house for 3 years, always painting, fixing, pulling weeds. It was my “husband”. Then I met someone and was married at 43. I love him but his pro blames become mine and I realized that’s why God didn’t bring him into my life when I demanded, I wasn’t emotionally ready. Today I am and feel stronger than ever. A good friend told me something that completely changed my attitude, “you have Cinderella Syndrome. You’re waiting for a man for your life to begin” she was right. I’m not saying you’re this way at all. So I poured my energy into something that wouldn’t hurt me, or leave me until I said so, my house. This is your sewing. You love it. Force yourself to stick with it and you’ll start feeling normal again. Tackle one issue at a time, don’t overwhelm yourself. You’re only one person and can only do so much!!

    Hang in there. We all still love you.

  • Chica Andaluza

    A brave and honest post and I am so sorry that you are going through this shit right now. Try to seek help where you can (doctors, friends, any professional help re finding a new home). It’s a tough time for you and you’re going to have to go through it or round it – through it is the hardest, but I hope you come out the other side soon a happier person. I know we can’t help from “out here” but we are most definitely sending you positive vibes. Take care x

  • Samantha

    Hang in there Chica. Be happy when you’re ready. Not for anyone else. Just for you. I look forward to your posts, whenever they arrive is fine with me 🙂

  • Kim

    My heart goes out to you as well as my prayers. I also suffer with high anxiety and severe depression so I know what your going through. I’ve had a horrible few weeks as well. My mom died, moving, loss of a pet etc. keep on keeping on and continue to head in the direction of positive changes. In the meantime plod through…

  • Hadley

    My heart goes out to you. I am sending you positive and healing energy. Just want you to know I have a 12yr old daughter who is autistic. She thinks you rock. She never wants to try anything new. We could never find any hobbies she would try. I sew but she never wanted to try. I did not push. One day she came in and saw I was looking through your page and she wanted to look. Fast forward a couple of hours later. She loves your page. She now has started an area in her closet of clothes to make over. She also now has a little Pixie Signer sewing machine. This gave me hope for her. She has always wanted to dress different from everyone else but was scared people would make fun of her. She saw the pictures of you in public having fun and that struck a chord with her. She has several strikes against her in life. She is one of the shorter girls in class and everyone knows she is a little different. But she wants to be like you. Everyday she ask if you have an update. My family and friends have started letting her “shop” in their closets for things she can make over. Thank you for being you and sharing it with the world.

  • Ame

    I have nothing to add that hasn’t been said already, but keep being your badass self. The world totally kicks our asses sometimes, but it will turn around, one small thing at a time. You are an inspiration to many, and valuable to complete strangers, so how cool is that? We love you. Take care of yourself in whatever way you need right now.

  • Karen P

    You are a nice person with a kind heart – never ever forget that!
    You are very brave sharing the bad as well as the good – never ever forget that either!
    It will pass and you will be happy again – just hang on in there – we have stuff we have to deal with even if we don’t feel confident or brave enough to share.
    Sending you huge cyber hugs hun xx

  • The Herb Lady

    I do not love my husband of 30-whatever years, and my dog is my soul mate. Most days, I fake a positive attitude and fool everyone, myself included. But we have wine and we have refashes–YAY! <3

  • Meredith

    I am so sorry things are so crappy. I understand how droression smd anxiety can screw up your life. I admire you for opening up about it and I truly hope things change for the better soon. Smart of you to see your friends too-I tend to hibernate and be a recluse and that’s not smart you have lots of fans who are your supporters Take care, my friend
    And I LOVE LOVE LOVE thevwsynthatbsirt looks on you !!
    Meredith in MC

  • jennifer

    You are a generous and kind person and I so admire you for sharing the bad with the good. Sometimes I read other blogs and feel like my house is gross and my relationships are lame, until I realize they only post the good (and fake the lighting)! You make me feel better with your human-ness. I’m pretty sure that’s not why you started this blog but I appreciate it. With all the good you do, I sure hope to see some return to you soon.

  • Claire Duncan

    Oh my heart goes out to you darling girl. Never let someone make you feel less than the perfect fashionista that you are! Look how far you have come. Your life has been so busy, especially in this past year. You’ve seen much success and it’s only just the beginning! Try to let this one go. When you think about it, you’ve got so much going on that you might not have had enough to give your all in a relationship. I so enjoy watching your creative expression through sewing. You are a true artist. Someday you will come across someone who totally appreciates who you are and what you do and want to raise you up as high as we want you to go. Keep putting one forward and follow your instincts. They’ve gotten you this far so you can count on them taking you all the way.

  • Colleen Mayberry

    I love your blog and have come to love to as well. So many people deal with depression and anxiety – thank you for being brave enough to share your story! It’s exhausting to always put a smile on your face. Chin up! You have more supporters than you know!

  • Nikki

    Love the highs and lows of depression. It looks like you are not alone and will never be. Just know there are a lot of us who care and will keep you in prayer 🙂

  • Jen

    I’m sorry the universe is dumping all over you right now. I hate that. I’m not going to give you any of the there there platitudes because I also hate those. I too suffer from anxiety and depression and craptastic series of moments where I look up at the sky and have to cry out, “Seriously, are you effing kidding me right now?” What I will tell you is I think you’re awesome, you’ve actually made Columbia look like a fun place to live. I’ve lived here 12 years and am not a fan, but reading your blog I think ya know, maybe I’m just doing it wrong. You’ve also made me look at clothes in a whole new way and one of my best friends from Kindergarten is doing refashions now because of your blog. I will too, I have ideas, I just have to remember how to thread my sewing machine. I hear that’s important. I’m sending you some positive thoughts so you can handle all the plot twists being thrown at you.

  • Shauna

    Jillian you are awesome. You inspire so many people. People all over the world read and follow your blog. You have so many wonderful artistic talents. Try and remember these things during this shit storm. There is always a bend in the road whether we can see it or not, it is there. Hang on sweetie.

    Your no sew refash was awesome (as usual) very fitting for the upcoming spring 🙂

  • Lea

    So sorry that you are going through a rough time. I frequently struggle with depression and anxiety and I know the struggle is real. I hope that something positive comes your way soon. Meanwhile, know that your openness helps others. I applaud your no-sew attempt, and getting together with others. It shows your spunk and determination to not let it get the best of you.

    You have inspired me, and I have dug out my sewing machine in the last few months. My goal is to get a spot cleared, so that I can actually use it. Meanwhile, I started a Pinterest board for myself for refashioned clothing ideas, and purchased a few thrift store items that I am going to refashion. One step at a time. Now if I can get over my anxiety about getting started and screwing up, I will be rolling along. Your sharing of even some of your not-so-fantastic pieces helps me with this.
    Thank you for who you are!

  • Suzie

    I look forward to your blog posts and am thankful you have the courage to write about everything, even when it stinks! I thought the grad gown tied at the waist was perfect…and cobalt is a great color!

  • Judy Cromwell

    Oh my Refashionista, I have been where you are, and on more than one occasion. My world was gray. Nothing but black and white and gray. Anxious and depressed, which caused me to be in a circle, not wanting to get out of bed, but wanting to get out…..well, you know. I finally went to a psychiatrist, went through a lot of weeks of talk therapy. I also got on a mixture of medication that does not interfere with my otherwise normal life. I saw colors and heard the birds singing.

    Please get some help with all that, then you won’t worry if you have someone or not. It helped me, and I stayed single for a long time, 15 years. Later in life, I met my current husband, and we have grown old(er) together.

    Your style, pizazz, and bravery is what makes you a great, intelligent thinker. Don’t go any longer without some help. You’re world will be so much better. If you don’t have insurance, or can’t afford to go, a lot of places will charge according to your income. Additionally, if you can’t afford your medication, most manufacturers will assist you in getting what you need.

    I need you recreating things again. You give me inspiration. Get better.

  • Lindsey

    After reading your blog for so many years I strangely feel like you are a part of my life and it pains me to know that you are struggling. Just like with those I know in person I want nothing but wonderful things for you. That being said, thank you so much for your openness and candid honesty. Hard times are not failures, they are what make us human and as much as they suck are the things that show us what we are really made of. You got up, you were creative, you walked out the door with your head held high even though the world has done so much to kick you down. That’s something to celebrate! You never know how the little things you do day to day impact people and your openness with this post may have helped someone off the ledge by letting them know everyone goes through the sadness they feel. Here’s to the good things that await you on the other side of this rainstorm! Cheers to you!

  • Trisha

    Hugs and all the good thoughts and vibes I can muster. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves credit for getting up, getting dressed, and actually making a go of it. Because that’s so super hard to do in and of itself, let alone deal with all the other crap that comes up.

    I think you’re a rock star.

  • Joan

    thank god for moody creative women…brain chemistry can be a bitch. breakups an even bigger bitch. hang in there. this too shall pass. hugs hugs and more hugs but only if you’re up for it. dive into the healing bosom of your friends, great job, and your creativity, they will probably save you. but honor and cherish your feelings every single last one of them up or down, happy or sad, it doesn’t matter, they are what make us human and beautifully human at that. take care, meaning self-care, self-care, self-care.

  • Anon

    Hi I just wanted to say that I think you’re fantastic fr being so strong. You’ll get through this- I promise. Crossing my fingers that everything will work out for you. All my love!

  • Hillary Laur

    One of my most favorite quotes (and I have no idea who said it first) is “Life is hard, but we can do hard thing”
    I always enjoy your blog, when I look at my email and I see ReFashionita in the list of unread emails I get a little smile.
    You are honest with your readers, the fact you try so hard to be positive and happy for us, I think gives you all the more reason to just let some of the those bad days be bad.
    I love this refashion, sometimes the best ones are just that simple. That smile is great, FAKE it until you FEEL it!
    You’ll always have my support!

  • Mercedes

    Wow you have had a full plate, I have been in a similar situation, keep your head up, your a very strong woman to have endured all that you have for this long. Your blessings will come soon enough.. you inspire so many women around the world…remember that.. There is Nothing you CAN’T do. You got this!!! Thank you for being so honest with us!! We’ll help you. Support you threw this..

  • Hillary

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. There is something very therapeutic about stepping away from productive life for a minute to rebound, I personally choose to live in bed and watch BBC dramas when stuff like this happens, but you don’t have to do that. Find whatever activity makes you feel a little less crappy and dive in for awhile. We all like you and think you’re brilliant and are excited to see how you will inspire us next. Take your time. We’ll still be here. Also, dating sucks, until it doesn’t, and one day it won’t.

  • Vintage Subversive

    *hugs* I’m glad you have good friends to hang out with, and I’m sorry you are going through such a hard time. I’m a fellow anxiety sufferer, and I’ve lived with it a long time as well, before I even knew anxiety disorder was a thing. Sending you all the good energy I can, and I gotta say, even though it was a “tie it around yourself” refashion, it (and you) looks damn good! <3

  • Tracy

    Thanks for being so honest. I think peoples’ online lives look great, but reality is hard to show to the outside world. Your helping people by being honest.

  • Angel

    Your blog is an inspiration, but that doesn’t require you to be happy all the time. I’ve had some shitty things happen, and smiled all the way through them because its just easier then telling people why you are sad or stressed all the time. I think it is really brave that you share the good and the bad with your loyal readers. All i can say is hang in there, sending you big virtual hugs and wishing you the best of luck finding a new place for you and Douglas.

  • Susan

    I hear you. I have had those days when getting out of bed was the most I could accomplish. And pretending is so exhausting that it’s easier to just pull in and hide. And boy, do I ever know what you mean about the break-up – looking into the eyes of THE one and feeling suddenly invisible, as though I am a stranger. It is really alarmingly disorienting, as though the planet tipped a bit on its axis and you can’t quite get your footing.

    Have you ever read the blog “Hyperbole and a Half” She wrote the best thing that I have ever read about depression. It’s not any kind of a Guide to Get Out of It but I found it so comforting somehow to know that someone else really GETS it.

    I wish you peace and healing.

  • galfromaway

    Depression and anxiety are such a struggle. One I can so identify with — I’m going through my own ups and downs with it. You’re so not alone in this. Mindfulness is something that’s showing promise for me, and I get a lot of joy from yoga.

    Take as much time for you as you need. Do what you need to in order to look after you. (Something I need to be doing for myself more) I hope you and your dog find a home soon, and that you find the best car you can!

    I really like the image Cassie shared with you above.

  • Crystal Patterson

    Even in your hard times its important to remember who you are, you are a kick ass re-fashionista that inspires people on a daily basis. Even though you might not post everyday, everyday someone is reading one of your posts. Mental and or emotional disorders are the one thing that are shared by the most successful people on earth and thank you for owning it without shame and making it okay for others. I admire your resilience and bravery, your passion and innovation. Being that bad ass is hard work and I and many others appreciate it.

  • Jamir

    Hang in there honey! I TOTALLY understand where you are right now. The hardest thing is to get through each day sometimes but YOU can do it! When you get down just think about how many lives you touch on here and brighten OUR days! Love and hugs your way!!

  • Tabitha

    I have read your blog for I think several years now and they always leave me with a smile on my face. You do have a positive outlook on life, at least as you portray on this blog, and it touches people. There have been some really crappy days for me that you have allowed me to escape, even for just a few minutes, but seeing how someone else on this big blue globe is living and gets my mental gears going with your fashion inventions. And this post is no different. Thank you for being brave enough to let the intarwebs know that there is more going on behind the scenes than what you see before you. Thank you for taking the time to even do a refashion on this post. Is it your best? No. But I am so thrilled you 1) got out of bed, 2) did a refashion, and 3) still took the before and after pictures and posted pictures of you with your amazing friends. Thank you for being you, but also for sharing “you” in the way you do. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think you’re super fly and enjoy seeing you happy and making others happy. *magic sparkling rainbow cue*

  • Maya

    I’ve never commented on your blog before but I just wanted to leave a quick not to tell you how much I admire you. Especially after this last post. You are brave and strong even though you probably don’t feel like either right now. You are an inspiration to so many. Thank you for sharing your world.

  • Sherri

    I understand where you are. What works for me is work at one hour at at time, when i get thru that hour then, i work thru the next hour. Don’t don’t let your mind go any farther ahead than the hour you are in now. That helps keep me focused and not become out of uncontrolled anxious.

  • Pam

    Jillian, So sorry you are going through this really hard time. As you can see from all these posts, there are a lot of people that really care about you and wish for you better times. I hope and pray those better times come around for you very quickly. You are an inspiration to a lot of people with your creativity and positivity and fun-loving nature. I for one wish I had your talent, insight and gutsiness. If we were all closer, we would take you out, cheer you up, and help you find that perfect place for you and Douglas. You are a great person and deserve great things. Believe it or not, they will come to you. Don’t give up, just keep on going and you will grow stronger and come out even better. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Get out in the sunshine if you can and go for a run with your dog. That may help to lift your spirits!

  • Sammy

    I know I’m just a random stranger from the internet, but I still wanted to comment 🙂 I’m sorry so many horrible things happened to you this month. It sounds like a nightmare. Sending all my good thoughts your way, and hoping that you can keep on going until things start looking better.

    Please be kind to yourself, and take the time you need. We’ll be here cheering you on.

  • Ms. Joey Williams

    I have never commented before but I get email updates on this blog and I feel compelled to tell you how much I appreciate the raw honesty of this post. How real it is. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and perfectly refitted dresses that cost $1 and know that while I am so sorry for your tough times, sometimes people going through things may use blogs to escape their own troubles. To see life through someone else’s eyes and this post reinforced the normalcy of everything being fucked up sometimes.
    Depression is a MF and anxiety makes the bad worse. However, things look up usually. Not all at once. But step by step and it’s the struggle that makes the good times that much better. I will hope for you that life improves and even when there is no positive spin, there IS wine. Sometimes shit sucks. Well, it sucks a lot. I’ve been there. I am there. And I’ll be back there.
    I’ll refrain from trying to uplift you. I’ll just applaud your honesty and bravery in exposing this part of you to the world. And tell you to just keep holding on. Just hold on. You’re doing well with that so far.
    Looking forward to the post where you tell us everything has evened out.

  • nenamatahari

    Girl, I get you 100% I, too have that same depression and anxiety thing and that same down disposition that has been there since I was a kid. I hope things get better super soon. I totally understand how hard it can be to have depression to begin with and have all this crazy shit happen around me. Keep in mind that you do bring happiness to others and inspire others. Hell, you’ve inspired me to pick up my art stuff many times. <3 Keep your chin up, Sweetie. <3 <3

  • Carol

    Sending you love and many hugs from Canada. You are a wonderful person ( easy to see from reading your blog) truly creative and caring of others. Wish you lived closer as you could just make a nest in my downstairs area and stay as long as you needed. You would wake up and see gorgeous cherry blossoms right now. And a cute doggy that would be a good buddy to your Douglas!
    Take each day the best that you can. Keep the lines open to your local friends ( isolation is a downer).
    Hope reading all these comments lifts your spirits, even just a bit, cause you really are loved in this challenging world. By posting the reality of your life right now, you have opened a conversation with millions of others.

    We are loving you now and forever.

  • E.

    THANK YOU. Getting outta bed some days can be a real bitch, and most days I feel like I’m the only one who’s like that in this world. It’s kinda comforting knowing I’m not the only one. THAT SAID…. I’m having a glass of wine, toasting my favorite re-fashionista & sending very happy and positive vibes from So. Cal. You’re totally not alone and I’m rooting for you!

  • peggyleslie

    “I’m one of those people who have to try really really hard to be happy. And sometimes, especially when things seem really awful, I can’t do it.” I understand this all too well. You’re the happy people person, so you’ll be fine,right? I have no advice, just a sincere wish that things get better for you.

  • Donna

    Ive been with my partner for 7 years in January, Lee told me he loved me Christmas morning, then had his ex mistress (with whom he has a 13yr old) for Christmas dinner. Didn’t say anything to me. I ended up asking her if she wanted him back. She said no. We agreed to keep between us. Lee and I talked things through, he apologised for not telling me. We agreed to move on, together. Had a lovely Sunday.   She told him Monday night. He came in screamed at me, took his stuff, left key and blocked me from Fb etc.
    Had a Happy New year xx text from him, I replied, nothing.
    I can’t be alone, can’t stop crying, can’t eat or sleep. Hurt so much I’m numb. James is upset because I’m crying so much. Mums at wits end. Not allowed my phone for more than 5 minutes whilst supervised.
    I’m a mess. A real complete mess.

    Ended up in Dr’s on Monday being put on antidepressants and sent for psychotherapy.
    So I text him to tell him just how bad I am, he texts, what time is he picking me up for work Christmas do on Saturday? I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to go, wanted to see him. He text throughout week, did I want to go swimming etc Saw him briefly Thursday,  it was weird, he seemed sad, I asked if he was sure he wanted me to go on Saturday,  he was.

    We went, it was strange to start, but we talked, we ended up in bed, it felt right. We had a cracking night, fell asleep wrapped up in each other. Woke and made love twice, went to breakfast and then for a walk along canal.
    We talked more all way home, agreed to continue talking but we were together and prepared to work for each other.

    Went to sewing course. Had call on way home at 9 last night.

    “I’ve been thinking about the weekend and yes we had a great time but I’m still angry with you and we’ve never sat and worked things out. I don’t feel I want to be in a relationship at the moment, I feel like I’m not living my life for me but for someone else and I want my life for me my way, I need to be selfish for the 1st time.
    I promise not to see anyone else until we do sit down and talk things through properly but I don’t know when that will be. For one thing I’m not interested in anyone nor do I want to be. I only want to spend time with Josh.”

    I’m numb, crying, paranoid, feel worthless, alone, lonely, unwanted, hurt, anxious. I’ve barely slept since Christmas, I’ve lost a stone. James is so sad and worried about me. Mum can’t cope with me being anything less than strong.

    Counselling isn’t for another week and a bit and the 22nd was supposed to be our 7th anniversary.

    Crap is not the word.

    So now it’s today…. I’m on higher dose and very slowly beginning to feel less like a nonexistent frumpy ugly unimportant worthless fool….. I’ve started reading again, 3 books in a week. Tiny tiny tiny steps. But I even smiled a little bit…….

    That was Xmas and January. It’s now March and I’m beginning to see the wood for the trees. I’m walking my puppy with a smile. I’m enjoying coffee with friends. I’m laughing with my son and I’ve even found the hoover.

    You’re not alone, just be gentle with yourself.


  • Raquel Arredondo

    Sweet girl, I know right now life “sucks” however, i promise you things will get better. They always do. For right now its ok to feel shitty & let your self grieve. Put the “brave face” in a drawer & have a good cry. But, only for a day or two. Then pick yourself up & dust the shitty right off. You can do it. You are young, smart, super talented and your readers LOVE YOU!!!!! Fight on!

  • Jocelyn

    Not crazy about the refashion, but you rock everything you make so you go girl! Thanks for putting yourself out there. The refashions usually just give me a chuckle, but sometimes they make me go hmmmmm. Glad I’m not the only one who has to work hard to be happy…fake it till you make it! Cheers!

  • sasha

    Shame girl, I feel for u. But know no man is worth ur heart break…. I endured the same for many years until I discovered my worth in one man and the way He sees Me and treats me and feels about me is the greatest feeling I’ve ever had. His name is God. When u have a relationship with Him u don’t need a man in ur life.
    Never the less many years down the road I’ve met the man of my life the one God was preparing for me while I was with all the wrong ones. Like u say the one u want to feel is ur special person and visa versa. Please don’t give up, God has given u such talent I love ur blog. Put all u have into ur Special talent, ask God to help u give it all u got and all the rest will fall into place xxx

  • Jill

    Thank you for being courageous enough to share your struggle. My beautiful 17 year old daughter also lives with anxiety and depression and has done so since she was way too young for us to figure out what was going on. While it’s true that people with these illnesses suffer and survive in different ways – I can’t know exactly how you are affected- please know that someone understands. I understand! Thank you for your honesty, and quite simply, thank you for being!

  • Caitlin S

    Thank you for posting this .I have depression, anxiety, and OCD. I started a blog last year, about crafts and cooking, but I felt that I just couldn’t do it anymore. A lot of stuff has been going on in my life, and I haven’t felt motivated to post any happy crafts or fun baked goods, but some day I will. It will get better, it just takes time. Annoying but true. Your fans will wait for you!

  • Libby

    Hi Jillian, I’ve followed along for awhile but have never commented – I just wanted to say that your posts always make my day and I love how accessible you make sewing. I’ve always been an avid second hand shopper but never had the courage to try and refashion things until I saw how easy it was on your blog. I’m so sorry to hear how shitty things have been lately, just know that there are a whole bunch of us here out in Internet world who think you’re fantastic and are rooting for you. Thanks for being so honest and open – you’re changing the world not just in fashion but in mental health – you’re raising awareness even if you might not be consciously doing it. I hope life cuts you a break soon :).

  • Pam

    Jillian, I always love reading your blog and get so inspired by you to refashion my thrifted finds. For me, it started with the black polka dot dress you refashioned….I found a polka dot mess from the 80’s, and intended to turn it into a dress but somehow cut it too short and it became the cutest top instead! You have inspired people all over the country and started a movement! One of the reasons I love reading your blog is because it’s so real… lay it out there GF and that makes your writing interesting and personal…we get a glimpse of the real person in the blog. Also, you take risks with the refashions, go sans makeup, act silly, and then you are always surrounded by friends and find the coolest parties to go to. Thank you for so many fun, silly, real posts…very entertaining!
    I’m sorry about your current sadness, though. Have you seen a doc about this and looked into some meds? Also, possibly therapy? Check with your employer about an employee assistance benefit that they may offer discounted rates for. You are a wonderful person and spread a lot of happiness to so many people and these 2 suggestions are given through care and concern. I love your blog!!

  • Charla Q

    praying for you, dear. I struggle with the same and it sucks. Thank you for sharing your life with us in your blog! You are a very special girl!

  • Jennifer

    I have missed your posts recently. I’m so sorry all the bad stuff seems to have piled up. Thank you for sharing what’s been going on. I hope that things are looking up and please know there are lots of people that you may never meet that think you are perfectly fabulous!

  • Monica

    i think you’re just great. i admire your work here on your blog and frankly, when i’m sad and blue i get a look to your work and i feel better.
    being sad is awful. last week i was there too. just let me give you a big big hug. and let me tell you great days are really coming.
    i would also like to introduce to you a very special lady, called Louise Hay. i think she’s also great. she is inspirational for me too. i think you and her have lots in common, at least me as a fan :))
    i think she’s right when she says that we need to love ourselves. and the rest of it will come. and the depression will go away.
    hearing that you’re great won’t really help you maybe. please trust your little shining star…
    i live in france and i’ve just discovered jacques prévert, it’s poems are so simple and so great.
    hugs and trust and glad i’ve discovered your blog

  • Hannah

    I remember going through eerily similar circumstances a few years back and wanting to shank the next person who chimed “this too shall pass”. I won’t tell you that in case it elicits a similar feeling. This morning though, I read “you’ve survived everything up to this point, chances are you’ll survive this too”. So glad you have nest mates to help you through this time. Prayers and positive vibes for you…

  • Lisa (Vancouver, BC)

    Ok, so here is what we know; You are awesome. We also know that life is a toilet.
    Some days, one simple flush and all the shit disappears.Other days, your toilet backs up and you have no choice but to wade through that shit, do some work and get that toilet flushing again! Generally, this means that there is some shit in your life that you need to face. I have been living with a walking depression like yourself for over 20 years and while I look all smiles on the outside, I am just waiting until I can be done with this garbage and finally have some peace inside. But in the meantime, I will warrior through.

    Right now, my fellow warrior, you need to take a much needed break. Close the lid on your toilet, use a friends and neighbors for awhile! 😉 Go for a walk, scream at the top of your lungs, have a good cry and let yourself feel bad! After that, get creative, send out a call for help online, email all of your contacts and see if anyone knows anyone who will rent you and your awesome dog a place to live! As well as a good deal on a used car! You have a bigger network than you think and through your efforts, have already shown your character to be one of integrity, honesty, intelligence, with wit and humor. In this day and age of fundraising sites where people are ready to help all sorts of strangers, how can we not help someone like you?
    Curl up, close your eyes, little sister and wrap yourself up in the love that is coming your way from all over the world! We can’t let our bright light go out now, can we?!

    Come on Universe, let’s find this girl a home, a car and some love……

  • Erin

    I so love reading your blog posts, because you are REAL. You don’t fake the ‘all is well’ all the time, and it is a breath of fresh air compared to all the cutesy blogs that are out there. I’m sorry that everything bad had to happen all at once, but things will turn out right again. I’m hoping for sooner rather than later for you!!
    So I hope we are sending enough collective good ‘juju’ your way, and things that feel like are falling down around you are really just falling into place.

  • Sarah

    So sorry, Jillian. Life really sucks sometimes. Putting yourself out there is courageous. Talking about depression and anxiety isn’t done enough and I applaud your openness. It looks like you have some good friends to help you through this rough patch. Focusing on the people and things that make you happy is good medicine. Personally, I found yoga to be really helpful – even if you just do a video in your house. Whatever happens, just know you will find your way. We’re all rooting for you.

  • Jodie

    I’ve never commented but wanted to share some good vibes. I love your posts and especially the way you say “whirrrr” when you are making stitches. Your little quips crack me up! And i love how I feel empowered to makeover my whole wardrobe after I see your refashions, even if I am not half as good as you.
    This too shall pass!

  • denise

    I never comment on here but I love reading your blog! I know exactly how you feel, I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for a while now and yes, there are super fan-freaking tastic days and then there are those horrible, wanna just hide from the world days. It seems those bad days overshadow all the good. I know there are better days ahead, there is a light so where at the end of the tunnel. You’ve gone through it befor a,d you will again. It sucks, it hurts, and it seems never ending. Just know you’re not the only one and this too shall pass! Thanks for being a refashioning inspiration! I’m working on loosing about 90 pounds and so looking forward to using all your refashion tips and ideas when I get there!

  • Peggy Sanchez

    Wow, you cannot know how many people you helped today. Like all people with depression, your M.O. (method of operation) was no disguise. So many of us are in the same boat or have been the same boat, or worse, trying to get to the boat.
    So many of us reading your post want to give you a hug or scoop you up and take you away.
    You are not alone and if you are working towards managing your depression that’s half the battle- and make no mistake -it is a battle.
    When you don’t feel like a refashion, I’d be equally interested in your journey.
    You touch so many people in so many ways, I so appreciate your candor more than you can know.
    Having lost a husband, job, and ultimately my house to my own depression, i can hardly believe now that i survived.
    Better still is that it feels like it was another life.
    Please know that despite not knowing you personally, I (like so many of your fans ) feel a kindred spirit with you.
    Keep blogging, there is lots of love out here for you.

  • Connie

    Dear Jill, I see an outpouring of love for you right here. I hope it helps you feel better. I believe you know what to do and you know how to recover. You will be ok. I have been enjoying your blog for quite a while now and wish you success. Count your blessings because they are many.

  • Jen

    Hi Lady,

    I am a newer follower of your blog, because I was looking for ideas about recycling and reducing consumerism for my blog (shameless plug–sorry). I found your blog about two months ago, and I spent a solid Saturday night and well into the next Sunday reading your posts, because I loved it so much! First of all, you are a true inspiration, and you are amazingly talented, and just seem so cool. I love the voice that you use on your blog–you are so genuine, and friendly that I think your readers just feel like they know you. Right away, I was like, “Oh, it’s my new friend Jillian!” I shared your blog with a bunch of people, because I just love the concept of what you are doing (recycling fashion) and it was such a fun read. Plus, you work in the non-profit/development/nebulous social services world (I do too!) and you love your dog (I have pugs!) and you sew (I started teaching a sewing club for 2-4th graders at the school where I am the Development Director!). You have inspired me to start doing refashions and my last trip to the Goodwill was a totally different experience.

    Anyway, I’m writing all this to say that I care. From Wisconsin, and though we’ve never met or anything, this post made me worried and wish that I could help somehow! I too have a very strained familial relationship, and have dealt with anxiety and depression for like, as long as I can remember….I have been there when the Universe answers the “Seriously, what could go wrong next?!?” question in a way that feels even worse, like a crushing weight. It does always get better, but hearing that when things are sh*tty doesn’t really make anything FEEL better in that moment. Hearing that people have it worse off than you also doesn’t help (except then you just feel like things are sh*tty for everyone and you can’t do anything about it).

    The only thing that does help me a little is picking a date on the calendar (like a few months out) and being like, “In June I will have an ‘I survived the last three months’ party.” Like, a milestone to give me something to look forward to, and to give me a marker to know that I will at least make it through until that point, where I can reassess or whatever (or at least have a fun thing to look through the fog to the horizon on).

    I have those exact same graduation gowns at school. I might try something with one! The skirt was very cute! Can’t wait to see how it turns out. Hang in there, kitty. Sending you good vibes and cheering for you from Wisconsin. You WILL find a place to live with your pup. At the very least, I think that will definitely work out. You can do this! <>

  • Janet Balk

    I can totally identify with your comments about depression….you are NOT alone! You ARE fabulous! AND, things WILL get better….this, too, shall pass!
    Massive props to you for sharing your thoughts and feelings!

  • maureen

    You have given happiness to countless people, myself included. I also have anxiety and take medication to control it. You are very brave to share your struggles. Look how many people are there for you. You have so much to offer. Things will get better. You are not alone. You are a bright, bright light and you will prevail.

  • Clyde Robinson

    I’m wishing good things for you. You are one ofthe most creative people I know which means sometimes things aren’t always going to go so good (it just seems to go together for some reason). Have courage, keep the faith and carry on. You will make it lady 🙂

  • Marlene

    Sorry life has handed you a truck load of crap lately. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but this too shall pass.

    I’m another blogger than rarely ever mentions family and sometimes has absences from my blog due to happy, creative busyness, or deep stress and depression.

  • Nancy

    I’m sorry you are going through a big rough patch. I deal with depression and anxiety too. The cartoon you posted reminds me of a website and book Hyperbole and a Half. You may relate to it. I did. The ‘depression’ toons start here
    By the way I love your graduation gown skirt. The big bow on the hip calls to me. 🙂

  • Alissa K

    Lots of folks have already said their encouragement, I hope it helps a bit to know that so many readers are also people who care. Sending my good vibes your way. Also, “lame” or not, I’m digging that skirt and you totally rocked it.

  • Courtney

    Hey lady, I know what’s it’s like to have to try so hard to be happy. I think the best thing to do is go easy on yourself. It’s okay to feel bad. And you’ve got great friends it seems. So just saddle up and ride out the shit show!

  • Lace

    I’m so sorry sweetie 🙁 i struggle with depression and anxiety and know what it’s like when everything….just. Sucks. I commend you for your refashion! When I’m struggling I’ll be lucky to even put on real clothes and be human at all. Keep hangin on…

  • Carolyn P.

    Please remember that this WILL pass. It IS NOT permanent. Please make sure to nourish your soul as best as you can right now. Nourish your body even though it is difficult. Remember to breathe deeply. Get out every day, do not totally isolate yourself. This too will pass, it is not forever. You will come through this tunnel when it is time. Hope will return to you.

  • Sonya

    First off, I love you blog & dog! I have suffered from sever depression for years. I hate it. On the days that I cannot “force” myself to be “happy”, I just veg on the couch with my dog & watch movies. It’s okay to have a pity party everyone once in awhile.
    When I found out last October that my job was being discontinued & my last day will be this June, did I cry about it? You bet! I gave this company 25 yrs of my life & they are kicking me (and about 10 others) to the curb. So, I have decided to change a negative into a positive. I get a really generous severance package & this gives me an opportunity to start a new chapter in my life (goodbye corporate america!).
    Just remember that you have friends that care about you. Even though it’s hard, when you are having a bad day, call one of your friends that can always make you laugh, tell them you are having a bad day and you don’t want to talk about it but that you need them to make you laugh!
    Just remember, that this is your life and you don’t always have to please everyone. Take time for yourself.

  • Lin Shultz

    Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry you are feeling bad. Sometimes words can help and sometimes they are just words but just to let you know, I love your creativity and your finesse in refashioning sad, sad garments into fashion stars. This too shall pass, take it from a 68 yr. who has had some less than positive moments in her life. Love your posts and would love to lift a glass with you. Hang in there babe!

  • Ally

    I’m sorry you are dealing with the bottom dregs right now. I trust that soon you will turn the corner and all the car/home/etc will be a memory. In the meantime, take a bath, get a massage, drink hot chocolate, do whatever you want! I love your refashions and look forward to reading many more. Take Care, Ally.

  • Sher

    Hi, thought I would drop a line and was amazed at all who had. Love your pet. It lives back and when your ready we will see you again

  • Deb

    You are amazing. I know it does not feel like it at the moment. You have a lot of support, whether you realize it or not. I look forward to your blog – you bring joy. Thank you for being you, no matter what the circumstances in your life at the moment, you are an amazing and beautiful being. Thank you for sharing your creativity and your life. You are courageous and wonderful.

  • Joy B.

    Depression, anxiety, effn don’t want to sew? Yep, been there, still there, sometimes. Maybe we were separated at birth? 😉 I’m sorry you are going through all this. It sucks. Hope it gets better soon. I loved your creative “graduate” skirt, btw. 🙂

  • sagegrayson

    I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time. I’m sending tons of positive vibes your way. You’re a wonderful person, and you deserve happiness and fun in your life. 🙂

  • K H Black

    I am sorry to hear what has come down on you. As the saying goes…when it rains it pours….kinda like the weather this year. We don’t dig our way out of one storm until another one hits. I too suffer with depression. I know, that you know, it almost buries us, but then we rise for yet another fight. I’m glad you shared. I do not remember how I found your blog, but I remember going all the way back to your beginning. I wondered if something much bigger than this, latest sadness, has happened to you in the past? I know when I am buried in my depression, I feel that I am the only person with a problem. I already knew I was not, but reading the comments, proves there are many of your followers in the boat with you. I am a great listener but I do not give advice. Best thought to you.

  • Sue Wermie

    So sorry that you are going through this difficult time! You don’t deserve it. You are such a positive upbeat part of my life. I enjoy your posts tremendously. I wish I could give you a hug. Things WILL get better…I know they will

  • allison

    I absolutely love your blog and you truly are an inspiration to creative individuals everywhere. As clichè as it is, I genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason (as I too endured some pretty awful years including a scumbag bf, a world of addiction, leaving jobs because of a new and evil boss, having to move back home after said scumbag took every penny from me, totaling my car, etc.). But as things turn around for you, it will be clear why the crappy stuff had to happen. Just know in the meantime, how much joy you bring to your followers! There have been plenty of times where I’ve isolated in my bed for fear of contact with the outside world, and your blog was the only thing that kept me from losing all passion and motivation. Hang in there! Good things are coming your way 🙂

  • Jayne

    You inspire me with every post. I’m so sorry life is being a dick. I think you’re brave. You seriously made me laugh and cry with this post. You’re the only blog I follow and I always look forward to your posts, because you keep it real. I hope everyone shows you lots of love during this shitstorm, and that you remember you’re loved by even strangers, and that you’re still inspiring in your temporary lows. xo

  • Jennifer

    I’ve never posted before either. YOU are the reason I got so interested in refashioning. It takes guts to admit to suffering from depression. I’ve dealt with it most of my life as well and I know it wears you out being “up” all the time and just getting through the daily routine. I admire your strength, persistence and talent. There are a lot of us cheering you on and hoping that spring will help ease the pain. You’re in my prayers.

  • Angela

    Sending you light and love in this tough time! Like many have said your blog is the only one i truly follow AND i don’t even sew. I am inspired by your creativity.

  • Agatha L.

    I’m very sorry that you are going through rough times. Please know that we care, you are a wonderful creative person and I’m pretty sure you have people who really love you and always pray for the best.

  • Lauren

    Oh my gosh! I’m so so sorry to hear it. Have another glass of wine girl. I’ve been there! Things always seem to get worse before they get better BUT they DO GET BETTER!!! Chin up honey! I’m thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way. xoxo <3

  • Angie Gentley

    I love the nest!! Sending hugs your way! I’ve been there, feeling completely insignificant to someone I thought was my whole world. Worse yet, my sweet 4 year old held me as I was sobbing, telling me it was going to be alright. I was supposed to be doing that for her! Yes, it all gets better, you’ll see. One moment at a time, ok? Magnesium spray and vitamin B2 should help you feel more like the self you are when you’re happy – spray it on the bottom of your feet for best adsorption into your body. Also, what scent makes you happy? Go to your local co-op, get a roll-on applicator and an essential oil that makes you happy, dilute a few drops into a liquid carrier oil, and roll on your happiness.

  • Nancy

    I hope this pain soon passes for you. You are in my prayers and many others that I can see care for you also. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself as my sister says to me “this too shall pass” and it does….hugs.

  • Megan r

    Sending you all the good vibes I can manage! We’re in similar emotional places right now, so I feel your pain. Let yourself feel those emotions without allowing them to overwhelm you (good advice, but hard to follow through, I know). You’ve got this!

  • Julie Adams

    So sorry for all the bummer stuff you’re going through. I think you’re really special and hope you feel better soon. In the meantime, be good to yourself. Retreat to your nest when necessary. I’m rooting for you.. Namaste’

  • Tara

    Things are going to get better. You are a good person 🙂
    A lot of us know the depression highs and lows… the trying to get through the day being positive… when what you really want to do is break stuff. And scream and cry… then break more stuff. Then you do break stuff. Then get angry for breaking the stuff.
    Bad things happen in 3’s… let’s hope that things start looking up.

  • Queen Sylvia

    Hey Jillian.
    I wish I would go without the ‘I really know how you feel’ crap but my explanation wouldn’t be complete. Back in 2011, I was with a guy who I loved more than anyone else, I was about to graduate university and move back to my hometown to live with him in a house we both reconstructed to feel happy and create a family into. Then shit started to blow in my face: he broke up with me two months after he proposed to live together saying he didn’t feel about me like he used to do and wanted out; it was 2 weeks before my university graduation prom. I went on that event with my eyes swollen with nonstop crying, with a dress I lent from my aunt in the last moment because I didn’t feel like getting out of bed and existing whatsoever. Then a month after that, I got through my finals and graduated, and they kicked me out of dorm right away, and I wound up homeless in the capital city of my country where rentals’ prices hit the skies. So I was forced to move back to my hometown to live with my parents and remained unemployed for the next half an year. Oh, and all my friends were in the capital, and I was in the countryside, alone and sore.
    Needless to say, I felt like shit. And I suffered through the pangs of such a mighty depression that I don’t even want to remember those times. But then I found a job, a good job with a good salary, and I met the most incredible man I didn’t even imagine existed – he was my coworker, he still is but now he’s the Man who’s always by my side. I’m back in touch with some of my old childhood and highschool friends, and made a ton of new ones. Me and the Man used to live in a rental but two years ago we bought our own place, we bought a car and everything. There are miserable times, yes, but the good stuff outweigh the bad by large and far.

    I’m sending my good thoughts and energy your way, and as a proper follower may I state that you are soon to have (or recently had) a birthday, young lady, so buck up! 🙂 I’m certainly hoping that you’ll get a great deal of happy for your special day.

    Many hugs, Sylvia

  • Jayne

    Hi Jillian. I love your blog for lots of reasons . Your wit, the clothes and because you are real. Sorry to hear that life is so tough. Anxiety and depression are tough . I wish you lots of support and know that you are an inspiration to many. X

  • Sarah munley

    It may or may not help you to know that this blog is helping me get through the same thing. It’s actually been three years (!!!!) since I’ve dated someone because, sorry, but having the person you love most in the world tell you they don’t love you anymore can really wreck people that are those creative types. But sewing things, fixing things that were once discarded, is therapeutic. And that’s great for someone that can’t afford therapy 🙂
    I really hope you take care of yourself. This site means a lot to people, it really does. And I hope that means a lot to you.

  • Sonja Doyle

    I’m so glad that you mentioned that you suffer from Anxiety & Depression. I feel there is comfort in knowing I’m not the only one.

    I feel people with depression and anxiety FEELS life and life events so deeply. Which can be good and bad. I hope you take time to let yourself heal, pamper yourself, eat comfort foods. You deserve it.

    I love how you went out with friends, and made an attempt to get out there. You are doing the right things.


    Sonja Doyle

  • Tamara

    I know exactly how you’ve been feeling. I’m sorry you had to go through that crap. I suffer from depression as well. I hope things straighten out for you and you find the true love of your life, The best place to live, continue loving your new job, and remain a great re-fashionista!!

  • Bex

    I read a fair few blogs, and out of all of them you are one of the few bloggers who I will notice when you don’t post for a while. And not in a annoyed way, just in a “I haven’t noticed a post for a while, I hope she’s ok” way. You come across as a genuinely lovely person which is why I like your blog.

    I hope things get better and you find a rental and you get your car fixed. If you don’t feel like blogging whilst you sort it all out, then don’t. Just promise us all that you won’t vanish forever!

    Sending massive good luck vibes your way xx

  • Lisa

    Thank you for having the courage to post the down as well as the up. I will add my voice to the “It will get better” chorus and send the wish that everyone has their own nest maker. And to add that this re-fashion is a public service, there are millions of grad gowns out there.

  • Lauren

    Wow that is quite the week…. I don’t even think I could handle 2 of those calamities let alone all of them! Hang in there lady. Know that all of us random internet strangers are rooting for you and sending you our love and light! Hugs and no worries about blogging or refashioning. We will be waiting for whenever you feel ready! <3 <3

  • briggss50Geri

    Thank you for your honesty 🙂 I am glad that you shared your struggles. And I hope your friends surround you will love and laughter to see you through this trying time. And always remember Eeyore was sad all the time too but his friends still wanted him to be with him because they loved him 🙂

  • Beth

    Hey, well done for sharing. What a shitty few weeks! Life is so frustrating and crappy sometimes isn’t it!? You are awesome and so many people like and care about you, so look after yourself, keep going, and things will resolve themselves Xxx

  • Nathalie

    Ma belle, j ai souffert de dépression et je sais qu on a le droit de ne pas être bien sans raison et sans s excuser !!! Tu es merveilleuse, et tu as eu le courage de nous en parler !!!! Je t admire beaucoup pour ça. Si tu as besoin, laisse couler tes larmes, ça enlève le ” mauvais ” qui ne doit pas rester en toi.
    J adore tes ” refashonista “, ton imagination est impressionnante !!! Prends du temps pour toi, seule ou avec ton chéri ou tes amis, et reviens-nous, please, je suis impatiente de voir ce que tu vas faire de cette “chose ” bleue !!!!! Je t embrasse bien fort et te fais un gros Hug !!!!! Nathalie.

  • dawn burcham

    Jillian, I’ve followed your posts for a few years now and would have never imagined your struggle. I am truly sorry. It’s brave to be so open and honest. Wishing you happiness and hope you find someone who is worthy of you and loves you for all you are. I enjoy seeing your creations, you awe me with your amazing talent. . Dawn Burcham

  • Judy

    Jill, you are so awesome! I look forward to your blog and sharing it with my daughter (who reminds me of you).We have even bought our first three outfits to “refashion.” Life will get better and you mean so much to so many. We all have stuff-I could write a few thousand pages about my stuff. BUT you will get through it and you will be a better person for it! Thanks for sharing and my prayers are with you.

  • [email protected]

    Hey, I forgot to say, I loved this refashion. The skirt is a perfect elegant length and a lovely color. Wondering if in person, anyone can tell that your skirt is actually another type of garment. That would be fun–to interview people–on what they think. Anyway, I love it and let me know where I can send my $5+ for your new-to-you car.

  • Anita

    Chin up !!!! You have been through quite the ordeals but just when things seem the darkest there comes ray of sunshine. I have been in that situation where it seems like EVERYTHING has turned to sh*t but all of a sudden something great happens ( an awesome guy, a great find on a rental, or a big wet lick on the face from your dog) and it warms your heart and you really start to believe that all is going to be good !

  • Esmeralda

    Depression and anxiety are vey hard issues to deal with. No advice. Just know that I and many others hate to hear you are feeling low. One thing I do know is that things will get better! You were pretty brave to wear the graduation gown as a skirt, and it looked fine!

  • Tammy k

    It WILL get better. Won’t go into a lot of my own personal shizz, but, you are not alone with what you are dealing with. Do you not realize what a Rock Star you are? Seriously woman! You are effing amazing!! You have more shine and talent in one little finger than most people have in their whole hand. Take things one day at a time– and if that seems like too much, then take them 1/2 a day at a time. Focus on the new job and what great possibilities are ahead for you. Get out for walks with your baby boy Douglas. Get out with friends when you can. And don’t be afraid to ask for help if/when you need it.

  • Kay

    Oh Jillian my heart hurts for you. You always bring such an unexpected moment of joy to my day. I pray you will find joyful moments for yourself. (Virtual hug)

  • [email protected]

    Thanks for sharing. I go up and down all the time. Only the degree of ups and downs is different. I love your posts & cannot wait for the next one. I was thinking you could count your followers & divide by half. I think at least half of us would donate/pay/contribute at least $5 to get you a decent car. We’ve been benefitting from reading your posts. Hit us up girl! Provide a link to a donation site. At least we could get a down payment together– so you could go back to house hunting. Also, buy a car from a private party that your mechanic/mechanic friend has looked over to save bucks.

    • ReFashionista

      You are incredibly sweet. Fortunately, I do have enough saved up/good credit to get a car to replace my old one. But that’s very nice of you to say.

      • Arlette

        Not to be a bully, but I think you should reconsider. I realize you’re probably uncomfortable soliciting donations from your followers… but think about it. Remember how your friends told you that you do your best work outside of work? I think that totally applies to your blog here. I am sure that running this blog (and doing all the refashions thereof) is enough to be a part-time job all by itself. You’re supplying wonderful, creative content that people obviously love to read, and you don’t get paid a cent for it. But it’s not wrong to profit off of it. You’re an artist! You make such fabulous work! And you’re also a friend to thousands around the world.

        I don’t want you to feel I’m pressuring you into something you’re not comfortable with. But if you’re holding back just because you feel it’s wrong to profit off your blog… well, I don’t think you should. We want you to be happy and healthy. We want your precious fur baby to be happy too. *I* want you to be able to buy a house. You’re a lovely creative spirit – I want you to own your own house and be free to do whatever you want to it and decorate and paint and everything, rather than stuck in a lease in a building you don’t have so much control over.

        I am sorry for this sleepy ramble; daylight savings has me all messed up!
        I wish you all the best. Be sad for as long as you need. It’s all part of the healing process.

      • Minette

        Make the opportunity available for us to bless you in return for the blessing you have been to us…

    • Ree Cee

      My thoughts exactly! I was reading all the posts to see if anyone had set up a fund of some kind!

      Maybe in this case our positive thoughts, prayers and messages are more helpful?!

  • cljhansen

    Jillian, Thank you for your blog, I have been a faithful follower for years. Thank you for your honest and brave post. I understand. I have been there. You are a beautiful and creative person who has inspired me to look around and to be open to the Possible. Sure, that started with your fun refashioning of clothing, but I now catch myself thinking, “how can I give this (thing) new life?” I am more resourceful and less wasteful and I contribute it to your example. You are loved, you are valued and you have made a difference in my life. Cheryl

  • Linda Kimura

    I enjoy your blog so much. I think you are pretty amazing – creative and talented.

    I don’t usually comment but I want to tell you I am praying for you. I care about you.

    I have a daughter who has also struggled with depression her entire life. Watching her struggles has been the hardest thing to do as a parent.

    My heart breaks for you.

  • kwshook77Tina

    I love your blog!! I wish I knew you personally! You inspire me and make me smile, I would love to return what you have given so many times. You are creative, inspirational, strong, witty, a great friend (your friends prove that on your posts)and an over all great person. I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now!! Just know you have impacted many in a positive way and positive vibes are all around you right now. Thank you for sharing, I know you have helped many (including me) with your blog today. Many good vibes, blessings and hugs sent your way.

  • Nic

    You have lots of readers who care about you.

    Also, this blog is hilarious, and never fails to reduce me to hysterical, crying laughter that is good for your soul: She also suffers from depression and talks about it. The one titled Dog is my favorite. I know it’s not a solution, but hope it brings a smile to your face as your posts do for all of us.

  • Lee

    I kept checking your blog, you’ve been such an inspiration! Sorry to hear it’s a rough time right now. Depression+stress+crappy life events=misery. Been there. Got a loved one with depression/anxiety as well. Thank you for being brave and forthright and sharing with us.
    Leonard Cohen said “the cracks are where the light gets in”. Hugs, hugs hugs.

  • gnomentum

    *Brings Blankets*
    *Builds Nest*
    *Crawls in with you because life is shitty here too*

    Hope things feel less shitty soon, and thankyou for both a refashion which proves even minimal effort can look good AND for sharing.

  • Katie

    Hi, my 19 year old daughter showed me that cartoon the other day. She suffers from depression and anxiety too. As a Mum I just want to fix it, but I know it doesn’t work that way so we keep stumbling along together. I am trying to help her with coping tactics for the bad days, and we’ve had a few. Each time someone shares I find it helps me understand her a little more. Thank you for sharing, I love your blog and I hope things start looking up soon.

  • Julie C.

    I’ve been thinking about you a lot and waiting for a post. hang in there. I’m sorry it’s so shitty right now. Who else can tie a hideous graduation gown around half their body and look like you belong on a runway? You make a difference in my life and have reminded me today that even though I, too, am in a shitty place, I can still stride to be creative. Sometimes it helps.

  • Pamela

    When you “put it out to the universe” the right people hear and good things and the right help come along! Wishing you well, I miss the “happy you”! Take care of that puppy, because they always make you happy! Sending positive vibes!

  • Susan simmonds

    Jillian, I am so sorry for the pain you are in. I think your refashion post and having drinks out with your friends shows great strength, I know it was really hard. Depression is such a terrible Demon….. I hope you and Douglas find your new home soon. Sending you a big hug, Susan

  • Lyn

    When your mood disorder stops being a pain in the ass roommate and your mental health is doing good things for you, I’d support you on Patreon. You are so talented and we love this blog, which means we support you. It’s not unreasonable for us to financially assist your creativity and talent too. Maybe our support can normalize your fiscal life which will lessen those burdens for you. Until then, sincere and loving hugs from Colorado.

  • Anna

    You have lots of strength to come out and talk about your anxiety, not easy to do. Thanks for being an inspiration to us! I have some refashion projects calling my name and this post has spurred me into action. 🙂

  • The Merida Review

    I don’t know if this would work in your area, but I put an ad in the paper once when I couldn’t find a house to rent, described my situation (kids, dog) and what I was looking for, multiple people contacted me (well, two), and I found a place that way. Good luck!

  • denise

    I’m so sorry you are sad. You are not alone. Breaking up sucks!! I have abandonment issues so breaking up seems like the end of the world for me. You are a beautiful, smart and strong woman. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will be dancing again!!

  • Fawn Mulcahy

    The internet can be a pretty mean place. I think you are super brave to share your wounds with your readers. I hope it helps to know that you have legions of Refashionista readers with an ear to listen (or an eye to read with!), shoulder to lean on and a head to nod knowingly. Be gentle with yourself.

  • Tanya

    Thank you for sharing your life with us and being real. I am right there with you, right now sister. Good vibes sent your way.
    p.s. the nest thing- yes.

  • Jen

    Thank you for sharing. That you’re going through all this (and I sincerely hope it sorts itself out really soon) and you found the motivation to a) do something productive and b) share it and your honest feelings with us, I find really inspiring. You have inspired me to take up refashioning and you inspire me to keep going in positive and creative acts even when things are bad – thank you.

  • Sydney

    Hey, FWIW, there are a lot of us crawling in that nest with you, to give you an encouraging hug. I recognize those black-cloud seasons you are speaking of; but please know that there are thousands of us out here whose lives you touch with sunshine, creativity, humor, and hope! The good thing about seasons is, they are just seasons . . . They eventually shift into something else. So keep on doing what you are doing (refashionista), because it blesses and encourages countless ones of us!!!!!!! Here’s a thimble-full of love (or a wheelbarrow-full if you need it) to help you weather the storms of Life and get you to the next season of It!! “Keep on keepin’ on”!

  • Phedra

    I have been there so many times in my 56 years that sometimes I look up and go, “what gives?!?” A gorgeous co-worker told me back in the late 80’s – and I’ll never forget it, “you’re like a cat, you always end up on your feet.” Since then I’ve said that to myself so many times that I discovered something. When it feels like it’s as bad as it could possibly be – I experience a miracle! I’m so tuned into it now that I can look over the issue and say, “ok miracle, it’s show time!”, and then something breaks free. Just as there are valleys there are also peeks so get ready for that shift toward the good… it’s on its way. Sending good energy to you always 🙂

  • Sharon

    Thinking of you and sending good vibes. Life is a journey – sometimes you think that you are going to drown in all the crap but more often than not it doesn’t happen – it’s just the universe leading you down a different path. I know that you are surrounded by friends – they can’t always make it right but they’ll cry along with you xxxx

  • Linda

    So sorry your going thru this dark patch. Love your blog and you always make me smile. Prayers for healing, peace and joy.

  • beatriz

    I can list every silver lining, another door opens, things happen for a reason cliche here, but i won’t. Make it your time to shine! (Ok maybe just one) You’ve got this awesome blog and tons of followers who wish you nothing but the best and are rooting for you. I’m sending all the positive vibes I’ve got your way. Hang in there.

  • laurpudLaurinda

    {{HUGS}} I know how hard it is to find a rental with dogs, but keep at it, you’ll find something. Maybe look into a house on a bus line, so you don’t need a car… Sorry, I like to try to find solutions for people

    • Kate

      I wish the bus system in Columbia was even halfway decent, but it’s pretty much impossible to live there without a car. Even if both your apartment and your job are downtown, if you’re not right at Five Points you’re still walking a couple miles to the grocery store and the drug store, and it’s exceedingly unlikely that your doctor, dentist, vet, haircut place, etc are all downtown or on a bus line. And if your job isn’t downtown, it’s almost certainly in an office park or shopping center surrounded by busy roads with no pedestrian access and the nearest houses are miles away in enormous residential neighborhoods surrounded by their own busy roads. It would take a lot of buses to connect all that sprawl, and Columbia barely even tries. (And it’s not just Columbia — almost every American city is like this, regardless of size.)

  • Leslie

    As a fellow blogger, I totally can empathize with this post. I am so grateful for your putting what is going on in your life, and salute you for your honesty. I have followed your blog for a long time, and this one is my favorite. Depression and anxiety are big challenges that people think you can just get over. As an RN and as a person who has the same challenges,I get how we can be our own worst enemies in coping when crap happens. You probably refashion as an outlet, and sometimes, when things are the worst, we don’t have the energy for our outlet. Then we beat ourselves up for not doing what we love. Your talent and spirit are inspiring. Find what gives you peace every day, thake it one day at a time, and take care of yourself. The rest will come. Thank you for sharing!

  • Beth

    Jillian, you are such a Champ for sharing! I am 60 years old and have been battling depression as long as I can remember. As of today, I am still winning! 🙂 It is always a challenge. and I think maybe it has made me stronger, more compassionate and understanding. I wish I could give you a great big hug. All the comments here are so right on. Give yourself permission to be depressed, nest, get it all out. But put a time limit on it. When the time is up, Go Get ‘Em! I live in Columbia SC as well, in the St. Andrews/Irmo area. I wish you much success in finding a new place that is pet friendly! Use those who follow you in the area to get ideas for properties to rent!

    “On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good.”

  • julieinthegarden

    Do you believe in serendipity? I found your page on Stumble and signed up. This is the first entry delivered to my email, and I have an idea that could really help you cope with some of the stuff that is making your life suck. I’m thinking fate sent me to rescue you. You can dismiss the idea out of hand, or you can say, “What the f**ck” and give it a try. I’m not going to go into why it will work, because if that interests you, you can research it yourself. I’m just going to point you in the right direction, because in this complex world there are so many wrong directions that if you don’t get that little bit of luck, you could go on looking forever and never stumble into what you need. Give it a month. If you feel better, give it two. Do it because it feels right. Keep doing it because it feels great. Are you ready to feel better? (Scroll down a little. I was trying to build suspense here.)

    Go vegan.

  • laura

    (((((Hugs!!))))) Life sure can suck. It’s more than ok to be pissed about all the crap. I’m so glad you have great friends to reach out to!! Friends rock. Hang in there, it’s gonna get better soon. Thanks for sharing…it takes courage to put the realness out there. I suspect you will reach more than a few people who are also struggling and it will bless them to know they aren’t alone. I’m always amazed at your ability to see past the yuck of a dress and see its future beauty and I think that ability will see you through this rough patch. Sending good thoughts your way!!

  • Claudia

    Hey Jillian,

    Wow, what a heartfelt post. In some strange way, this makes me care about you much more because you have struggles. Sorry if this seems callous but that is how I feel. My take on life is a very clichéd “Things happen for a reason”, if only to make you grow and evolve. When I feel bad, I try to look at people who are less fortunate than I am, and there are plenty, and that usually makes me appreciate what is going right in my life, if only that I have all my body parts and I am relatively healthy and pain-free. That being said, you do need to wollow a bit and get it out of your system so you can pick up and continue to bulldoze through life. Get some good food, good music, good drink (but not too much wine though, as it can have opposite effects) and write what you are feeling. You can even do symbol-fire-destroying things you don’t want in your life anymore. And then, manifest what you want to happen to you. And gratitude works girl ! I know you will be better because you are a strong and dedicated woman. Big hugs !!!
    And when you are ready, go have a look at this tumblr:

    Peace !


  • Julie Petroski

    Thank you for sharing. I haven’t written my blog for months because I have had a mixture of very happy and very sad topped with work craziness. It’s not a great mixture for me–or for posting. Perhaps I should follow your example and just get back to it. Thank you.

  • kittyuptree

    Don’t ever feel bad about feeling bad. Especially when so much suckage has been heaped upon you all at once! You are dealing with, like, three of the top ten stressors all at once – wallow in it! Or if you don’t like the word “wallow” (it does sound rather undignified, doesn’t it?), face it, embrace it, and deface it! With poo! It’s great that you have wonderful friends to reach out to when you feel like it, but don’t be ashamed to curl up with your sweet puppy and do nothing for as long as you can stand it.

  • Shirley Dafoe

    Wow. I too have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life. And, apparently, as I have found out recently, ADD. I have had times when I have spent most of my energy making people believe that I am just fine. Cheerful is my middle name. I just make sure there is always one safe person that I can tell “I am in trouble here” that won’t judge me, tell me to just get over it, but will force me to get help. At the time it just seems so hopeless. How brave of you to post this.
    I love your refashioned pieces and your pictures of you wearing them with a glass of wine with friends. I have wished that I could have that kind of circle of friends.
    You combine my love of thrift shopping and sewing. Post when you can and know that you have many that love you and respect you even more for your struggles.
    From another sewer and survivor.

  • Tracy

    No words of advice to share, just letting you know I’m proud of you for being so brave and open and honest. I look forward to your emails in my inbox and today was no different. I hope the dark cloud passes soon. You bring joy and happiness to others you don’t even know. Sending you love and hugs.

  • Kesha Hollar

    Girl I so feel for ya, and I’m right there with you. Last week was pure hell for me. My kids were sick, both of my vehicles broke down, I’ve used up most of my yearly vacation time at work due to sickness and weather, my cat died and my husband left me in the middle of it all because he couldn’t handle dealing with it all. So I’ve been left with a 16 year old, a 1 year old (both girls) and without being able to see my 9 year old stepdaughter who I adore like my own, no real good vacation time left and one vehicle broke down and the other needing work still. And, like you, I try my best to be happy and stay positive but have dealt with depression and anxiety and the stress is beyond normal limits right now. But, I just want to say I admire you for still refashioning and trying to have fun. You inspire me!!! And this grad gown tie up is great!!! Keep on keeping on and I hope things get better for you.

  • Kathrine Gluvna

    I’m sorry your life sucks right now. I understand how horrible you feel. Go make yourself a nest. There are many of us who fight with depression. Some days we win. Some days are a draw. Much love to you.

  • Mom

    “Well…at least you can drink wine! I gave that up for lent. Just trying to put a positive spin on it.”
    ‘You know what I’m going up for Lent? Putting on a positive spin on things when things are just plain shitty.’

    Wow, you’re a jerk. If I were your coworker that’d be the last time I ask you about your personal life lest I get my head bitten off again for showing some human empathy.

    • Donna Rosenbery

      Spoken from someone who has not had a friend affected by anxiety or depression. Thats a kind response from someone who is affected by both conditions. Mom, you might want to evaluate your ‘judgy’ tones on the internet.
      Dr, Rosenbery, Ph.D

    • Hani

      Yeah Mom, your the jerk. Are you so freaking dense this is the only thing you can come up with to comment on!? I bet your a narcissist to boot. Shame on you, I feel sorry for any kids you have, as they are going to need years of therapy from having been raised by a brick.(you)

      • Hani

        Ps. There’s nothing wrong with therapy or needing it, it’s a wonderful resource. Being complicated and fully emotive are one of the best traits we have. We are not robots. Crappy narcissistic moms who constantly criticize with snarky backhanded comments are who I really feel sorry for.

  • Tracey

    Sorry you’re going through a sucky patch. But you are awesome and so fortunate to have amazing friends around you, so don’t forget that. Thanks for sharing the good, bad and ugly with us. I appreciate the honesty and bravery.

  • PAgifts

    I hope this vent gave you some release. It’s very hard to experience such devastation all at one, but even harder to share with others. Especially when we see such life and joy in your posts. Now it’s time to create! I know you may not feel like it, but continue to take baby steps back into your passion for fashion (cheesy; I know). But seriously, ease back into it (ie, wrapping a graduation gown around your waist). I know when I’m working on a project, it takes my mind away from the stressful things in life. Put on some good music and embrace all the positives that remain. Please know that it will ALL get better. And remember EXTREME PRESSURE produces Diamonds!!! Get ready for your life to shine!

  • Jeanna Hanna

    I am so happy you shared this with us….I am so sad you are going through this or maybe I should say continuing to go through this struggle as I hear you when you say, it has been a “lifelong” struggle…..I pray you find the help, support, love, joy, purpose and meaning that you have longed for….Please know this, I look forward to seeing all of your posts…what an incredibly talented lady you are!!! The other day I was surfing Pinterest and came across a board that said “This girl is REALLY amazing”…it was YOU!!! and I thought, yeah, I know her and she IS amazing….and others had commented about how amazing your designs were….you are touching lives with your refashion’s and with your story….Peace, Love, and Happiness are being sent your way……and the perfect house for you and little man <3 . P.S…..please don't go into hiding, we LOVE your smile, forced or otherwise <3

    Jeanna Hanna

  • Shannon Menninger

    You are an amazing woman. What you do touched so many people. It’s ok to deal with depression and anxiety, many of us do, too. Thank you for sharing. And seriously, no one else on earth could rock that graduation gown skirt like you!

  • April Judd

    im not going to tell you I understand what you’re going through, because I don’t. And I’m not going to tell you that it gets better, because that’s not going to help you right now. I do know what it’s like to suffer with lifelong, random, effed up depression, and I am really sorry you are going through this right now. I know you don’t know me, but if you ever need a stranger to talk to (haha!), please look me up- you have a lot of people who care:)

  • jeni

    1- understand.
    3- hope you feel better soon.
    4-Honestly am very inspired by the work you do, and hope you realize that you are having an impact on a lot of people, and that you really matter.

    Thank you for your honesty. That takes real courage, and it’s so important.

  • JJ

    It may be extremely difficult to fathom, but just put yourself in another state of mind. Picture yourself in a happy place. Just try it. When shit happens, the negative takes over and snowballs from there. Don’t let it. Have hope in yourself. You’re above ground & that’s what matters. It could be worse-all can be solved. Cling to those positive people in your life and put more effort into what you love to do. You have SO MUCH TALENT! Good luck!

  • Julie

    Hi I am Julie. Although much older, married, etc….I can relate. You have a style of writing that is very true and kind to yourself and the reader. I appreciate your honesty. We are human and it feels good (although I don’t wish depression on anyone) that I am not alone either! You are managing quite well for all the crap that has happened. Ha! Facebook is like this too….some share all the good giving false life fronts when things are really crappy. So, anyway, I am sorry you had these things happen, and wish you the best in going forward even at a pace of baby steps! I will continue to follow your fascinating blog because you have great talent! I sew and recycle clothes too, but not like you! One day at a time…try making a gratitude list…that helps me when I am down.

  • Tricia

    I so understand. I struggle with those same things, and it’s so frustrating. Hang in there, things will look up again. It’s okay to be sad for a while though, that’s why there’s wine and Netflix! 🙂 You seem like you have a great group of friends around you.

  • Mary Locke

    I love your “realness”. I’m sorry for your pain. Having a chronic illness myself, I understand that up and down pattern and that sometimes the ability to do the most mundane of tasks just leaves me. Nurture yourself, let your friends nurture you, and say lots of prayers, no matter to God, to the Universe,or to the Great Pumpkin.

  • Irene Anderson

    I have just found your blog and I love it.. Your ideas on refashioing clothing are a joy to see so I appreciate everyone whether regular or not. Wishing good things for you.

  • Sue Wermie

    So sorry that you are going through this difficult time! You don’t deserve it. You are such a positive upbeat part of my life. I enjoy your posts tremendously. I wish I could give you a hug. Things WILL get better…I know they will

  • Tina

    Most real post ever. Now try to hang in there. Enjoy your friends and don’t give up. At some point it will get better. Not sure when or how. But I can relate to your post and understand.

  • Betty Schuler-Weingarten

    So sorry to hear all the downers in your life. The good thing? They are all fixable! Stay focused on the positive, and take it day by day. (You are building character!). Here is a sign from my sewing room, that I bet you can relate to…..Yard by yard, life is hard. Inch by inch, life’s a cinch! Love your blogs! We are all rooting for you!

  • kelly

    Depression sucks 🙁 but you don’t hun, you are an amazingly talented person who inspires me every time I read your blog. The world will forgive your down days simply because you put so much into your good ones. Curl up in a ball pig out on junk food and then come out fighting, I need you xxxx

  • Karin

    Please remember to be kind to yourself. Sadness and depression can be so debilitating, it is so hard to wait it out. You may not be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel because it is just around the corner. Go somewhere and watch the horizon, literally. I read somewhere it helps your seratonin levels. Sending you healing and happy vibes 🙂

  • Daft Cow

    Today you touched a person.

    I’m half a world away from you, but looking at your blog and reading about what you go through, helps me. I don’t know you, I’m not going to tell you it’ll be alright. I don’t all your troubles and you don’t know mine. But whenever I see that you’ve posted a new refashion, I always smile. A little thing. But a smile in a sad place is like a candle in a dark room.

  • bsweetkatie

    I’m sorry that life really sucks sometimes. Anyway, I love that you can figure out just the right way to retie things: if I tried that it would look a hot, wonky mess! And believe me, I’ve tried. I love seeing how you refashion things, because I usually try to guess what you’re going to do with it, and it’s almost always in a different direction than I would’ve taken it. It’s so cool to see how different people’s brains work given the same material!

  • Kristina

    It’s pretty brave and pretty awesome of you to share the unglamorous parts of your life like this. And it shows you’ve dealt with anxiety and depression long enough and well enough to have a good sense of perspective on it, and to hold tight for the upswing while you work toward improving what you can. Like going out with friends even when you don’t feel like being good company. I will think of you the next time I am righteously bummed, and I might feel a little better. Thanks, and hang in!

  • Betty

    I’m a member of the depression & anxiety club, too. Thinking of you today and wishing you well. Try to remember that life isn’t a race and strive for one foot in front of the other for as long as it takes. Hang on, lady. Amazing times are ahead!

  • Lou Salome

    I’m very sorry for your pain right now but just wanted to let you know that this is actually one of my more favorite (‘more favorite’?) refashionings. I love the kobalt blue with the neutrals: the (reddish?) brown platform sandals and the striped shirt. I also like the length and the draping of the sleeves you used to tie this thing around you. The material kind of works. I hope you make this into a permanent outfit – perhaps you could still sew it up in places to make it formally a mid length skirt. In any case, be proud of your capacity for love and more power to you.

  • Terri

    I have a PS to my previous comment: I know you are a red wine drinker. If you are not already, drink only Pinot Noir. The ingredients in other reds (Merlot & Cab, especially) are likely agitating your depression more. Pinot Noir is a better choice.
    (As I said, years of experience.)

    • alcessa

      Apart from sending big hugs and warm thoughts to Jillian, I would also agree with you: it seems to me alcohol is generally bad for the mood, the ways of reacting to live (angst) and also for the body. I’d say sport is by far a better friend and supporter to most of us, especially when things are tough and need dealing with.

  • Hillary Greene

    You’ve been such an inspiration to me, however lame that sounds. Seriously, like I was so blahhh every day taking my prozac thinking geeze I need a freaking hobby, I need a life and then I came across your blog and was like wow! THIS girl has a life! Look at this life she’s created for herself! She’s taken the opportunity and run with it, shes really made something of herself, made a name for herself. Shes not just one of these rando people you see every day that hides in the shadows. No matter what her past is, or her present is, shes still out there bettering herself and taking life by the horns (isnt that Ram’s slogan or something?) Anyways. You’re extraordinary and I dont even know you but I’m proud of you (in a non creepy weirdo way) because I know so many people who are having a hard time and have shitty parts of their lives and choose to let it define them and just be down and lame and sad and unsuccessful because of it. You don’t do that. You’re awesome. Keep being awesome even when the world is being lame!

  • Mary

    I was wondering what happened to you. Sorry you have had such challenging times. Another platitude: You have no where to go but up. Hang in there! It will get better. Apparently God thinks you are a very strong person!

  • Loretta

    YESSSSS! Vitamin D3 with K. Good for your heart (stops palpitations) but it is great for depression. We don’t get enough vitamin D3 in colder climates. We synthesize it from sunlight. Seriously GO GET VITAMIN D3 WITH VITAMIN K. You can also order it online. You will not regret it!!!!!

  • robin

    I am sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. Life can be so hard, and it isn’t easy to find your way but you are an inspiration to so many. Hang in there and snuggle with Douglas and a glass of wine. Brighter days are coming

  • Julia

    Thank you for your honesty. Depression and anxiety haunt my life, too and it is the thing I dislike about myself the most. I’m currently going through the “Winter of my Discontent,” I lost my job in November. I work in a field where usually work you find is temp or grant funded so losing your job happens often. I’m the worst at dealing with it. It stinks how much our identity is tied to what “we do”.

    It will get better but it’s hard to see that when you are deep in the rabbit hole and sometimes frustrating to hear it. You know it will get better but you just want someone to hold your hand during the bad stuff. In a Facebook-dominated world where most people pretend life is perfect, it can make it seem like you are the only one sloshing through a bad time. Know that it is posts like this that make people feel a little less alone. I also comfort myself with the fact that going through bad times make those good days really, really lovely.

  • Natasha

    Anxiety sucks. I have finally started meds. Didn’t want too, wanted to be strong enough to handle it myself, but at 43, I hit the wall and getting a doctor who listens and really takes action has been awesome. You have had a tough go, and a literal broken heart hurts like hell, but it does heal, even enough that you eventually hope that heartbreaker has a nice life. You are going to be fine. Things will get better and in a year from now this will be,”remember that month my month went to pot, AND I gave up wine for Lent?!?”

    You bring joy to many, and everyone who reads and enjoys your blog is rooting for you!

  • Ximena

    Sweety: You are a fantastic person. The energy and creativity you display when posting is something is an energy drink for me. It is sad that some men are afraid or are not able to stand it, no, sorry, to fully enjoy it. On the other hand your friends are always there for you, you have a job that fulfils you and also have amazing co-workers. The last two not always go together. Even though it does not help now, there is a man, a house, and a car that are waiting for someone like you.
    It is ok if you want to hide on your nest. I am sure when you are ready you will go out blooming as you always have done.
    Meanwhile I have to tell you what a surprised was what you did with the gigantic ugly graduation gown. It can only be possible from a your outstanding mind.

  • Kathy (France)

    vibes from France? first thanks for sharing, I check on your blog almost everyday and was wondering what was happening to you.. then, please don t forget you have beautiful hair, a very nice figure, imagination, skills in many fields and fans!! Things will turn around, another car, another place to live in and another man! Keep that attitude you are an inspiration! Je croise les doigts pour vous! Plein de bonnes choses pour le futur

  • judy

    There’s a great book out there called “The Upside of Your Dark Side” that might help if you are a reader. I found it very comforting. Just be yourself.

  • megan

    Comparisons don’t make people feel better guys. Everyone has their own stuff and it can suck and it can feel like life is just a never ending parade of “let’s see how much bad stuff we can throw her way”. Jill, I hope things get better for you. I’m going to leave out any “at least you…” thoughts because I know how that makes me feel (mostly thoughts of punching in the face). I’m sending good vibes your way and I’ll drink a glass of Pinot Noir in your honor later.

  • B

    i am so sorry that you are going through this. your coworker’s comment is not what i consider empathic (any comment that starts with “at least…” is something to avoid, when someone’s in a shitty situation!), so i don’t blame you at all for your response. and break-ups are terribly awful, especially when you don’t see them coming. depression is something that is so common, but rarely discussed. i suffer from depression and anxiety, too, and i understand how crippling they are. after my last bad breakup, i saw a therapist and honestly those were the most freeing and revealing conversations i’ve ever had. it was through my employer’s EAP so it was free — maybe your employer offers such a benefit? also, community mental health clinics are a blessing. nothing feels okay now, but slowly some things will start to feel alright again. i hope that happens sooner than later for you. just know that all around you, people are willing to help.

  • Marie G Bean

    A lot of this stuff is out of your control, but you deserve waaaaaaaayy better (and cuter) on the guy part 🙂 Here’s to spring and renewal!

  • krzmarzick

    Oh, honey. You have a dark cloud over you right now. But this is temporary, and it will pass. Your honesty is so genuine, and so is your heart. Lean on those who know and love you until this cloud passes. You are worthy of happiness and love and you will find it again. ((((((big hug))))))

  • Brooke

    Awe bless your heart. I only know you through your posts, blog, and refashions. But to hear of your poor luck and situation, I hate this for you! I wish there is something I could do for you. A prayer maybe the only thing I can offer. I hope things get better, you can only go up from here!

  • Cat

    You are such an open, caring, and creative person. It makes your blog more than just an insight into refashioning but an insight in to you and I love it. I’ve been following you for I think 3 years now and will continue as long as you do. Even if you don’t know us, all your followers are with you for your ups and downs.

  • judith

    Seek help, help in finding a place to live, help with finding a car, help with your mood. There are people out there that live to help you with these things. Just like you lean on your friends, lean on these people who are professionals in making your problems easier to live with.

    • Kathryn Roskow

      So true, Judith! And, sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do. Jillian, I’ve been following you for years and I’m always amazed that you can find good ends out of really bad beginnings. Sometimes life is like that too. Friends are wonderful, but they can’t always be subjective. And, yes, life without canine therapy would be unbearable. Keep the friends and let them help you and snuggle with Douglas, but find a professional who can absorb the pain and help you use some of it and throw the rest away. You are a strong woman and you will come out of this on top! I’m rooting for you and obviously there are so many others in your corner too. Hugs to you.

  • Karin from Birmingham

    I don’t deserve to be your first post because this won’t be profound. But right now my heart is hurting right along with you like really bad. I want to tuck you into a soft down comforter and make you food and just sit in the house while you nap. That’s the mom in me. Sorry, Hon. Sending good thoughts. <3

  • K

    There are going to be days where all you can do is breath, and that is ok.
    I can completely sympathize with your depression and anxiety. I think, from your post, that you have a good grip on your situation. Realizing that you are allowed to feel however you want is important, I think, when dealing with the tough shit. Don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings by telling you they have it harder, thier situation is worse, or you at least have “something”. You can feel however you want, and get over this stuff however you’d like, but I really do hope you do work thru it. You’ve got a wonderful and inspiring blog, and I know I’m not alone in saying I love your posts.